


To want my share is not a sin

by ThatisneverThat



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: And everyone else tbh, CW: Discussion of previous controlling relationship (CH 7 - read summary to skip), CW: Harassment (ch5 - read summary to skip), Cute asf child, F/F, Healing, Human!13, Human!Doctor, Hurt/Comfort, I'll add more tags as time passes, Lecturer!Yaz, Slow Burn, Uni professor AU, ish, lecturer!13, mum!yaz, new start, soft, thasmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28859154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatisneverThat/pseuds/ThatisneverThat
Summary: Yasmin Khan needs a fresh start, so she moves from Sheffield to London for her new lecturing job. She meets a few friends, but then there's Rae Smith...Is the fresh start she needs more than just a house move?
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 231
Kudos: 126





	1. Where am I running to?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome. 
> 
> This is absolutely not the AU I had planned on writing when I finished Banksy, but here we are. Uni AUs clearly have been done before, but I'm back with another. Teacher, rather than student this time. I have this vaguely planned, but who knows what'll actually happen because we all know these fics write themselves. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!!

It hadn't started well. She was running late on her first proper day at her new job and would have very little time to prepare for her first lecture now. Yaz grabbed her bags from the boot of her car and pushed it shut with her elbow before turning and jogging across the car park. It was her first teaching day, but she'd been in a few times and knew where her office was so at least she wouldn't get lost going there. She was almost at the building when one of her bags dropped.  _ "Shit."  _ She muttered and bent down to pick up the bits that had fallen out. Once they were back in the bag she stood up and must have only taken two steps before she felt the thump of another human being, followed by the slight burn of hot water on her skin. 

"Oh gosh I'm so sorry!" The other woman quickly apologised. "Here let me help you. I've got a spare top in my office if you need it or-" 

"It's fine! I'm already running late, just look where you're going maybe," Yaz replied and immediately started to carry on her journey. Just before she opened the staff door, she realised how rude she sounded and turned around to apologise, but the woman had already gone. Sighing, she opened the door and went inside. 

Her office was shared with another lecturer who she had yet to meet, but she knew they were a psychology lecturer thanks to the plaque on the door. They were also already inside the office when she opened the door. What a great first impression this was going to be. 

"Morning, you must be Dr Khan," the woman smiled at her, before realising her situation. "Rough morning?" 

"Could say that," Yaz sighed and put her bags down by her desk. "Please, Yaz is fine. I know the doctor title is something to be proud of n all that but I'm not a fan of it," she shrugged. 

Clara nodded, "I get that. I still use Miss over Doctor, but I'm Clara. Have you got something you can change into?" 

"Thankfully yeah, do you mind if I-"

"No of course not! Tell you what, I'll stick the kettle on. You look like you could use a tea," Clara smiled. "When's your first class?" She had turned away to focus on the kettle while Yaz changed. 

"Critical criminology in half an hour. This morning hasn't exactly gone to plan," Yaz told her while she changed her top. 

"Travel cup it is then," Clara replied, making the tea. 

Once she'd changed out of view of the windows, Yaz returned to her desk and started sorting some stuff out. Soon after, her colleague placed a travel mug of tea on the desk. "Take a minute to calm down, honestly, if you go in there all stressed they're gonna eat you alive." 

"Thanks that's reassuring," Yaz groaned, picking up the mug.

Clara smiled a friendly and reassuring smile, gesturing for Yaz to sit. "This is your first job since training right?"

"How did you guess?" 

"You look exactly like I did. Trust me, we've all been there. Crit Crim is a third year module, you're starting with the most advanced students we have. They're a good bunch, at least the ones I see for psychology lectures are. All you need to do is show them you know what you're talking about - which you do - and you'll be great," Clara told her. "Hopefully it'll get better from here."

She knew Clara was right, and Yaz was glad she had someone to share an office with who was friendly. When she'd been training at Sheffield she shared with two older male lecturers and they both hated her guts. Maybe this was a sign that all was not lost. "Thanks, sorry this was a pretty bad first impression on my part," Yaz smiled sheepishly. 

"Don't sweat it, I'm just glad you're not a middle aged man in a tweed jacket," Clara chuckled. "Come on, I'll make sure you get to your first lecture in one piece. I'll even make way to be sure nobody spills coffee down you this time." 

Yaz quickly groaned again, "I was so rude to the person who did that."

"Honestly I'm sure it's fine. Plus, so many people walk through campus you'll probably never see them again," she pointed out. "Now let's go before you're late to your class too."

* * *

Thankfully her first class were lovely. Clara had tipped her off about a couple of the students before the lecture started which also helped, but in general they were just a class that wanted to learn and cared about their degrees. Thank goodness. She packed up her laptop and put it away in her bag which she chucked over her shoulder. Her next class wasn't until the afternoon so she had some time now to get herself together, so she headed back to the office. 

When she got there it was empty, so Yaz sat herself down in the chair and grabbed her phone out - 2 missed calls from Ryan - of course. She called him back. 

_ "Well hello there professor,"  _ he answered.

Yaz rolled her eyes, "piss off Ry. Why did you call?"

_ "Just wanted to see how you were getting on," _ he answered, which made Yaz smile.

She had known Ryan since they were 4, and the two were friends through school - not that close, but they had each other's backs. When Yaz got the job in London, she'd immediately contacted her old friend. He'd been down here for a few years now, and it was helpful to have a friendly face. Since she moved down he’d been round a lot and they’d rekindled an old friendship. He was also pretty much her only ally in the city. “Honestly? The morning pretty much couldn’t have gone worse. I was running late - that’s a whole story in itself - then I bumped into someone and got coffee all over me and had a go at them. It was a mess.” 

_ “Wow, great work there Yaz,” _ Ryan replied, seemingly unsympathetic - but Yaz knew him better than that. _ “And the rest of the morning?”  _

“My first class was good, I think. They responded really well. It’s hard to know how good you’re doing without someone assessing you,” Yaz chuckled slightly. “Plus I met the psych professor I’m sharing an office with. She’s lovely to be fair.” 

_ “Is she cute?”  _ Ryan asked.

Yaz groaned, “really? That’s where you’re going with this?” 

_ “What?! Not for me - for you!”  _ he argued. 

“Sometimes I wish I’d never come out to you Ryan Sinclair,” she tutted. “She made me tea, calmed me down and made sure I didn’t get lost. It’s good to have someone on my side, hopefully a friend. So no - I’m not gonna jump into bed with her.” 

_ “Ergh, fine, but mark my words I’m going to find you a girlfriend.”  _

Yaz rolled her eyes, even though she knew Ryan couldn’t see it. “Why don’t you find your own first mate,” she chuckled. “I’d better get back to work. Are you still coming for dinner?” 

_ “Free food? Absolutely,” _ he replied.  _ “Chin up Yaz, you’re doing great.”  _

They said their goodbyes, and she hung up.

* * *

Yaz worked solidly for a while. There was a lot of planning to do and she wanted to be as prepared as she could. She always preferred to work in the office rather than at home where she could be easily distracted. It was going well, she’d got a good way through a couple of modules already and actually felt confident in what she had produced. The motivation was a little addictive, so she kept going.

In fact, she hadn’t processed how much time had passed until the office door opened and Clara reappeared. “Hey! How’d the lecture go?”

“Actually really good. Thank you so much for calming me down this morning,” Yaz smiled. “Sorry it was such a bad introduction.” 

Clara shook her head, “don’t be silly! First of all, you’ve already apologised. Secondly, on my first day here I dropped a whole bunch of papers from the top floor. Imagine the mess.” 

Immediately Yaz found herself laughing, “oh gosh I’m sorry I’m sure that wasn’t funny at the time.” 

“Nah but it totally is now,” Clara grinned back. “Listen, you look like you’ve been working hard. I’m just going to meet a friend for lunch - fancy joining me?” 

“Oh I don’t want to intrude on anything,” Yaz shook her head.

“Nonsense, Bill loves new people. She  _ may  _ ask a lot of questions though - be warned. Plus, you have first years this afternoon and you do not want to go into that on an empty stomach,” Clara pointed out. 

Eventually left with no choice, but actually excited about the idea of making friends here, Yaz followed to join Clara and her friend for lunch.

She had no idea where she was going, but Clara explained it was a popular pub with students and lecturers alike just off campus. They walked in and sure enough there were plenty of people around, but one person stood up and waved at them - well, at Clara - so they made their way over. The woman seemed a similar age to Clara, so maybe 3 years older than herself. She was fairly tall and her hair was quite frankly incredible. Her smile was welcoming and friendly, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. "Hey! You must be the new victim to have to share an office with Miss Oswald. Good luck. I'm Bill, long suffering and much cleverer friend." 

"She's an arse, but I put up with her because she has a cool house," Clara shrugged. "Also she thinks she's cleverer because she does physics." 

"An  _ actual  _ science," Bill tutted. "Not like miss 'I can read your mind' over here." Clara rolled her eyes. Yaz could tell it was jokey banter between the two of them. "Anyway, I'm in a good mood so I'll go and get the drinks in. Cokes all round?"

"Diet for me, thanks," Yaz smiled and took a seat at the table. Bill disappeared to the bar. 

Clara sat adjacent to her, "apologies, we have quite a few jokes between us. Just be glad Rae and Amy aren't here too - that would be a real eye opener on your first day." 

"Do they work here too?" Yaz questioned.

"Yeah. Amy's history and Rae is physics as well. I started here the same year as Amy and Bill, and Rae is Amy's best mate so when she moved here last year she joined the group easily. She's the oldest of the bunch, but definitely the strangest. Not that we'd have her any other way," she smiled.

Bill reappeared with the drinks, "you calling Rae old again? She's not even 30. Basically we are the young cool lecturers - looks like you'll fit in well." She sat down after handing the glasses round. "So tell us about yourself then Yaz. How'd you end up here?"

After taking a sip of her drink, Yaz prepared herself to tell the story. "Needed a change. I did my training year at Sheffield - where I'm from - but fancied a fresh start. Saw the opening here and just went for it." Okay, well some of the story anyway. She'd only just met these people.

"Well your predecessor was a pain in the ass so we are very glad to see you, and I expect your students will be too," Bill grinned. "So what food are we having?"

Lunch was quite enjoyable in the end. Yaz found she settled into the conversation and felt like she might have actually found some friends which was a relief. Her first year lecture was next, and she got to the room early to set up. She'd been there about 5 minutes, humming to herself, when the door opened to a quite nervous looking girl standing there. "Can I help you?" Yaz asked with a smile.

"I'm here for Introduction to Criminology - at least I think I am - I'm a bit early," she was glancing around the empty lecture theatre. "Are you Dr Khan?"

"I am indeed, but please call me Yaz. Doctor makes me feel old," she chuckled. "Come on in, you can keep me company while I get set up. Or you can sit on your phone and ignore me, honestly I won't be offended." The girl walked in and went to sit in a seat about 3 rows back. "What's your name?"

"Anika," she replied. 

"Well I'll let you into a secret Anika. This is my first day too and this morning I bumped into someone and got covered in coffee, so I promise you this will be better than that," she winked at her, plugging her laptop in. "Mind me asking why you chose criminology?" 

"I want to go into the police, I think, but I wanted to do uni first. Looked at loads of courses, but this one looked the best," she explained. 

Yaz smiled, "great decision. That's exactly why I chose criminology at uni. Didn't end up going into the police, things changed.

Did a PhD instead, because apparently I'm a glutton for punishment, and now here we are." 

"You look proper young to have done a whole PhD," Anika commented, before looking a little shocked. "Sorry that was a bit rude." 

"Nah it's fine, I get that a lot. I did my PhD straight out of undergraduate - it's quite unusual not to do a masters, but what can I say? I'm an unusual kind of person. I'm 25 now, a little younger than your average uni lecturer," she smiled. "To be honest it can get a little daunting when some of your students are older than you." 

Anika nodded, "but they don't have PhDs," she pointed out. 

"Very good point. See, good observation skills. You'll smash this class." 

Soon after, more students started to trickle in. When the clock hit 3pm she started teaching with 100 students all listening to her. Yaz found her confidence growing as the 2 hour lecture continued. The more she thought about it, the more she realised Anika was right. There were 100 other people in this room and not one of them had a doctorate yet, but some of them might one day, and they were relying on her to help get them there. What a privilege. 

Finally, 5pm rolled around and she packed up. A few students asked her questions, which she happily answered, and then she was able to leave. By this point she was running a little later than planned, so she found herself rushing back to the car again. Just as she was crossing the car park again, she dropped her bag again. 

"You need to stop rushing places," came a voice from above her. Yaz looked up from where she'd crouched to pick things up to see the same person she'd crashed into that morning. They joined her to help pick up the belongings that had scattered themselves. "I see you managed to change."

"Yeah. Listen, I'm really sorry I shouldn't have been so rude earlier. I'd offer to make it up to you but I really need to get going," she explained while picking up the last of her bits. "Thanks for stopping."

"No bother, I'll let you get on your way," they replied before carrying on. 

Yaz made it to her car, opening the boot and chucking her bags in. She climbed into her car and sighed, head hitting the steering wheel. How had she managed to embarrass herself in front of the same person twice in one day? She'd noticed the ID badge clipped to the waistband of her trousers - she was a staff member. Great. 

* * *

She made it, just. Yaz got out of the car and went up to the house, knocking. Within seconds the door was open and she was being jumped on. “Well hello you, did you have a good day?” 

“Missed you,” came the mumble from her shoulder. Yaz stroked the young girl’s hair and looked up to the woman who had followed her. 

“Haven’t got much out of her since I picked her up from school,” she explained.

Yaz shook her head, “sorry, I knew today was gonna be tough on her. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little less dramatic.” 

“Mummy can we go home now?” 

“Course we can baby, let’s go,” she softly kissed her daughter’s hair. “Thanks Hayley, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

She carried her to the car, juggling things to open the door and get her inside. “How was school Ayla?” 

“We did numbers like you showed me! The teacher said I was clever,” she smiled. 

Yaz finished strapping the car seat, “that’s because you are clever munchkin. Now how about we go home and have a play in the bath?” 

“Yeah!” came the enthusiastic reply. Yaz smiled, shutting the door and going round to drive home.

As she drove, she kept glancing in the rearview mirror to see her daughter happily singing to herself - a completely different picture to the screaming fit from this morning. Balancing work and being a single Mum wasn’t easy, but she’d got through a PhD while raising her, so she’d been pretty certain this would be better until this morning. It was the first day she realised her parents weren’t around the corner, and her sister wouldn’t come round to watch her while Yaz worked. Instead, she’d left her daughter with essentially a stranger (albeit they’d had some visits so Ayla got to know Hayley) so she could go to work. 

It wouldn’t be the same every day, Yaz was thankful she could flex her hours a little and work from home sometimes, but having to force her daughter over to her childminder this morning was far from what she had planned. Still, it would get better, she knew that. This was a fresh start for them both. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH MUM!YAZ


	2. Open Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO MUCH for the responses to the first chapter. Honestly, each one made me smile. I had no idea how this was going to go down, but I'm glad you all liked the surprise at the end!!
> 
> This chapter is essentially the same day, but from Rae's POV! I thought it would be good to get to know them both properly :). Enjoy!

Rae jumped out of bed when her alarm went off that morning. First day back teaching, finally. She loved her job and had missed the full lecture theatres. After a quick shower and sorting her hair into a short pony (it wasn't very long, she just liked to keep it out the way) she grabbed a bowl of cereal for breakfast. 

She was leaning against the worktop in the kitchen eating when her flatmate came down. "Morning," she grinned. 

"You are far too enthusiastic at this time in the morning," Amy groaned. "Seriously, why do you look so happy?" 

"First day back teaching Pond, my favourite day of the year," she replied. 

Amy rolled her eyes, "you just can't wait to see all the first years minds blown when you start throwing facts at them." 

"Exactly!" Rae put her bowl in the dishwasher and stood back up. "If you give me a lift I might buy you coffee on the way." 

"Now you're talking," Amy grabbed a breakfast bar from the cupboard. "Let's go."

* * *

They did stop at a drive through on the way and grab coffee - and a chocolate brownie for Rae - before heading to the uni. Despite Amy's dislike of early mornings, she hated being late and much preferred to work at uni rather than home, which worked out well for Rae. "I've got meetings over lunch so I won't make it to the pub," she said as they got out of the car. 

"Ah me too. Let Bill know for us?" Amy asked. 

"Sure no problem. Catch you later!" She smiled and they head their separate ways. 

Rae's building was the other side of campus so she had a bit of a walk to get there, but it only seemed fair they park closer to Amy's building when she drove. She quite liked the walk too. Despite being in quite a busy part of London, the campus itself felt like a little escape. There were trees all over the place, various little communal areas and a small river that ran through the middle. It was often busy as the area was a cut through for some people, but at this time of day it was mostly students arriving begrudgingly ready for their 9am lectures. She walked along, slipping her coffee and greeting various staff and students who she knew. 

She was just approaching the social sciences building when it happened. Seemingly from nowhere, someone appeared and she couldn't stop in time causing them to bash into each other. Her still half full cup of coffee was completely in the firing line, so the remainder of the cup ended up mostly down the other person's front. "Oh gosh I'm so sorry!" Rae immediately apologised and started feeling in her pockets for something she could use to help. "Here let me help you. I've got a spare top in my office if you need it or-"

"It's fine! I'm already running late, just look where you're going maybe," she replied and walked away before Rae could say anything else. She was heading into the social science building, so Rae decided to leave her to it and hope she would be alright. 

Her building was only round the corner so she quickly arrived and went into her office. "What on earth happened to you?" 

Bill Potts. They didn't technically share an office. As course lead, Rae had her own, but Bill had a key although sometimes she regretted giving it to her. Presumably she was currently referring to the splashes of coffee down her shirt. "Bumped into someone outside, she came off worse. Did offer to help but she weren't having it," Rae shrugged. She threw the now empty coffee cup in the bin and went into the drawer where she kept her spare clothes, grabbing a navy blue t-shirt with a rainbow across the front to replace her stained one.

"Sounds delightful," Bill replied, sitting in Rae's desk chair. She wolf whistled when Rae slipped her shirt off, so Rae threw it at her in response. "God you're a pain." 

"Says you," Rae tutted. "What you doing in here anyway?" She asked while putting the new top on.

Bill chucked the shirt over at the sofa in the corner. "Can't a girl greet her friend on a sunny Monday morning?"

"You came to use the coffee machine," Rae replied bluntly. 

"Yep!" Bill grinned, emphasising the p and reaching for the mug behind her. "Plus I wanted to talk about the rota this year." 

"Bill that rota has been out for 2 months and you want to talk to me the morning we start teaching? We all have to take the final year challenge module at some point, just happens to be your turn this year," Rae told her. 

An audible groan came from her friend. "Fine. Worth trying though," she shrugged. "I'll leave you to it then. Pub at lunch?" 

"Nah sorry, got meetings. Amy's busy too," she apologised.

"Fair does. Catch you later," Bill stood up and left, taking the coffee with her. 

* * *

Rae had a lot of love for her incoming second years. They were a great bunch, so she was more than happy that her first session of the week was a morning lab with some of them. She got there in plenty of time to set up and lay out everything needed. Lab sessions were her favourite. If she could spend all day every day in this room she absolutely would, but that wasn't how it worked sadly. Still, she'd pop up here sometimes on her own and have a play. 

She could predict who would be early and who would run in at the last second - nobody was late to her class. Sure enough, they arrived pretty much as she expected. Rae prided herself on being good with names, and greeted them all individually as they came into the room. The moment the clock hit nine, she started. "Right then gang! Electromagnetic fields!" 

The 3 hour lab rushed away with her. Rae then reluctantly took herself to the lunch meeting with some of the other course leads which she vaguely listened to, but there was nothing even remotely exciting. She knew most of them didn't like her, mostly because she was female, a bit because she was gay and definitely because she was young. Rae ran her department differently and the middle-aged men couldn't handle that.

She had a second lab that afternoon, this time with the first years. It was more of an introductory session so fairly simple and using some of her favourite little experiments to get them engaged. She was just packing up when one of the girls came back to the room. "Doctor Smith?" She asked, knocking at the door. 

Rae spun around from where she was, just about keeping her balance. "Hello… Grace right?" 

“Yeah, you’re good,” Grace smiled. “I just wanted to say thanks, that was really good. I was kinda nervous for today, but that’s totally made me feel better.” 

“Ah cheers! To be honest I’m always a teeny bit anxious with a new class so you’re not alone. You guys were awesome though, we’re gonna have a fab year,” Rae returned the smile. “And hey, if you ever need a chat or whatever, just drop me an email or come by my office.” 

“Thanks Doctor Smith, I appreciate that,” Grace nodded before heading back out. Rae watched her leave, making a mental note to keep an eye on her, something stuck out about Grace. 

Once she was gone, Rae finished clearing up and locked up the room. She made the decision to go and see Amy for a bit, fancying the walk to clear her head. It wasn’t often she went over to their building, but that would just add to the surprise. So after dropping her work bag back in her office, she grabbed her headphones and made her way over. She knocked a couple of times on Amy's door before heading in. "How'd it go today?" 

"Not too bad. You?" Amy asked. Rae flopped down into the chair by her desk. 

"Great! Mondays are a full lab day this year," she grinned. "Did you hear from the others at all?" 

Amy sighed, "do you  _ ever  _ check your phone?" 

"Uh-" she started, reaching into her pocket and looking at her phone for the first time that day. "Oh," Rae realised there were quite a few notifications from their group chat. "Ooo Clara got a new office buddy."

"Yep. They had lunch with her," Amy told her.

"Double ooo, she's a she! And young, excellent." Rae read through the messages. "Did they invite her tonight?"

The group had takeout on the first night of every term, usually at Amy and Rae's place. It was a mini celebration for making it back in one peace. To be honest, they had a lot of excuses for takeout nights, but nobody was complaining.

"Yeah, she said she couldn't make it tonight. Clara said she's cute though," Amy winked at her.

Rae groaned and threw a pen at her friend, "stop trying to set me up with strangers Amy." 

"She's not a complete stranger," Amy shrugged. "Just sayin' you should think about it." 

Rae rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Amy had been trying to set her up with people since she'd split up with her girlfriend and moved here. Everyone else in the group did have a partner. Amy had her boyfriend Rory - he was a nurse at the local hospital. His work hours meant they didn't see him all the time, but he'd join them occasionally. Clara had her boyfriend Danny, but he was in the army and currently abroad. There was some weird tension there - they didn't talk about it. Finally, Bill had Heather. Rae had to hand it to her, Heather was hot and they were a great couple. She'd join them for takeout nights occasionally, but often worked evenings or nights at the bar. Still, they got discounts when they went there so it wasn't a complete loss.

Being the only single one in the group led to frequent ridicule - all friendly of course - but Rae didn't mind it really. Nobody tied her down anymore, she had more freedom now than she had done in years. Plus, the break-up had messed her up for a while until Amy dragged her out of that hole and she really didn't want to go back there. "Whatever you say Pond. I'm gonna head back and get some prep done. What time are we meeting again?" 

"At the car at 6," Amy replied as Rae got up. "You can't avoid this conversation forever Rae." 

"I can, and I will," Rae called back as she left the room.

Amy was a wonderful friend. They’d met on their first day of university, almost 10 years ago now, when they were placed in the same flat. The rest of her flat didn’t really understand Rae, they seemed to get frustrated with her most of the time, but Amy didn’t. They became close within the first week and inseparable soon after. Rae would tell everyone that Amy got her through that degree, and Amy would say the same about Rae - maybe with an added insult. 

It had actually been Rae that persuaded Amy to finally give things with Rory a go. The two had grown up together, and she talked about him so much that Rae could tell there was more there. When she went to visit Amy one summer, she concocted a plan and got them locked in a room together to finally talk. Now they were engaged, so she considered that a success. 

In all her thinking, she’d almost made it back to the science building. She was just crossing the car park when she spotted the woman from this morning practically running to her car, before dropping her bag. Rae rushed over. “You need to stop rushing places,” she told her and crouched down to help collect her things. “I see you managed to change.” 

"Yeah. Listen, I'm really sorry I shouldn't have been so rude earlier. I'd offer to make it up to you but I really need to get going.” Rae handed her the bits she’d picked up, before the woman stood up. “Thanks for stopping.” 

Rae also stood up, nodding. “No bother, I’ll let you get on your way.” With that, she carried on. 

A little strange, but Rae had noticed her lanyard - staff member. Not one she knew, so must have been new this year. She had lovely hair, Rae noted when she glanced over her shoulder. She shook the thought from her head, and made her way back to her office.

* * *

“I’m just sayin’ we haven’t been ‘out out’ in ages,” Bill said as she placed the chinese takeout containers on the table. 

Amy came back into the room with the plates. “No -  _ we”  _ she gestured to herself, Bill and Clara, “have been out plenty of times, we’ve just not persuaded Rae to come with us for ages,” she pointed out, placing the plates on the table.

Rae shrugged, “this is much more my style.” 

“Well you’d better at least come out for my birthday,” Bill told her. 

“I came out years ago mate,” she replied, grinning. 

Clara groaned, “that was awful.” 

“Yet true,” Rae chuckled and grabbed a plate, starting to pile food on. “And yes of course I wouldn’t miss watching you get drunk on your birthday for the world Bill.” 

"Excellent. Hey Clara you should invite Yaz," Bill suggested, sitting back with her food. 

Clara nodded, "I'll ask her."

"Who's Yaz?" Rae asked, joining Bill on the sofa and tucking into her food. All three of them looked at her. “What?” 

“She’s not been looking at her phone again,” Amy told the others. “Yaz is Clara’s new office buddy.” 

“Oh yeah, gotcha,” Rae caught up. “What did you learn about her?” 

Clara sat down on the chair adjacent to the sofa Rae and Bill were on. “Seems nice, if a bit nervous. Moved here from Sheffield in the summer - on her own I think - wanted a fresh start. She’s a criminology lecturer, knows her stuff too. Disappeared quickly after her last lecture though, tried to invite her tonight but she said she couldn’t make it and rushed off.” 

“Bit odd, but everyone has their reasons,” Amy shrugged. “Are we all going to lunch on Friday?” Everyone agreed. “Invite her then, might be worth her meeting us all  _ before  _ we invite her on a wild night out.” 

Rae nodded, “s’about time we liven this group up.” 

Bill elbowed her, “oi! We are very lively, thank you very much,” she tutted.

Laughing, Clara sipped her drink. “She has a point; we’re getting old ladies.” 

“Don’t you lady me,” Rae responded. 

Amy snorted at the response, “yeah you’re definitely no lady.” 

“I’m not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment,” Rae replied, twirling noodles up on her fork. 

Bill laughed, “probably both mate.” 

They quietened down a little while they ate, just passing time with casual conversation. After they finished eating, Rae and Clara offered to tidy up. They were washing up in the kitchen when Clara bought it up. “Y’know I’m pretty sure Yaz is single,” she commented casually.

“Ergh not you as well,” Rae rolled her eyes. “Amy already tried this one. You don’t even know she’s gay.” 

Clara shrugged, “just sayin’, when you guys meet I think you’ll like her.” 

“You’ve known this woman for less than a day Clara, how would you possibly know?” Rae replied, putting a dish on the rack for her to dry. 

“Alright, but if I’m right then you owe me a drink,” Clara replied, putting the glass she’d dried in the cupboard.

Rae thought it over, she really wasn't in the mood to date anytime soon, so it seemed a pretty safe bet. “Fair enough. You’re on.” 

Then she flicked bubbles at her. 


	3. New places, new things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* I'm back again. Thank you SO MUCH for all your comments, all of you honestly make me so happy. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
> 
> Are you ready for them to meet properly? Excellent. Let's go.

Yaz was awoken by a loud cry from the next room. 

“Mummy Mummy!” Ayla called out between cries. Yaz jumped out of bed and rushed into her room. Her daughter practically launched at her for a hug. 

“I’m right here sweetheart,” Yaz held her tight, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay. Did you have a bad dream?” 

Ayla nodded in her grasp. “You were gone again,” she grizzled, but was slowly settling now her Mum was there. Yaz hated those words, but it was usually what Ayla’s bad dreams were about. 

She moved Ayla onto her lap a little so the position was more comfortable. “I’m sorry sweetheart, but it was just a dream yeah? I’m right here. I promise, I’m not going anywhere again.” 

“But you go to work and leave me,” Ayla cried. 

They’d had this argument all week. Every morning it would take a good 15-20 minutes to get her into the car, and in the end she and Hayley had agreed on handing her over quickly and leaving approach, but it wasn’t easy and Yaz had cried on her way to work 3 of the 4 times that week. She hated seeing her like that, but they couldn’t go on like they had been forever, and her therapist and the paediatrician assured her it would get better. After this week she also didn’t have to be in early every day, so she could at least do the school run herself. “I know baby, but I have to go to work so we can have food and money, you know that - we’ve talked about it. And Hayley is really nice, she has loads of cool toys.” 

“Why can’t uncle Ryan look after me?” she asked. Yaz loved how much Ryan and Ayla had clicked over the summer. She adored him, he was pretty much the only man she’d let near her. After a couple of rough starts, his charm won her over and she loved to see him. 

“Uncle Ryan has to work too sweetheart, I’m sorry. He’s coming over tonight though, that’ll be fun,” she told her. “Come on, we need to go back to sleep otherwise you’ll be all grumpy pants for school.” 

“We’re doing running,” Ayla smiled slightly. “I like running.” 

“Well you won’t be able to run if you’re tired, so let’s get to sleep,” Yaz told her, lifting her up so she could move and put her in bed properly and tuck her in. “I’ll stay until you’re asleep,” she kissed her forehead. “Love you baby girl.” 

Yaz got back to bed and lay down, turning on her side. She had a photo on the table of her parents and Sonya with Ayla on their last day in Sheffield. It was one of her favourites. Leaving her family was the only thing that made it hard to make the move, but she knew it was the right thing. They were coming to visit while Ayla was on half term in a few weeks and she couldn’t wait to hug her parents again. They video called regularly, Ayla loved chatting to them, in fact Yaz often had to call them back after she’d gone to bed so she could have her own conversation. “Am I doing the right thing Mum?” she whispered to the picture. “I have so much respect for you right now.” She lay back on her back and closed her eyes, at least it was almost the weekend.

* * *

She hadn’t had much more sleep that night. Mum guilt was a real thing, especially right now. This morning she was only in early for a course meeting, she didn’t actually have any teaching sessions until after lunch. When she got to the office, Clara was already there. She always beat her in, Yaz wondered how early she actually got there. 

“Owch you look shattered,” Clara commented as she walked in and flopped down in the chair. “Rough night?” 

“Something like that,” Yaz sighed. “Looking forward to getting home tonight to be honest.” 

“Let me stick the kettle on,” Clara stood up. “Wanna talk about it?” 

Yaz shook her head, she hadn’t talked about Ayla yet to her colleagues. She liked to know people more before letting them into her daughter’s life. She had her reasons. “It’s nothing really, just didn’t sleep great.” 

“Well,” Clara started as she poured the tea, “Bill, Rae, Amy and I are going for lunch again today, want to join? Rae and Amy are keen to meet you.” 

The thought of being sociable today really didn’t fill her with joy, but Yaz also knew she wanted to make friends here and if she kept turning down invites that wasn’t going to help. Plus she hadn’t had a chance to make any lunch for herself again. “Yeah sure, sounds good.

“Fab, are you teaching this morning?” Clara asked, handing over the mug. 

“Nah, just got a meeting at nine - typical,” she rolled her eyes. “Got seminars 2 till 5.” 

Clara nodded, “you crim guys do like your late afternoon sessions.” 

“Weirdly it was the same in Sheffield, not sure why. Works for me usually, prefer to come in later when I can,” Yaz sipped at the tea. “This is great, thank you.” 

Sitting back down, Clara smiled. “No problem. Night owl then? You may have worked out I’m more of an early morning person. Usually I get in about half 7 to get stuff done. I have 9am lectures 4 out of 5 days too - our course lead caught on that I like to come in early. Means I can get away early when I fancy it.” 

“Good that we all work differently really, otherwise it’d be a right pain to organise,” Yaz commented. “So do I need to be aware of anything with Rae and Amy?” 

“Hmm… Amy is  _ very  _ Scottish, so you have to excuse her bluntness sometimes. Rae is great, honestly the smartest one out of all of us, but she’s also a little socially challenged at times. Once she gets to know you you’ll be fine, she’s brilliant,” Clara smiled. “She’s also the only single one in the group, so we absolutely take the piss out of her for that on a regular basis.”

Yaz smiled, “well if I join she won’t be alone anymore.” 

Clara sipped at her own tea, “oh?” 

“Mmm single pringle right here,” Yaz told her. “Have been for a while now. So the rest of you have… partners? Married?” 

“Amy’s engaged, Rory’s a nurse. Bill has a girlfriend - Heather - she works at a local bar so we often go there for free drinks. My boyfriend Danny is in the army, he’s abroad at the moment,” she explained. 

Yaz nodded, “that must be difficult?” 

“It can be, but you kinda get used to it. He left at the beginning of the month, likely for 6 months. We had the summer, which was nice,” Clara told her. “The girls are a great distraction when you’re feeling a bit lonely. Just stick a message in the group chat and someone is usually free for a coffee or a drink.” 

“It’s weird, I’ve never really had a group of friends like that,” Yaz spoke truthfully, because she hadn’t. “My school friend Ryan moved to London a few years ago, he’s quite local, so I’ve seen him a bit since we arrived. Still, he’s got his own life here.” 

“Well, I think you’ll fit in with us just nicely,” she smiled. 

Yaz smiled back, but she still worried about what would happen when she added a daughter into the mix.

* * *

Clara had kindly offered to come back after her lecture to make sure Yaz didn’t get lost on the way to the pub. Despite her tiredness, she’d had a very productive morning after the meeting, so felt a little better about taking the lunch break. They chatted about their mornings as they walked up and Yaz realised she finally felt comfortable with someone outside her family. That was a strange feeling for her these days. “You alright?” Clara asked. 

“Sorry, was just thinking. Mind gets away with me sometimes,” Yaz smiled. 

“You and Rae will get on very well then,” Clara chuckled as they walked into the pub. “Aha, there they are,” she guided them over. Yaz followed her, recognising Bill who was facing them. The other two currently had their backs to them, but something about the blonde looked familiar. “Yaz this is Amy and Rae,” she introduced them as they arrived. That’s when they turned to face her, and suddenly Yaz realised where she recognised the blonde woman from. 

“Oh-” Yaz let slip before she even realised what she was saying. “Hi,” she added on.

Amy looked between the two of them, Rae also looking slightly awkward. “Do you two know each other?” 

“We’ve met,” Rae commented. “I’ll um- I’ll go get the drinks in,” she stood up and disappeared to the bar quickly. 

Yaz sat down with an apologetic smile while the others looked at her a bit quizzically. Amy asked the question they were all thinking. “When did you guys meet?” 

“I bumped into Rae on Monday - literally. Then I was kinda rude because I was in a rush. I did apologise later, but I probably still wasn’t the nicest then,” Yaz sighed. “Sorry I had no idea it was Rae, I’ve been thinking about it all week to be honest, wanting to apologise better.” 

“Oh the coffee!” Both Bill and Clara realised their respective events from earlier in the week. 

Yaz nodded, “I really didn’t mean to react that bad, I promise that’s not what I’m usually like.” 

“Mate you were nervous as heck on Monday, and running late. I’m sure Rae understands really. Like I explained earlier, she’s just not the best at social situations sometimes. It’s cool, I’ll go talk to her,” Clara smiled and went to join Rae at the bar. 

“Great first impressions I’ve made with you guys,” Yaz put her head in her hands briefly. “It’s been a while since I’ve had to do this.” 

Amy shook her head, “honestly don’t worry about it, Rae took a while to settle in properly last year. We’ve all been new once. How’s your first week gone?” 

“Alright I think? I’m shattered, I need to get myself into a better routine I guess, but the lectures have gone well so I think I’ve got something right,” Yaz chuckled nervously.

“Well you’re doing better than me,” Amy replied, “I had a pupil faint in the middle of my lecture on Wednesday, bashed their head on the way down and had to call the paramedics out.” 

Bill sat up at that, “excuse me? In a  _ history  _ lecture?! Did you bore them into submission?” 

Amy rolled her eyes, “she’d missed breakfast actually, and she’s fine - seeing as you didn’t ask.” 

“Harsh,” Bill replied and then turned to Yaz. “Honestly, don’t beat yourself up. I saw Rae after you’d bumped into her - didn’t know it was you then obviously, but she wasn’t that bothered.” 

Yaz smiled gratefully, “thanks. Sorry to make this so awkward.” 

“Yaz, it’s fine, really,” Amy told her, just as Rae returned with Clara. 

“She’s right, it’s fine,” Rae smiled, bringing the tray of drinks back to the table and placing them down. “Good to meet you properly Yaz.”

Yaz smiled, looking at Rae for the first time properly. She had perfectly placed hair, and part of it was tucked behind her right ear to reveal a gorgeous gold and silver ear cuff which just caught the light. Rae looked nervous, but she was still smiling. Yaz felt awful for putting this on her, wishing she’d got it right the first-time round. “You too, I’ve heard a lot about you. All good, promise.” 

“Best be, I know how much shit these two talk,” Rae sat down, looking at Clara and Bill. 

“Cheeky sod,” Bill tutted. “We’ve been only kind and courteous.” 

“Two words I would never use to describe you Bill. Clara, maybe, but you’re pushing it,” Rae replied.

Amy rolled her eyes, “alright you two pipe down,” she turned to Clara. “They’re like siblings these two. Always bickering, but they love each other really.” 

“Sounds like me and my sister,” Yaz chuckled. “Although you have to look  _ really  _ hard to see the love some days.” 

Rae looked at Yaz, intrigued. Why did Yaz feel herself blushing? “Is she older or younger? Your sister I mean.” 

“Younger,” Yaz took a quick sip of her drink to try and cool herself down. “4 years younger, and a bloody nightmare. We couldn’t be more different if we tried, I swear. Still, she’s not all bad.” 

Rae nodded, “she still in Sheffield?” she asked, then added “Clara and Bill mentioned you’d moved from there.” 

It made sense that they would have told Amy and Rae some details. In a way Yaz was glad, it meant she didn’t have to repeat it again. She was so careful with what she let out about herself these days that it was never going to be a problem anyway. “Yeah, lives with my parents up there. That was the hardest part about moving to be honest,” she drifted slightly at the end before deciding the subject needed changing. “So your accent, are you from the area too?” 

“Yeah originally. Moved to Leeds when I was about 11, but never lost the accent,” Rae told her. 

Suddenly Bill chipped in, “right then, the chat is lovely but I can barely understand you two so let’s order.” 

Rae rolled her eyes, “she takes the piss outta my accent all the time. You’ll have to get used to it,” she explained. “But I am starving so yes - let’s order.” 

* * *

By the time lunch was over, things were a bit more comfortable. Yaz had to leave a little before the others to get to her seminar, so said goodbye and made her way back. She had noticed Rae still wasn’t really making much eye contact with her over the meal, maybe that was just her, maybe things were still a bit awkward, but she hoped that would clear up. 

Bill had invited her out with them next weekend - for her birthday apparently. Yaz almost declined immediately, but stopped herself. Instead, she said she’d think about it, but she knew it was unlikely to be a possibility, what with Ayla.

“Uh, you absolutely  _ have  _ to go out with them,” Ryan told her when she explained the situation that evening. Ayla was thankfully focussed on the TV for a few minutes, allowing them to talk in the kitchen while they washed up. “Mate it sounds like you’ve found yourself a good group of friends there, you can’t ignore an opportunity like that.” 

“I can’t leave Ayla though, it’s bad enough leaving her at the child-minders. You know last night she woke up after a nightmare where I’d left…” Yaz sighed, putting the plate in the water. “I can’t do it Ry.” 

Ryan shook his head at her, “Yaz I know this is a hard situation for you. I can’t imagine how it must feel, but you can’t always be by Ayla’s side. What if I watch her? We’re good buddies now.” 

She thought about that. Ayla did like Ryan, she’d even said that morning about Ryan looking after her. “Are you sure? I don’t want to put that on you, I don’t know how she might react if I’m not there for bedtime.” 

“Yaz, I’m offering you free babysitting, take it. Have some fun with your friends, let your hair down for once. Never know who you might meet,” he winked. 

“Why does everything come down to that with you,” she tutted. “Fine, I’ll talk to her about it and see,” Yaz placed the plate in the rack and then dried her hands, turning to Ryan. “Thank you, you’ve been amazing these last couple of months.” 

Ryan studied her face, “are you gonna start crying on me again?” 

She was trying not to, honest, but the weight of a long difficult week was beginning to get to her, and now Ryan offering to potentially allow her a night out clinched it. “Sorry,” she wiped at her eyes with her sleeves. 

“Don’t be daft,” he put the tea towel down and pulled her in for a hug. “You deserve a medal. More than a medal to be honest. You’ve fought so hard for your little girl, now it’s time for you to have some time for yourself Yaz.” She stepped back when the hug naturally broke and looked through the gap in the door to where Ayla was dancing around in front of the TV to her favourite show. Ryan followed her gaze. “She loves you so much Yaz, you’re doing everything you can for her.” 

Yaz sighed, she wanted to believe him, but it was so hard. “Okay, alright. Let’s ask her together before I change my mind,” she told him. 

Grinning in success, Ryan hung the teatowel on the rack and followed her through into the lounge. On noticing their arrival, Ayla ran over and jumped into Yaz’s arms. “Mummy!” 

“Hello my beautiful girl,” Yaz kissed her forehead, “you had fun in here?” 

They sat down on the sofa, Yaz positioning Ayla on her lap. “Yeah! I was dancing!” 

“I saw, you looked beautiful sweetheart,” she smiled, an idea about dance lessons popping into her head. She filed that away for another day. “Uncle Ryan and I have something to ask you.” Ayla looked between the two of them expectedly. “Mummy’s made some friends at work, and they’ve invited me to a little party next Saturday. How do you fancy having a sleepover with Uncle Ryan while I’m out?” 

Ayla looked a little unsure how to respond. “You’d be gone all night?” 

Yaz nodded, “but I’ll be back on Sunday morning I promise.” 

“And we’ll have loads of fun kiddo, think of all the things we can do when Mummy isn’t watching,” Ryan grinned at her to help out.

“Excuse me,” Yaz raised an eyebrow at him, “I’ll expect you both to be on your best behaviour. I want to come back to my flat in one piece thank you.” 

Ayla seemed to think a little more, before wriggling out of her Mum’s grasp and over to Ryan. “Can we make cake?” 

“Absolutely,” Ryan told her. “As long as it’s chocolate of course.” 

“YES!” Ayla jumped enthusiastically on the sofa. “You can go Mummy, Uncle Ryan and me are gonna have cake,” she giggled. 

Surprised that it had been so easy, Yaz smiled at her daughter’s excitement. “You’d better save me some.” 

Ayla shook her head, “you’ll have cake at your party!” 

Chuckling at her innocence, Ryan joined in. “Yes Mummy, you’ll have your own cake.”

“Can we play hungry hippos now?” Ayla asked, jumping off the sofa to go and get the game. 

Ryan looked to Yaz, smiling. “See, it’s going to be fine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay there wasn't a lot of Rae and Yaz, but it's a slow burn people! Plenty of Mum!Yaz to keep us all happy though.


	4. An Interruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me tell you I am so obsessed with these characters already. Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, they truly make me so happy!! This is my fave chapter I've written so far, enjoy!

Tuesday morning came around and Yaz woke up not to her alarm, but to Ayla crawling over her bed. “Mummy you get to take me to school today!” she announced. Yaz glanced at the clock - 6:27. Her alarm was going to go off in 3 minutes anyway. 

“Yeah I will,” she smiled and opened her arms for Ayla to lie with her. She’d taken her the first couple of weeks, before term started, but last week Hayley had taken her every day. Thankfully, she would get to take her on Tuesdays and Thursdays now, and pick her up on Wednesdays and Thursdays. It wasn’t much, but it was something. “Did you have a good sleep?” 

Ayla nodded. “Mummy how many friends have you made at work?” 

That caught her a little off guard. “What makes you ask that?” 

“Well I’ve made friends at my new school. I’ve got six friends, but Lily is my best friend. You said you’ve made friends, how many?” Ayla asked, perfectly innocently. 

Yaz loved that Ayla had made friends. She was always such a sociable little girl, but after moving she didn’t know how she’d get on. At least with her being in reception they were all starting together. She considered her question. “I’ve got 4 friends at work. They’re all teachers like me.” 

“Will I get to meet them?” Ayla asked. 

“Some time yeah, not straight away though sweetheart,” Yaz explained, not going into further details.

She accepted that happily, but sat up and looked at her Mum. “They won’t hurt you will they? I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

Yaz shook her head very quickly and sat up too, pulling Ayla in for a hug. “No sweetheart, they’re good friends I promise. Just like your friends.” 

“That’s good,” Ayla replied, just before Yaz’s alarm started ringing. “Yay breakfast time!” 

“Your mind is always on food young lady,” she chuckled. “Come on then, let’s go and find breakfast.

* * *

For the first time, Yaz found herself arriving at work in a good mood. Ayla had gone off happily into school so Yaz felt far less stressed about leaving her. Clara wasn't in the office when she arrived, so she put the kettle on and got herself settled to start on answering some emails. She'd probably been working for an hour or so when there was a knock at the door. Turning round, she recognised the girl at the door. She was one of the first year students. Yaz gestured at her to come in, which she did.

"Hi, remind me your name…" 

"Sonya Gachi," she replied.

"Oh yes! Should remember that - my sister's called Sonya. You're one of my PT students right? I was actually just about to email you all to arrange appointments," Yaz smiled. "Have a seat, how can I help?" 

Sonya sat down, "I'm really worried about the workload. I wasn't gonna say anything because it's only week two and it seems stupid, but a couple of my flatmates are second years and they said I should talk to my personal tutor so I looked up your office hours. I hope that's okay." 

"Of course it is, that's why we have office hours," she smiled reassuringly. "What is it that's worrying you in particular?"

"In the lecture last week, when you went through the course structure, there just seems to be a lot. I don't know if I'll be able to cope with it all," she told her, tearing up a little. 

Yaz reached for the tissue box on her desk and handed it to her. "Just take a deep breath for a sec," she told her and allowed Sonya the moment to calm down. "I know it seems like a lot, and it's probably really overwhelming to look at right now. University is a big step up from school or college, but that doesn't mean you can't do it,” Yaz told her, putting the box back down once she’d taken a tissue. “What I showed you last week was an overview of the next three years of your life, I definitely don’t expect you to have it all done by the end of the week." That got a little chuckle out of the student. "My first year of uni I nearly left in the first week. I didn’t really make any friends straight away, the course seemed terrifying and I went home one day and told my parents I wasn’t going back.” 

Sonya looked at her, “really?” 

“Yep. Now look where I am,” she told her. “Tell you what, why don’t you come and see me each week at this time. We can have a catch up, you can ask me about any assignments you’ve got problems with?” 

“That would be really good,” Sonya replied. “If you’re sure.” 

“Absolutely. I’ll put you in the diary. Have you been given any of your assignments yet?” she asked. 

She shook her head, “not yet, just some reading.” 

“Alright. Well we’ll meet back here this time next week and talk through what you’ve got.” As she finished speaking she noticed Clara appear at the door and make eye contact. She held up a finger to say to give them a minute. “And if you need anything in the meantime just drop me an email.” 

“Thank you so much,” Sonya nodded and stood up. 

Yaz shook her head, “no problem, honestly. It’s what I’m here for. Now go and chill out before our lecture in a bit.” She showed Sonya to the door before holding it open for Clara to come in. “Thanks for waiting.” 

“No bother, everything alright?” Clara asked. 

“Yeah, just first week nerves I think. We’re gonna catch up every week for a bit, see how she gets on,” Yaz shut the door. “Good morning?” 

Clara nodded, “yeah, great bunch of students to be fair, think some of them are with you next.” 

“Yep, Crime and Justice at 12. Can you let Bill know I’ll be there on Saturday by the way?” Yaz asked, starting to gather her stuff together. 

“Absolutely I can. I can add you to the group chat if you like, then you can be kept up to date. No pressure to say anything," Clara told her. "It'll be good to see you there."

Yaz smiled, "thanks. I haven't done anything like this for a while."

"Ah you'll be fine. You wanting to stay at Amy and Rae's place after too? Bill and I usually share the sofa bed so there's a spare sofa for you," she told her.

"That'd be great, thanks." Yaz picked up her bag. "And thanks for letting me join in. I know that sounds like something a child says, but I'm pretty shit at making friends so… this is nice." 

Clara gave her a friendly smile, "don't be daft, you're more than welcome. I need someone else in the group to keep me sane with that lot anyway. Catch you later yeah?" 

* * *

The day was going incredibly well. Yaz really felt like she had this all in hand for once. Her lecture this morning had gone well, and the seminar was running smoothly. She had sorted a few meetings with her PT students and planned a few more sections and assignments. All in all, it was very successful.

She was mid sentence when she spotted her phone start ringing on the desk and the school name flash up. "Sorry guys, I need to get this. Have a look at the question in your group and I'll come back to you," she told them, grabbing her phone and stepping out into the hall. "Hello?" 

"Hi, is this Ayla Khan's Mum?" 

"Yeah it is. Is everything okay?" Yaz could feel herself shaking, but tried to seem calm. 

"It's her teacher Miss French. We've had a bit of an incident this afternoon. Ayla didn't come in at the end of lunch, we found her hiding in the corner of the field, but now she won't tell us what's happened. She's just very upset," the teacher explained. 

Yaz felt herself holding back tears. "I take it you need me to come down?" 

"Please, I'm really sorry we did try everything first."

"No it's fine, um, I'll be about half an hour is that alright?" Yaz looked at the clock in the hall, mentally working out how to get everything sorted quickly. 

"Absolutely, she's just in the quiet room at the moment with our TA. We'll see you shortly," she said and hung up. 

Trying her best not to panic, she went back into the study room. "Right gang, early finish I'm afraid. You're welcome to stay in here until 3 when the room is booked if you want to keep discussing, and I'll send you everything through later."

Before anyone could ask questions, she packed up her stuff and headed out. Deciding to save time, she didn't bother returning to her office - her coat and other pieces could be retrieved tomorrow - she had the basics with her. 

Yaz made it to the school in 20 minutes, hopefully without breaking any speed limits, and was soon met by Ayla's teacher who showed her through. "She's more settled now, but still not really talking. I'll give you some time with her, but I'll be just out here if you need anything. My class is being covered," she explained.

"Thank you," Yaz replied, opening the door slowly. As soon as her daughter spotted her, she ran to her mother. "Hey," Yaz crouched down to her level. The TA left the room behind her. "Hey you, what's happened?" she hugged Ayla, picking her up and going to sit on the beanbags with her. Ayla refused to get off her lap. "Talk to me sweetheart, your teacher said you were upset at lunch." 

Ayla sniffled, "at circle time I said I only had a Mummy and not a Daddy, but Peter said at lunch that I have to have a Daddy. I don't want Daddy, I just want you Mummy," she hugged into Yaz even tighter. 

Even as she spoke Yaz could feel the familiar pain in her chest. She held her little girl, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head reassuringly - although who the reassurance was for could be argued. "You've always got me baby, I promise. Remember what I told you?"

"You and me forever and always," she repeated from memory.

"I'm always going to keep you safe angel," Yaz told her.

Ayla sniffled again, her face practically buried in Yaz's chest now. "I don't like thinking about it Mummy." 

"I know baby, I know," she whispered softly. "You don't have to. You let Mummy worry about that stuff okay?"

"Mmkay," Ayla replied, sounding tired at this point. Yaz noticed she'd put her thumb in her mouth, she'd usually tell her off for that but now wasn't the moment. 

By the time she'd managed to stand up, Ayla had dropped off. Yaz shifted her slightly so she could open the door. Both the teacher and TA were waiting outside. "I'm gonna get her home. She's worn out. One of the other pupils made a comment about her not having a father around, but we've talked about it." 

Miss French nodded, "alright. Let me know if you want me to take it any further, is she okay?" 

Yaz smiled slightly at how concerned the teacher was. "Yeah she will be. It's been a tough year for her, especially moving away from my family." 

"Understandable. Well if we can do anything to help then please do get in touch," Ayla's teacher replied. 

"Thank you so much," Yaz replied. 

The TA offered to help her to the car, and now the adrenaline was wearing off, Yaz couldn't really turn her down. She managed to get Ayla strapped into the car seat without waking her, then she thanked the TA and made her way home.

She just about remembered to text Hayley in time after they'd got back. Then she called Ryan and asked him to bring pizza round after work. Ayla slept on her lap the entire time, so Yaz had to work at a slight angle to tidy up her loose ends from work. She picked up her phone a little later and was surprised at the number of messages until she realised who it was.

**_Clara Oswald_ ** _ added you to  _ **_‘Young Sassy Profs_ **

**_Clara_** _[17:03] Hey Yaz! Just remembered to add you._

 ** _Bill_** _[17:04] Woo Yaz!! Welcome to the madhouse._

**_Amy_ ** _ [17:04] Good luck in here.  _

**_Bill_ ** _ [17:04] Rae is awful at looking at her phone. She'll appear eventually.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [17:15] Oi! I'm here. Hey Yaz 👋 _

**_Bill_ ** _ [17:17] It's a miracle!  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [17:18] I just threw her phone at her. _

**_Bill_ ** _ [17:18] Makes sense. _

**_Rae_ ** _ [17:19] well some of us are doing our jobs.  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [17:20] she's playing Sims.  _

**_Clara_ ** _ [17:23] speaking of jobs, I just got back to the office and your coat is still here Yaz. You still around? _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [17:30] Had to rush off after my seminars, didn't have time to visit the office. Hey guys, thanks for letting me in! Looking forward to Saturday.  _

**_Bill_ ** _ [17:30] YES YAZ ! Party time. We're meeting at Amy and Rae's place at 6. _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [17:31] I'll be there. Go easy on me! _

**_Rae_ ** _ [17:32] Why is it always Amy and Rae and not Rae and Amy?  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [17:32] I was here first _

**_Rae_ ** _ [17:34] Good point.  _

**_Bill_ ** _ [17:35] Told you it’s a madhouse in here Yaz.  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [17:50] Think she’s run away already. Don’t blame her. _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [17:54] I was working ;)  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [17:55] See! Bet you won’t take the piss outta Yaz.  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [17:56] You’re still playing Sims.  _

Yaz chuckled, she really liked this lot. Her attention was taken away from the phone, however, when the flat buzzer went and Ayla stirred. “It’s just Uncle Ryan baby, I’m gonna go get the door,” she kissed her head and moved her so she could stand up. She buzzed him in and then waited a minute while he came upstairs before opening the door. “Hey, let’s go into the kitchen for a sec,” she greeted him. Checking on Ayla on the way through, she led Ryan through to the kitchen. 

He placed the pizza on the side, “what’s happened? Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.” 

“It’s fine, you were at work. She’s slept since we got back anyway,” Yaz sighed. “A kid at school told Ayla she couldn’t not have a Dad. It really upset her.” 

Ryan was a good friend. He immediately spotted Yaz tearing up and pulled her in for a hug. “Mate I’m sorry, that can’t have been easy for you.” 

“S’not me that matters Ry,” she sighed, but didn’t pull away from the comfort of her friend’s hug. “I didn’t think she’d ever have to worry about that again after we moved, but I guess that's just wishful thinking.” 

“You’re always going to want the best for her Yaz, everyone understands that. Moving was the right thing, you know that, Ayla knows that too. It was never going to be an immediate fix for everything, but look at how far you’ve already come. Ayla’s made friends and settled at school, you’ve got a ridiculously clever job and a group of mates you’re going out with. From what you’ve told me a year ago you’d never have been going to the pub let alone a night out,” Ryan said. 

Yaz nodded, “I know… I do know that. I just want Ayla to be happy.” 

As if on command, there was a voice at the doorway. “I am happy Mummy. I was sad, but now I’m happy because Uncle Ryan is here and he bought pizza!” she pointed at the boxes on the counter with the hand that wasn’t rubbing her eye. Yaz stepped back from Ryan and went to pick Ayla up. 

“You want pizza then baby?” she asked.

“Then can we watch Nemo? I like all the fish,” Ayla replied, directing the last part at Ryan as if informing him of her reasons for the choice. “And it makes Mummy laugh so she will be happy too.” 

Yaz fought back another round of tears, “Mummy is happy baby, I’ve got you and I’ve got my best friend. What more could I ask for?” 

“Best friend huh? Promoted so soon, Gran will be proud,” Ryan cheeked back.

“Don’t knock it. I’ll take it away if you’re not careful.” 

Ryan held his hands up, “I’ll get the pizza, you set the film up.” 

* * *

By the end of the film, Ayla had dropped off again. Ryan cleared up while Yaz got her changed and into bed, tucking her in with her favourite bear. She pulled the door to, but not completely closed, before joining Ryan back in the kitchen.

“Thank you for coming tonight, it means a lot,” Yaz told him. 

“Nah don’t mention it bestie,” he chuckled.

Yaz rolled her eyes, “don’t make me regret that.” Then she added, “I’m serious though Ry. I know it’s only been 3 months since we moved down, and only a few more since we got back in contact, but you’ve made this so much easier on both of us. Ayla loves you, I didn’t think she’d trust anyone that quick so soon. Didn’t think I would, to be honest.” 

“You are a very strong person Yaz, stronger than I’ll ever be. Got a lot of respect for you. Ayla’s a great kid, that’s down to you.” He told her. “Now I’m gonna be honest, you look shattered. I’ll leave you for the night, get some rest yeah?” 

She saw him out and shut the flat door, putting the latch on before going back to her bedroom. She lay down on the bed, looking at the family photo again and grabbed her phone, just needing to do one more thing before she went to sleep. 

**_Yaz_ ** _ [21:15] Love you Mum xx _

**_Najia_ ** _ [21:15] Love you too Yaz _

**_Najia_ ** _ [21: 16] Everything okay? Xx _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [21: 18] Yeah, just needed to tell you that. Goodnight xx _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but 'young sassy profs' is gonna be legendary. Ryan is also a darling.
> 
> Next chapter will be the long awaited (a solid 2 chapters) night out!! Currently I'm planning on uploading Tuesdays and Friday/Saturday. Depends how writing goes around work and health, but so far so good... so see you all on Tuesday!


	5. A grand night out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday everyone :). I'm here with the NIGHT OUT CHAPTER !! As always, thank you so much for all your lovely comments, you're incredible. Enjoy everyone!
> 
> TW// harassment - there's a short scene in the nightclub. If you want to skip, you can stop reading when they go into the club, and start at the next line break xx.

Yaz made sure to spend Saturday morning and afternoon with Ayla. They got her homework done, then played with playdough and then went out and had a picnic in the park for lunch. The afternoon was spent, at Ayla’s request, making a den in the lounge. When Ryan arrived at half 4, Yaz had to crawl out from the blanket fort to answer the door. As soon as the door opened, Ayla scurried out too, running to Ryan. “Look Uncle Ryan! We build a castle!” 

“Did you now? Does that make you a princess?” he asked her. 

Immediately, Ayla gasped and looked at Yaz. “Mummy! I’m a princess! Can I go and put my princess dress on?” 

Yaz nodded. “Of course you can, but be tidy yeah?” She’d already gone before that sentence was finished. There would be clothes everywhere soon. “She’s very excited about your sleepover, not shut up about it all day. Uncle Ryan this, Uncle Ryan that. Think I’m being replaced.” 

Ryan chuckled, “there you go then. No need to worry tonight is there?” 

"Doesn't mean I won't," Yaz poked his chest playfully. "Cuppa?" 

"Stop delaying and go and get ready to go out," Ryan replied. "I can make my own tea." 

Yaz sighed, "you're too good." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Alright I'm going I'm going," she held her hands up and disappeared into the bedroom.

There wasn't much to do as they were all getting properly ready at Rae and Amy's place, but she needed to put her outfit into a bag and organise her makeup. While she was sorting everything out she could hear Ayla run out of her bedroom, shouting at Ryan about her dress. Yaz smiled listening to their interactions, she loved how much Ayla trusted Ryan and how good he was with her. Although they hadn't spent that much time together in their school years, Yaz had always felt she could rely on Ryan, and he was proving that now. She had a lot to thank him for.

Finally everything was packed, including her overnight things, so she went back out into the living room. She quickly realised Ayla had got Ryan to go into the blanket fort, so she went over and knelt down at the entrance. "Hey kiddo, Mummy's got to go now." Ayla stopped in her tracks. She'd been playing with her soft toys, and Ryan was holding a small empty plastic cup and saucer. She looked over, and Yaz could see the sudden uncertainty in her face. "Remember everything I said? It's only one night. I'll be back before lunchtime tomorrow and you're going to have loads of fun with Uncle Ryan." 

Ayla nodded, but still ran over and gave Yaz the biggest hug. "I'll miss you loads Mummy."

"I'm gonna miss you too kiddo, but it won't be too long I promise," she kissed her head. "You're such a big brave girl now."

Suddenly her daughter broke free and ran back to the pile of soft toys, assessing them. Yaz and Ryan shared a slightly confused glance, before Ayla returned with one of them. "You should take Giraffe with you. She'll keep you safe," Ayla held out the toy for Yaz. 

Her parents had given Ayla the giraffe toy before they left for London and she loved it. Yaz's Mum had told her granddaughter that she should hug it every time she missed them and it would be like getting a hug from her grandparents. "I can't take Giraffe baby, you might need her." 

She shook her head, "I won't. I want her to look after you, she said she will." 

Yaz was a little torn. She still wasn't comfortable to tell her friends about Ayla, but she didn't want to upset her daughter either. Maybe if she just left the toy in her bag… "alright then, let's go and make sure Giraffe is safe in my bag and then I'd better get going yeah?" 

She took Ayla's hand and took her to the front door where she'd left her bag. Together they made sure the toy was comfortable in her bag, leaving her neck sticking out for now - Yaz would tuck that away when she got in the car. Ryan had also crawled out to say goodbye. Yaz smiled when her daughter allowed him to pick her up. "Have lots of fun at your party Mummy." 

"And you have lots of fun with Uncle Ryan! Send me some pictures of that cake when you've made it," she gently tickled under Ayla's chin to make her giggle before placing a kiss on her forehead. "You two better not make any mess!"

"We're gonna make LOADS of mess," Ayla giggled as Yaz opened the door. 

Ryan chuckled, "see you tomorrow Yaz. Enjoy yourself - we will be just fine." 

Finally she dragged herself away, shutting the door behind her and heading down to meet the car.

* * *

When she arrived outside Amy and Rae's place, she spent a few minutes trying to cover up the evidence that she had been crying on the journey over. Was she being ridiculous? Maybe. She had gone around a couple of roundabouts twice, almost going home, but Yaz knew she had to do this. Ryan was right, she needed to live her own life too. Her phone buzzed as she was opening the door and she looked down to see a message from Ryan. It was a picture of Ayla covered in flour and grinning from ear to ear. 

**_Ryan_ ** _[18:03] having a great time! Enjoy yourself x_

 **_Yaz_ ** _[18:04] make sure she has a bath before bed!! Thanks Ry x_

With that, she slipped her phone in her pocket and went to the door, ringing the bell. 

Very quickly the door opened and Clara was on the other side. "Hey you made it! Come on in," she moved out of the way and Yaz stepped inside before Clara shut the door. "Follow the noise and you'll find the rabble," she chuckled. 

Yaz did as suggested and went through a door on the right into the living room. "Hey Yaz!" Bill called out. Amy waved from the sofa, but she was on the phone. There was another woman sat by Bill who smiled at her. "Oh yeah! Yaz this is my girlfriend Heather." 

"Good to meet you," Heather nodded at her. 

"Rae's just up in her room, she won't be long," Clara explained. "Have a seat, I was just about to get drinks." 

Clara disappeared into the kitchen. "So how did you spend your Saturday then?" Bill asked her. 

"Bit of work, mostly browsing Netflix. Didn't want to do anything too tiring before tonight," Yaz smiled. "How about you?"

"Nah uh, you don't want to know the answer to that question," Amy quickly butted in, having just come off the phone. Yaz looked at her, confused. "Just trust me." 

"What?! It is my birthday after all, and Heather's working tonight," Bill shrugged.

That pretty much answered Yaz's question, and why Amy had interrupted. "Gotcha," Yaz chuckled. 

Clara reappeared with a tray full of wine glasses and handed them around, just as Rae entered the room. "Nice of you to grace us with your presence," Amy commented.

Rae slumped down on the sofa by Yaz. "Oi grumpy, what's up?" Bill asked.

"I don't know what to wear," Rae complained. All the others immediately groaned. "What?"

"We go through this every time we go out," Bill explained to Yaz. "Bagsy not helping this time - it's my birthday." 

"Well I'm not helping, she never likes my choices," Amy held her hands up.

"That's because you want to get me in a dress and that's not happening," Rae argued back. 

All eyes went to Clara. "No way, I did it last time!" 

Yaz smiled at the banter around the room. "I'll help. I used to have to spend a good 2 hours watching my sister try on outfits for a night out," she told them. 

"On your own head be it," Amy shrugged. "I'm gonna go get ready."

Everyone else agreed, taking their wine glasses and to go and change and do makeup. "You can get ready in my room if you like," Rae said to Yaz as she stood up. Yaz nodded, picking up her bag again and following her upstairs. "They're not being as mean as they sound, it's kinda a running thing." 

"Nah I figured," Yaz told her as they entered her room. Immediately she was taken aback by the decoration. "Wow, your room is beautiful."

"Really? You like it?" Rae asked, a little nervously. 

The room was kind of space themed, but not in a childish way. There was a galaxy pattern on the wall behind her bed, the rest of the walls were a dark grey, and there was a lamp turned on that projected stars on the ceiling and around the room. The top of each wall had a rainbow banner along it to add some colour. There was also a pride flag hanging on one wall, and various picture frames dotted around. She had a desk in one corner littered with what looked like little experiments, and an adjacent work space. "Yeah, it's like physics chic," Yaz chuckled. "So come on then, how can I help?"

Rae pointed to the bed which was littered with clothes. "I go 'out out' with these guys approximately 4 times a year."

"Their birthdays," Yaz observed. 

"Yep. I'm rubbish at all this, and I never know what to wear. I mean, you've seen what I usually wear to work, and you can see what I wear casually. That's easy, but going out? I've no idea." 

Yaz nodded, walking over to the bed and assessing the choices. She pulled a couple of options 0, trying to decide what would look good on someone she'd known for all of two weeks. "Here, try these on." 

Rae took the clothes, "oo I've never worn these together. I'll go into the bathroom and try it, hold on." Yaz watched her disappear into the little bathroom attached to her room. While she waited she started unpacking her own clothes and makeup bag. She smiled a little at the giraffe sitting on the top, before closing the bag back up. If Ayla knew her Giraffe was enclosed in a bag like that she'd be fuming.

The door to the bathroom reopened and Rae stepped out. Yaz's jaw almost dropped, but she resisted. She'd picked out some black jeans, a suit jacket and a white strappy vest with rainbow stripes across it. Yaz liked the seemingly strong rainbow vibe to Rae's wardrobe and life in general. "Wow," she managed to get words out. "You look great." 

Rae blushed a little, "really?" 

"Yeah! Definitely go with that," Yaz smiled. 

"Awesome! Thanks Yaz you’re ace," Rae grinned. "Did you want to use the bathroom to change?" 

Yaz thanked her and took her clothes into the en-suite. She had a black pinstripe suit and plain black tee to wear underneath. She hadn't worn it in well over a year, but it was a safe bet. She changed fairly quickly, folding up her jeans and jumper she had been wearing and went back out into the room. She didn't miss Rae's double take. "Blimey Yaz, you're kinda hot," she stated. 

"Thanks? I guess?" Yaz replied, smiling and putting her clothes by her bag. "Just need to sort my face out," she chuckled and grabbed her makeup bag. 

"Don't tend to do makeup, just make a mess of it," Rae shrugged. "Gonna go see what Amy's doing. Take as long as you need though. Which isn't long, because you're already-" Rae stopped herself. "Sorry, mouth running away with me. See you in a bit." 

* * *

They’d had dinner and drinks at Heather’s pub once everyone was ready, and it was now around half 10. “Does it make us old that we’re queuing to get into a club before 11pm?” Clara asked. 

“Don’t you call me old Oswald,” Amy tutted. “We’re just starting the party early.” 

Yaz chuckled “yep, and it’s our turn to go in if any of you were paying attention.” 

“She’s good,” Rae grinned and they all made their way in. 

She was having fun, genuinely having fun for the first time in a long time. Inside the club, Clara got a round of drinks in and they were all stood dancing together. Each one of them was smiling, laughing, joking around. Yaz felt truly great for the first time in a long time. Maybe that was the alcohol talking, but it was still fun. "Hey Yaz come dance with me!" Bill grinned and dragged her over for a dance. It was probably a little questionable to call what they were doing dancing, but they were holding hands and moving. 

The club started to fill up as time passed by. Around half 11 Yaz offered to get the next round in and left the group to go to the bar. She stood leaning against the counter, waiting to be served and glancing back to her friends. Amy now had Rae dancing with her. Rae looked a little like she'd been forced into it, but she still seemed to be enjoying herself. Yaz couldn't help but be drawn to her smile, it was captivating. It was so different to the slightly unsure woman she'd met previously, and she really did look good in that outfit. 

"On your own are you?" Yaz jumped at the voice in her ear. She suddenly noticed the close proximity of the person it had come from. 

She took a step away from the man. "No, just buying drinks." 

"That's a shame, was going to invite you to join me," he smiled, but that was not a friendly smile. Yaz could feel her chest tighten a little.

"Well I'm not going to," she replied, trying to sound calm. 

He moved closer again. "You sure? I can show you a good time," he smirked and put a hand on her waist. 

She flinched, but couldn't move any further. With panic rising she didn't know exactly what happened next, but someone else appeared beside her and punched this guy's lights out. Then she was being led outside, the fresh air hitting her face. They went around the corner into the alley out of the way of the crowds. "You okay?" Yaz looked up and realised it was Rae that had led her out, with Amy just behind her. Within seconds, Bill and Clara also appeared. "Guys don't crowd her," Rae told them. 

"Let's go over here," Amy led them a little further down so Yaz was left with Rae. 

Yaz was taking deep breaths, leaning against the wall behind her. "Bill packs a mean punch," Rae spoke, just talking to reassure Yaz she was there. "How are you feeling?"

"Kinda shaky, but okay," Yaz managed to get out. "Sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault," Rae told her, "Can I get you anything?" 

Yaz shook her head, "no I'm alright, promise. Just, um, just bought up some bad memories." 

"Wanna talk about it?" 

"Isn't that Clara's line?" Yaz joked, making Rae chuckle. 

"Good one. I was serious though," she looked so concerned. 

Yaz briefly considered it, but now wasn't the time or the place. She didn't want to ruin the rest of the night - specifically she didn't want _him_ to ruin the rest of the night. "Nah, it's fine. Why don't we head somewhere else?" 

"Are you sure?" Rae asked. 

"Absolutely, after that I definitely need another drink," Yaz smiled. "Let's go." 

They went over to join the others, Yaz following Rae. She suddenly realised her thoughts had quickly moved from what had just happened inside, to how much her new friend cared. It wasn't all bad.

Instead of going to another club, Bill suggested they head for the bar again. Amy had teased her about wanting to see Heather - she didn't deny it. This did benefit all of them, because Heather managed to swing them a VIP booth and bought over some champagne. "You proper whacked that guy," Clara said to Bill before sipping from her glass. 

Bill shrugged, "idiot deserved it." 

"Thanks for doing that," Yaz smiled at her. 

"Rae spotted you, I'm just the muscle," she flexed her arm to make her point, causing Yaz to laugh. The laugh also coincided with a thought.

_Rae was watching me_

Why did she even care about that? She looked over to the blonde who was deep in conversation with Amy, clearly using her arms to talk as they moved wildly around. Rae noticed her and smiled, before returning to her conversation. "Oi Yaz, you still with me?" 

She was brought back down to earth when Bill spoke. "Hm? Oh yeah, sorry," she smiled. "So good birthday then?" 

"The best yet!"

"You say that every year," Clara pointed out. 

"Yep, that's why I say yet. So every year you lot have to do one better," she smirked and looked to Yaz. "Not just a pretty face am I?"

"Nah you've got a nice butt too," Yaz quipped back.

The joke caused Clara to go into hysterics. "Yasmin Khan you fit into this group perfectly," she said when she'd stopped half choking on her drink. 

Yaz patted her back a little to help her out, smiling at her statement. She finally fitted in.

* * *

It turned out, Rae was an emotional drunk after a certain point. In the taxi home she started telling Yaz how amazing all her friends were and how much she loved that they had a new friend now. Then she fell onto Yaz's shoulder and fell asleep. Amy informed her that's why she didn't sit next to Rae, but Yaz didn't really mind. 

When they got back to the house, Yaz nudged Rae awake and helped her out of the car. Luckily Yaz could handle her drink and was probably in the best shape of them all, maybe with the exception of Amy. She got Rae upstairs while Bill, Clara and Amy sorted the sofa bed out downstairs. Rae tried to just lie down, but Yaz told her she needed to get changed first. "Don't want to," she mumbled sleepily. 

"You'll be super uncomfortable sleeping in jeans Rae," Yaz told her, finding her PJs under the pillow. "Just pop these on." 

"Noooo," Rae complained. This was like trying to dress Ayla for bed after a busy day. "M'tired. You do it."

Yaz almost choked on air when she said that. "Rae I can't change you, you're an adult." 

"S'okay I've got a nice body," she mumbled. Yaz had to seriously control her facial expressions. 

Luckily, Amy appeared in the doorway at that point. "Rae mate, you can't keep stripping off in front of people."

"Yaz isn't people, Yaz is friend," Rae argued. Amy rolled her eyes, giving Rae a look and finally Rae huffed. "Fine I'll change." 

"Excellent, we'll just step out for a moment," Amy gestured for Yaz to follow her out. Once they had pulled the door closed she continued talking. "Honestly like handling a child at the end of the night. Love her to pieces though." 

"You guys are really close, she respects you," Yaz observed.

Amy nodded, "and I her. Might be a pain in the butt sometimes, but wouldn't change Rae for anything. I was glad when she moved down here to be honest."

"It's nice, that you guys all have each other," Yaz told her.

"Well you've got us now n all," Amy replied. "Bill doesn't punch people for just anyone ya know?" They both laughed briefly at that. "Rae isn't great with new people either, but she is already clearly comfortable with you. Anyone that can manage that is good with me, and Clara… well, Clara'd be friends with anyone to be fair, but she's a good judge of character." 

Yaz had to wipe an escaping tear away. "Sorry, don't mean to get soppy. This is just all new to me." 

"Seriously, you've never had a group of friends like this?" Amy questioned.

Shaking her head, Yaz replied. "No… not really. Not one where I've felt so accepted for me." 

"Well there's no escape now," Amy told her. Then there was a thump from inside Rae's bedroom. "That's our cue. Ready?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little mix of emotions eh? But that scene with Rae getting ready for bed was possibly my favourite thing I've ever written.


	6. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pals! Welcome back, it's lovely to have you here. Chapter 6 eh? Crazy. I love reading all your little theories in the comments, when you pick up on my little hints or get fooled by the red herrings. It's great to interact with you all! Thank you as always! 
> 
> Mini TW: Yaz makes reference to the events of the previous evening. Absolutely no details are mentioned at all, but if you want to skip the moment then skip the paragraph after "...These friends are good people though aren't they?"
> 
> Enjoy :) xx

Waking up on the sofa was surprisingly comfortable. Yaz looked over to see that Bill and Clara were both absolutely zonked out still, but there was definite movement in the kitchen. She stood up, grabbing her jumper and sticking it on over her PJ top before getting her phone and going into the room to find Rae at the kettle. "Mornin' Yaz," she said cheerily. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah actually, I was kinda surprised," she replied, amazed at how happy Rae seemed considering her state just a few hours prior. 

"Good to hear. Tea?" Rae asked. "I'm making toast n all if you want some." 

Yaz nodded, "tea and toast would be great actually, thanks. Did you sleep okay?"

"Excellent night's sleep Yaz, absolutely brilliant. Thanks for persuading me to change, sleeping in jeans would've been a terrible plan," Rae replied, grabbing an extra mug.

"To be fair it was Amy that persuaded you in the end," Yaz pointed out.

Rae put a teabag in each mug and poured the just boiled kettle. "Ah yes, but it was you that didn't give in to my begging," she pointed out. "I like that, someone who can hold their own. I can be very stubborn." 

"I'd never have guessed," Yaz chuckled and went to the fridge to get the milk for her. "How come you decided to move to London then?" 

She took the milk, carefully pouring into each mug before stirring and handing the mug to Yaz. "Promotion, mostly. But I wasn't happy in Leeds anymore either. Loads of shit happened, I went through a pretty ugly breakup and I needed to get out. Amy had been bugging me to make the move with her from the start anyway, and I needed a friend. So when the job came up for the department lead here, it seemed perfect." 

Yaz took the mug gratefully and watched as Jo started on the toast. "Sounds like the timing was great, sorry about the circumstances though." 

Rae shook her head, "nah it's fine. Long gone now, moving on with life. What about you, how come you decided to move here?" 

She took a sip of her tea to give herself a moment to formulate a response. "I'd done my training year in Sheffield, but I wanted a change really. Nothing was happening for me up there anymore. Didn't have any friends to speak of, things were… messy. Bit of a leap of faith moving so far from my family, but it's working out pretty well so far." 

"You've already got a friend down here too right?" Rae asked, grabbing the butter and a knife.

"Ryan yeah. We knew each other at school, weren't that close, but that's changed a lot in the last few months. He's been a godsend with moving and stuff, put up with me crying from homesickness at first and all that," Yaz smiled. 

As if he was listening in, her phone buzzed on the side where she'd left it. She reached over and picked it up, smiling at the video of Ayla jumping around the living room. 

**_Ryan_ ** _ [09:21] She’s been like this since 7am. _

__ **_Yaz_ ** _ [09:22] I did warn you... _

**_Ryan_ ** _ [09:22] I underestimated the energy levels! Good night?  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [09:23] Really good thanks. I’ll fill you in later, good luck taming the wild one.  _

“Someone special?” Rae asked. 

“Hm?” Yaz looked up, “oh! Nah just Ryan. He’s looking after my- um, looking after my cat for the night. She’s quite young, energetic,” Yaz replied, internally hating the fact she’s had to lie. 

Rae suddenly lit up, “you have a cat? Got any pics?” 

“Uh- new phone, sorry,” she smiled apologetically. 

“Ah fair enough,” Rae smiled and went back to buttering toast. She handed the plate over to her. “There you go.” 

“Thanks,” Yaz took it from her. “You’re a star.” 

Amy came into the kitchen at that point, “don’t inflate her ego any further.” 

“Morning to you too Pond,” Rae replied. “Did you know Yaz has a cat?” 

“I did not,” Amy replied, pouring herself a coffee. “She loves cats,” Amy told Yaz.

Great, so she’d lied about having a cat to someone who loved cats. What a stupid thing to do. She gave a small smile, trying to hide her regret. “Those two still asleep?” Yaz asked to try and change the subject. 

"Absolutely zonked out," Amy told her. "If we can manage to drag them out I was thinking we could go grab brunch at the café down the road." 

Yaz glanced at the clock, she knew she couldn't be too late and it was already approaching 10am at a rapid rate. "I'll probably have to head home. Need to be back before 12 - promised my parents I'd call and Dad's a stickler for time," she smiled. Two lies in a matter of minutes - fantastic job Yaz.

"Sure you can't delay it?" Rae asked, biting into her toast. 

Yaz shook her head, "sorry guys." 

Thankfully they accepted her excuse at that point and the three of them moved back into the lounge. 

Yaz briefly went to change back into the clothes she had arrived in yesterday, and when she returned Amy was flicking water at Clara and Bill. "Oi!" Clara sat up, wiping her face. "You cheeky sod." Bill just groaned and turned into the pillow. 

"I think we know who has the worst hangover," Amy chuckled. "We're gonna go get brunch at the local café later if you two can be arsed to move."

Now Bill sat up, "did someone mention food? Yes let's go."

Yaz stifled a laugh, along with the rest of the room when they saw Bill's state. Her hair was all over the place and one cheek was bright red from how she had been lying. "You might need to tidy up a little first," she chuckled. 

"Why are you dressed?" Bill replied. "It's like, not the afternoon."

This woman was seriously hungover, and everyone was finding it hilarious. "I've gotta get home."

"You're not coming for food?" Bill asked.

Yaz shook her head, "sorry mate. Things to do, people to see." 

She flopped back down on the pillow. "I don't know how you can function. You're as bad as her," she flung an arm in Rae's direction. 

Rae, who was perched on the arm of the chair still eating her toast, simply shrugged. 

At that point, Amy stole their duvet. "Get up ya lazy bastards." 

Eventually everyone disappeared into their respective areas to get changed. While they did, Yaz helped Rae wash up the glasses from the night before along with their mugs and plates. "Thanks for last night," Yaz broke the silence. "I really appreciate it." 

"Don't be silly Yaz, it's what friends are for," she told her. "You can tell me to go away if I'm out of line but… you said something about bad memories. Has something happened to you before?" Yaz put down the glass she'd been cleaning, not looking back up. "Sorry, sorry I don't mean to upset you. Just forget I said anything."

Yaz bit her lip briefly, taking a deep breath. "No, it's alright. I just don't talk much about my past because… well, it's a bit shit to be honest. I've just not had great experiences with men in recent years, or women really, but especially men. Anyone I really thought as a friend it seemed was just taking me for a ride, so I've kinda lost the ability to trust anyone too much. Can't let myself go through all that again. Last night was a huge step for me, going out with you all. Everytime one of you includes me or tells me I'm your friend it's hard for me to accept it. I'm working on it, that's why Ryan persuaded me to come, but it's hard." 

Rae put the last plate in the rack and dried her hands off. "You are awesome Yaz. You're funny and cute and already proving yourself as a great friend. Thank you for trusting me with that information, I won't say anything to the others unless you want me to." Yaz felt herself tear up, and as she did Rae cautiously put her arms around her. She accepted the gesture, and finally let her walls crack slightly and some tears escape. "If you ever want to talk about anything, or just go for a coffee and listen to me talk - because we all know I can - then just drop me a message. Despite what it looks like, we don't always do things as a group, so it can just be me if you want." 

Yaz took a step back then, "thanks Rae. Sorry for that." 

"Don't you dare apologise. We all need to let things out sometimes," Rae told her. "Hey it's nearly 11, I guess you need to head off?" 

"Oh yeah thanks," Yaz smiled, quickly wiping at her eyes.

After saying her goodbyes to them all, she left the house and went to her car. When she got in, she opened her rucksack and pulled out the giraffe toy from inside, holding it close for a moment. Maybe Ayla was right, she did need something to protect her.

* * *

The moment Yaz stepped in the door she was jumped on by her daughter. "Mummy you're home!" 

Yaz picked her up in one swift motion, letting her bag drop to the floor. "Yep, didn't I promise you I'd be back?" 

Ayla nodded, nuzzling into her shoulder. "I missed you." 

"I missed you too baby. Did you have fun with Uncle Ryan?" she asked. 

"Yeah! We made cake," she replied. "He wouldn't let me have any for breakfast though." 

"Good," Yaz chuckled and gently poked her nose. "You were hyper enough this morning." 

Ryan reappeared from the kitchen. "She's shattered now, didn't sleep too great did we munchkin?" He walked over and gently ruffled Ayla's hair. "We had a good sleepover though didn't we?"

"Uncle Ryan read me lots of books," Ayla confirmed. "He does all the voices."

"Well that sounds great," Yaz smiled and then looked to Ryan. "Thank you so much for this. I really enjoyed myself last night, more than I expected." 

Ryan smiled. "Good. You deserved a night off. Now I deserve at least seven. Mind if I head off?"

"Nah not at all, you've definitely done enough to deserve a break," she smiled. 

Once Ryan was gone, she carried Ayla (who bluntly refused to be put down now) over over the sofa and sat with her. "You tired baby?" Ayla nodded into her chest. "Have a little sleep, we can have lunch in a bit." She put her feet up on the sofa and ended up lying with Ayla on top of her, safely in her arms. Very soon after that Ayla's breathing settled and she fell asleep. Yaz quickly followed.

Yaz only woke up two hours later when her phone rang. Ayla also stirred, rubbing her eyes. "It's Nana," she told her, reaching for the offending item that had woken them and answering the video call. "Hi Mum."

"Hello sweetheart, you look very tired." 

"Good to see you too," Yaz replied. "We've just been having a little nap," she moved the camera slightly to show Ayla still coming to on her chest. 

Najia smiled at the sight of her granddaughter. "How are you both getting on?" 

"We're good Nana," Ayla replied, obviously awake enough now. She sat up slightly and stole the phone from Yaz. "I had a sleepover with uncle Ryan last night. Mummy went to a party. I made cake and uncle Ryan read me loads of books." She jumped off the sofa and started wandering off with the phone. Yaz rolled her eyes, standing up to follow her. Ayla went into the kitchen, starting to drag a chair to stand on, but Yaz quickly stopped her. "I just want to show Nana the cake!" Ayla complained to her mother. 

"I'll get it out then, but we don't want any accidents now do we?" Yaz told her, opening the door and getting the cake tin down. She opened it and Ayla moved the phone to show her Nana.

Najia made the appropriate yummy noises. "Well that looks lovely. Sounds like you had a great time. So Mummy went to a party huh?"

Immediately Yaz tried to get the phone off her daughter but Ayla was having none of it. "Yep! She made friends at work, four of them!" She held up four fingers to make her point. "They're good friends so it's okay."

"Well that sounds great, can I talk to Mummy for a bit?" Najia asked. 

To help the process along, Yaz added "why don't you go and find your favourite drawings to show Nana when I'm done?" 

"Okay!" She jumped excitedly, handing Yaz the phone back and running to her bedroom. 

"She's doing really well Yaz," Najia commented.

Yaz shut the kitchen door, "it's mostly good. We're still struggling with the childminder. Outside of school she's really not a fan of anyone other than myself and Ryan." 

"She'll get there. It's been a tough time for you both," she gave her daughter a sad smile. "But you've made friends at work? That's great Yaz." 

"Yeah it's good, didn't think I'd be able to so…" Yaz sighed. "I haven't told them about Ayla yet. I'm too scared." 

"Oh Yaz," Najia replied. "It's understandable, you want to keep her safe. These friends are good people though aren't they?"

Yaz bit her lip, "yeah. I mean, I guess. I've only known them a couple of weeks though, what if I'm wrong? I've been wrong before." She sighed. "Last night there was a bit of an incident in the club. I got kinda freaked out, but they all crowded round. Bill punched his lights out, Rae took me outside to calm down and Clara and Amy had my back too. I'm fine now, before you worry. They were… well, they were amazing to be honest."

"Yaz it sounds to me like you've found some good mates there, but you don't have to tell them anything until you're comfortable too. Just remember not everyone is bad sweetheart, despite what your past might tell you," Najia insisted. "I know you don't want Ayla hurt again, but she's really happy you've got friends Yaz! She's a clever little girl." 

Yaz nodded, "too clever sometimes." She ran a hand through her hair. "I'm scared of screwing all this up Mum." 

"You want to know what I really think?" Najia asked. Yaz agreed. "I think you need to have someone else to talk to. I think you should talk to your friends, at least to one of them."

Her mind flashed back to Rae's offer earlier. "Yeah… maybe you're right."

"I'm always right sweetheart, that's my job as your mother," Najia smiled. "Now where is my granddaughter at?" 

* * *

Monday morning had been another fight at the childminder's front door. Yaz had found it particularly difficult today, so when she arrived at work she was still quite emotional. She sat in her car for a few minutes, trying to calm herself down. It would get better, it had to. 

She almost jumped out of her skin when there was a knock on the window. Thankfully when she looked up it was Clara standing there. Yaz lowered the window. "Hey, you alright in there?"

"Uh, yeah. Just missing home a bit this morning," she wiped at her eyes. "Hold on I'll come out." 

Once the window was shut, Yaz got out and grabbed her bags from the boot. "Anything happened in particular?"

"Just a rough morning. I'll be fine, let's get in the warm," Yaz locked the car and they walked towards the building. "You recovered yet?" 

Clara chuckled, "better than Bill."

"Oh yeah I saw her complaining in the chat last night," Yaz smiled. "For someone dating a bartender she's not that great with her alcohol huh?"

"Definitely not," Clara replied and unlocked the office door for them. "I'll get the kettle on. Can I do anything else for you?"

"No, no I'm alright honestly," Yaz told her and sat down. 

Clara nodded, "good to hear."

"Oh how was your brunch yesterday?" Yaz asked, determined to get the conversation off her. 

"Great yeah. Rae ended eating Bill's plate as well as her own," she chuckled. "She kept saying how nice it was to have you there n all. You've made an impact on her." 

"She was a great help to me last night," Yaz told her.

Clara nodded, "yeah she's a good listener. Incredible for someone that talks so much." 

Once again Yaz's mind drifted to what Rae had said, and what her Mum had told her to do. "S'a good quality to have." 

She pulled her phone out. 

**_Yaz_ ** _ [08:02] Was thinking about your offer. It might be nice to meet one on one. You want to go for coffee some time? x _

Knowing that Rae wasn't great with her phone, she put it down again. Surprisingly, it vibrated on the desk almost immediately.

**_Rae_ ** _ [08:03] I'd love to. You free tomorrow morning? x _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [08:03] sounds great. 11am? x _

**_Rae_ ** _ [08:04] perfect. I'll meet you outside the science building. I won't mention it to the others if you don't want me to? x _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [08:05] thank you. See you at lunch later x _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe and you all thought she was gonna see the Giraffe ;). But good news! They're meeting up! Oh and Rae likes cats. If I could draw, I would draw her surrounded by them. But I can't, so I won't.
> 
> See you Tuesday my loves :D xx


	7. Cracks in the Concrete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite a big chapter, and probably the most difficult I found to write so far... 
> 
> TW: Discussion of previous controlling relationship. Nightmares about said man. There are no specific details discussed. The nightmare is in italics after the line break, you can skip that if needed. If you want to skip it all, start reading at the line I've put in bold - everything after that is just cute tbh.  
> This is the only time I plan on properly discussing the topic, but obviously it will be hinted at as it has been in previous chapters. 
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy the chapter :). Thank you as always for all your kind comments xx

They met in a coffee shop off campus. Yaz wanted it to be somewhere she felt she could talk freely without concern of someone she knew overhearing, but she wanted it to be public for some sense of control. She’d arrived first, so got two teas in and found a table in the corner. Yaz had almost cancelled this altogether, but when she dropped Ayla off at school that morning, her 4 year old had told her to ‘have a good day with your friends Mummy’. That was enough to remind her why she was doing this. 

Rae arrived about five minutes later, running in. It was raining outside, she had her umbrella but somehow was still soaked. Her umbrella also got stuck in the door, and Yaz chuckled into her arm as she watched her wriggle it about before getting inside. She pursed her lips and suppressed the laughter as she sat down. “You okay there?” Yaz asked as she sat down, shaking her coat off. 

“Uh- well, had a little fight with the umbrella so I’m a little damp now, but otherwise perfectly fine,” Rae smiled and sat down. “Oh you got tea! Perfect, brilliant. Just what I need,” she picked up the mug to warm her hands. “Sorry, slightly chaotic arrival.” 

“Somehow I’m in no way surprised,” Yaz smiled. “How’s your morning been otherwise?” 

“Surprisingly productive actually. Unusual for a Tuesday, I find Tuesdays a strange day,” she stated. Yaz didn’t question it. “How about you?” 

Yaz put her mug down, keeping her hands wrapped around it. “I quite like a Tuesday, usually an easier morning for me.” 

“Oh yeah, you start later on Tuesdays right?” Rae commented, “I tend to come in at 8 regardless. I like to work in the office as much as I can, get too distracted at home,” she chuckled and sipped her tea. “How are you doing after the weekend?” 

“Yeah fine actually, it was a great night,” she told her.

Rae smiled widely, “good! I’m really glad you still enjoyed it.” 

Yaz shook her head, “I’ve got far more important things to worry about,” she said, almost without considering the implication. 

There was a moment of silence, and Yaz could see Rae was trying to work out how to say her next sentence. “How-when- well,” she sighed. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel like there’s something you really want to talk about. I don’t know what it is, but I want to promise you Yaz - whatever you tell me is up to you. I’m not gonna force anything from you, and I won’t share anything with anyone - not Amy or any of the others. I just want you to have someone you can talk to.” 

“I’m not ready, not for all of it,” Yaz gripped her mug, staring down into it. “But after talking to Ryan and my Mum, I know I need someone else I can open up to. You were so nice to me on Saturday night, so you came to mind… I hope that’s okay. A lot of what I have to say, it’s not nice. I don’t want to burden you with anything you don’t want.” 

Rae was quick to respond. “Yaz we’re mates now. I want to help. You should feel comfortable here, and if I can help with that I will. There’s no rush, just talk freely.” 

A few deep breaths later, Yaz finally started to talk. “When I told you why I moved down here, it wasn’t a complete lie. It wasn’t really a lie at all, but it wasn’t the whole truth,” she felt her hands shaking and tightened her hold on the mug. “I had a long term relationship. It started while I was doing my A levels and ended about 2 years ago. The thing is, he became very controlling. It wasn’t a good relationship. Everyone around me knew that, but I refused to believe it. I lost the few friends I had, but I didn’t care at the time. I only went to uni in Sheffield because he didn’t want me to move away, and even then…” Yaz sighed, “even then I didn’t really get to experience much of the uni life.” She took a sip of the tea to give herself a break. Rae just waited patiently, giving her the space to think. “It took me 5 years to realise what was going on, but finally I knew I had to get out. The only place I could really go was my parents, and I’d barely seen them in years. Thankfully, they were amazing and took me straight back in, but he didn’t give up. The year after that I spent mostly terrified of what he might do,” she felt herself tear up. 

Rae reached into her bag, pulling out a pack of tissues and handing one to her without saying a word. 

“At the beginning of the year, the police finally got him on a harassment charge. In May he was sentenced to 2 years in jail and given a restraining order,” she explained. “But even after it was over, I knew I couldn’t stay in Sheffield any longer. I finished the year, but applied for the job down here and got it. Moved down in July to give us time to settle in.” 

When she’d finished she finally allowed herself to look up at Rae. She had listened the whole time, allowing Yaz the time she needed. “Yaz that’s awful, I’m sorry,” Rae told her. “You don’t deserve any of that.” 

“I’m starting to finally believe that,” Yaz replied. “I blamed myself for so long.” 

Rae shook her head, “it’s not your fault Yaz. I um, I did notice - you said us?” 

_ Shit  _

She could lie again, say she meant the cat, but the cat didn’t exist. Yaz briefly shut her eyes, praying this wouldn’t be a mistake. “That’s the other thing. Something I kinda did lie about,” she sighed and pulled her phone out, opening it up and showing Rae her home screen. “That’s my daughter, she’s four.” 

Understandably, Rae looked quite shocked. 

_ Please be okay with this.  _

“She’s so cute,” Rae studied the picture. “Looks like a little version of you! A mini Yaz!” she responded excitedly. “What’s her name?” 

“Ayla,” Yaz told her, “she’s the most important thing in my life. After everything that happened with her father, I promised her that I would always protect her. That started with the move down here, a fresh start for both of us, but especially for her. She has too many bad memories associated with Sheffield already, even in my parent’s flat. She’s still scared of most men, and doesn’t really trust anyone that isn’t myself, her grandparents or Ryan. Thankfully he won her over fairly quickly.” 

Rae looked at her sympathetically, “I can’t imagine how difficult that must be, but doing that for your daughter is incredible Yaz, you must be a great Mum.” 

She shrugged, “not sure about that. I let my daughter live with a controlling father for almost two years.” 

“And you were brave enough to get away and even press charges against him. Then you moved halfway across the country, away from your family, to give your daughter a better life. In my eyes, that makes you an incredible Mum,” Rae told her. 

Yaz smiled briefly, “thanks. I’m trying, just not always going the right way about it. Sorry I lied about her, I’m just so careful about who knows.” 

Rae shook her head, “you don’t have to apologise Yaz, I completely understand and so will everyone else when you feel comfortable enough to tell them. Ayla is your little girl, you need to do what you feel is right for her.” 

She wiped at her eyes again, but struggled to control the tears any longer and had to let it out. Rae immediately rushed round and offered a hug, which Yaz took. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey I know that can’t have been easy for you, must be quite a lot of emotions going through your mind right now,” she told her, letting her go but pulling her chair round the table so she stayed nearby for a minute. “I know it’s a bit early, but I’d hazard a good guess you’re not ready to go back just yet. They do awesome paninis here, why don’t I get us one each for lunch and we can hang around for a bit?” 

“That would be great, thank you,” she replied. Rae stood up, putting her chair back and going to the counter. Yaz sat back, calming her breathing. That had been really hard, but the sense of relief for having got it out was like moving a weight off her shoulder. Rae had taken the information so well, not forcing anything or asking too many questions. Yaz had left out a lot of details, things that she wasn’t ready to talk about yet. Even Ryan hadn’t been told a lot of it, and some things even her parents weren’t aware of. 

She felt a sense of trust with Rae that she hadn’t felt with anyone for a long time, but she was still hesitant to release too much to someone she’d known for a matter of weeks. Today had helped though, because Rae had shown that she really could be a good listener. It was nice to have that. In Sheffield she’d been surrounded by people who would ask for more details, or claimed she was lying. Here she could control who knew what, she just had to be careful.

* * *

_ Yaz awoke to a knock on the door. It was 3am, who was visiting at 3am? She climbed out of bed, grabbing her robe and putting it on. She crept out of the bedroom quietly, not wanting to wake Ayla, and went to the door. Given the time, she decided to look out of the peep hole to check who it was, fully expecting Ryan to have got locked out of his place.  _

_ It wasn’t Ryan. _

_ “No, no. Go away,” she stepped back, almost falling over the shoe rack and having to steady herself on the wall.  _

_ “Let me in Yasmin,” came the voice from outside.  _

_ “You can’t be here, you can’t! You’re in prison,” she shook her head.  _

_ “Well I am here, and I want to see my daughter,” he replied. _

_ Yaz looked around, almost trying to find an escape but knowing there wasn’t another way out. “You’re not allowed to see her, there’s a restraining order.”  _

_ “Oh come on sweetheart, it’s all a misunderstanding really, just let me in and we can talk about it,” the voice came from outside. _

_ “I’m not letting you in Jamie. Just go away,” she told him, her voice shaky.  _

_ He didn’t reply, in fact there were footsteps going away, maybe he’d given up. Except then the footsteps came back, quicker, and there was a bang on the door. He was kicking it down. Panicking, Yaz tried to look for something to stop him. She didn’t have anything. Then Ayla came out of her bedroom. “Mummy what’s banging?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.  _

_ “Sweetheart I need you to go back inside your room for me okay? Just stay in there whatever you hear,” she told her, but before Ayla turned back, the door broke down and Jamie ran inside.  _

_ Ayla screamed, trying to run back to her room, but Jamie ran towards her. Yaz ran at him, managing to grab his arm and pull him away, but he was stronger than her. He practically flung her aside, and she tripped on the rug. Yaz was stuck on the floor, she could only watch as Jamie picked up a thrashing Ayla. “If only you’d listen to me Yasmin, then we could look after her together,” he hissed to Yaz as she lay helplessly.  _

_ Yaz cried out her daughter’s name, screaming at Jamie to let her go and then screaming for help, but no help came. Jamie walked out, taking Ayla with him out into the night, leaving Yaz alone on the floor, crying.”NO-” _

She woke up with a start, sitting up suddenly and clutching at her chest. Before thinking about it, Yaz jumped out of bed and went to Ayla’s room, pushing the door open. She finally allowed herself to breathe when she could see her daughter curled up and sleeping peacefully in the bed, clutching at her favourite teddy and Giraffe. 

Yaz wiped at her eyes, the relief ridiculously overwhelming considering it was only a dream. She didn’t want to leave now, but she couldn’t disturb Ayla. Instead, she carefully stepped inside and sat herself down on the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on top to watch her daughter sleep. 

**She didn’t realise that she’d fallen asleep again until- “Mummy?” a little tap on her arm.**

“Hm?” she stirred, opening her eyes to see a confused looking Ayla standing beside her, teddy in one arm. 

“Mummy you okay? Why are you sleeping in my room?” she asked. 

It was Saturday morning, thankfully, because when Yaz noticed the clock said 7:24 she nearly panicked. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep in here,” she readjusted herself as she was rather uncomfortable at this point, and Ayla was giving her a look she knew meant she wanted to cuddle. “Mummy had a bad dream. You know when you have a bad dream and you don’t want to be alone? It was a bit like that. I came to make sure you were okay.” 

Ayla sat on her lap, leaning into her while Yaz wrapped her arms gently around her daughter. “It’s okay Mummy, it was just a dream,” she repeated like Yaz would say to her usually. 

They spent a few moments together on the floor, before Ayla started to get wriggly. “Right then baby, what shall we have for breakfast today?” She usually let her choose at the weekend, unless she’d been naughty.

“Can we have pancakes?” Ayla asked, her eyes lighting up. 

“Of course we can,” Yaz smiled. “Come on, you can help Mummy make them.” 

They put Ayla’s favourite disney playlist on and danced around the kitchen as they made breakfast. Yaz still felt a little shaken from the previous night’s dream, but she knew she had to keep going for Ayla’s sake. When the pancakes were made, they sat down at the table and ate together. Yaz listened while her daughter filled her in on the minute details of the game she played in the playground yesterday. “-then we ran to the other side and had to stand by the yellow line and Mummy your phone keeps buzzing.” 

It took a moment for Yaz to realise she had changed topic halfway through that sentence. She picked up her phone, realising the group chat had woken up.

**_Bill_ ** _ [08:46] Morning everyone! Just noticed there’s a pub quiz tonight at The Bear, anyone up for it? Could do with a laugh.  _

**_Clara_ ** _ [08:46] 100%. You know I’m up for company anytime at the moment.  _

**_Bill_ ** _ [08:47] Shit yeah, heard from Danny recently? _

Clara had told Yaz a bit about her boyfriend. They had very limited contact, and it seemed to be taking a bit more of a toll on her in the last week. She’d been doing much longer hours in the office.

**_Clara_ ** _ [08:48] Nah, but I wouldn’t expect it. It’s fine though, the flat’s just feeling a bit empty this week.  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [08:49] Well Rae and I are down. And you’re always welcome round here Clara x _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [08:49] Hey guys, sorry I’m busy tonight. Hope you’re doing alright Clara.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [08:50] Why are you all awake so early? It’s the weekend! Go back to sleep.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [08:50] Also Amy’s right, you can come round anytime Clara.  _

**_Bill_ ** _ [08:51] You’re awake n all mate. I’m meeting Heather for breakfast. _

**_Rae_ ** _ [08:51] Amy woke me up to ask about the quiz. Cheeky shit.  _

Yaz laughed, putting her phone down and silencing the chat for a while. “Who was it Mummy?” 

“Just my friends sweetheart,” Yaz smiled and stood up. “You all finished.” 

“You know I have, my plate is empty!” Ayla told her.

“Quite right to, silly Mummy,” she picked up the plate and kissed Ayla’s head. “Go to the bathroom sweetheart, get your toothpaste ready and I’ll be there in a minute.” 

Ayla nodded, jumping down from her chair and going to the bathroom. Yaz washed the plates up quickly, stacking them before going to join Ayla. “How are we doing sweetheart?” 

“I gots it!” she held up the toothbrush with a dollop of toothpaste on. Unfortunately, she flung it up a little fast and the toothpaste quickly flew off, hitting the mirror. “Oops.” 

Yaz laughed, “it’s fine baby. You did really well, let’s just get some more eh?” She grabbed some tissue to wipe the mirror off, but there was a knock at the door before she could. Yaz froze. 

“Mummy? Someone’s at the door Mummy,” Ayla tugged on her sleeve. “Why didn’t they use the buzzy button?” 

“I don’t know baby, someone probably let them in. You stay in here for me, I won’t be too long,” she went out, shutting the bathroom door behind her and going to the door. Who was here at 9am on a Sunday morning? Ryan would never be out of bed that early. She couldn’t help but think about her nightmare, what if it was him? 

_ No Yaz, he’s in jail now _ .

The door knocked again and she nearly fell over. “Yaz, you in there sweetheart?” That was her Mum. That was her mother’s voice. Yaz finally went over to the door and unlocked the latch and the door before opening it. “Surprise!” She was standing there with her Dad. Yaz practically leapt into her arms and hugged her tight. “Hey, what’s up? This was meant to be a nice surprise.” 

“It is, it is, I’m sorry,” Yaz told her, finally letting go and wiping at her eyes. “Just, because I wasn’t expecting you I didn’t know who it was. Had a dream last night that Jamie turned up here…” 

“Oh no Yasmin I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” Najia took her hand. “Are you alright?” 

Yaz nodded, “yeah, I’m fine honestly, just shook me up for a sec. Um, Ayla’s just waiting to do her teeth so I’ll go and see to her. Come on in,” she moved for them to step inside. 

Hakim gave her a quick hug on the way through. “I’ll go and stick the kettle on for us,” he told her and disappeared straight into the kitchen. 

Meanwhile, Yaz returned to the bathroom, where Ayla patiently stood waiting. “Aren’t you a good girl,” Yaz smiled. “Come on then, let’s get your teeth done and then I’ve got a little surprise for you.” 

“Ooo I like surprises,” Ayla grinned and immediately got to work on her teeth as requested. Yaz kept the bathroom door closed and helped her daughter out. 

Two minutes later, she finished up. Once her mouth was rinsed she jumped down. “Alrighty, you stay here for Mummy, I’m gonna go and get your clothes to change into.” 

“Why don’t I change in my room?” Ayla questioned.

“It’s part of your surprise,” Yaz smiled, kissing her head and disappearing outside. Najia looked up from the sofa, “I’m just going to get her dressed, she doesn’t know you’re here,” she explained. Yaz picked out Ayla’s favourite denim dress, a cream jumper and tights to go underneath. She returned to the bathroom, helping Ayla wash down quickly before she got dressed. “Right then baby girl, out you go,” she smiled. Ayla reached up and opened the door, going out into the lounge. 

She only had to take a few steps before she spotted Najia sitting on the sofa. “NANA!!” she ran at her, jumping onto her lap and hugging her tight. 

“Hello my little genius,” Najia hugged her back. 

Hakim came in with the teas, placing them down on the table and returning to stand beside Yaz. “She looks happy,” he said. “You’ve done a great job with her Yasmin, she’s really come out of her shell compared to a couple of years ago.” 

Yaz nodded, “she’s doing really well. Still doesn’t really trust many people, but we’re working on it. Absolutely loves school, just hard work to get her there sometimes.” 

Her father put an arm around Yaz, “it’s not your fault.” 

“I didn’t say it was,” Yaz replied.

“You were thinking it though,” he told her. “Look at what you’ve built here, this little place is gorgeous and feels really homely. Ayla is happy, you’ve made friends, it’s going well.” 

He was right, of course. “Yeah, I know,” she replied. “So how come you guys are here?” 

“We missed you. Haven’t seen you since you moved in, and your mother was insistent that you needed a visit,” he explained.

“You mean she did,” Yaz chuckled. “Not that I’m complaining. It’s good to see you Dad.” 

* * *

The arrival of her parents provided a completely different weekend than Yaz had prepared for, but she wasn’t complaining at all. They went to the park, she watched as Ayla swung between her grandparent’s arms while they walked through to the play area. She insisted that Granddad was to help her on the swings, so Yaz sat down with Najia on a bench at the edge, watching them. “How are you doing sweetheart?” Najia asked. It was their first moment alone for quite a while.

“I’m… I’m okay. I spoke to one of my friends on Tuesday, like you suggested. Told her about Ayla, and a bit about Jamie,” she said, almost wincing saying his name. “She’s been great to be honest.” 

Najia smiled, “that’s excellent Yaz. I’m glad you’ve got someone to talk to. Come on tell me more about your friends,” she nudged her daughter.

Yaz rolled her eyes, her mother was so nosey. “They’re all lecturers at the uni. Basically we’re all the young females,” she explained. “I share an office with Clara - she teaches psychology. Bill and Rae teach physics and Amy is history. Amy and Rae live together, they’ve been friends for years. We usually go for lunch on a Monday and Friday which is nice, it’s good to just chat with others,” she told her.

“How excellent,” Najia replied. “So who did you talk to?” 

“Rae, she had kind of already offered,” Yaz told her. “She was incredible, just listened to me say everything, didn’t dig any further or ask more questions. It was… refreshing, to be treated like that by a friend,” she smiled. “It’s just frustrating having to make excuses to get out of things still. I can’t always stay late, or go out when I want. I don’t mind, I’d sacrifice everything for Ayla, but I’m not ready to tell everyone yet.”

Najia put a hand on Yaz’s, squeezing it gently. “It’s alright love, they’ll understand.” 

“That’s what Rae said,” Yaz replied.

“Well I like her already then,” Najia told her. “Do they happen to have anything planned tonight?” 

“Uh- yeah, they’re going for a quiz night. I already told them I’m busy though, can’t keep asking Ryan,” she told her.

“Well what if we hung around?” Najia asked.

Yaz looked up at her Mum, “I couldn’t ask you to do that. You can’t drive back that late Mum.” 

“What if we hung around overnight?” she suggested. 

Raising an eyebrow, Yaz replied. “Did you plan this?” 

Najia shrugged, “maybe. We were gonna sort a hotel if you agreed.” 

“A hotel? No Mum don’t be daft. Short notice in London it’ll cost you an arm and a leg. If you’re doing this, you can stay in my bed, I’ll take the sofa,” she told her. Najia opened her mouth, but Yaz was ready. “No arguments Mum. The sofa is surprisingly comfortable.” 

Najia nodded, “alright then. Deal. Go with your friends, have a good evening.” 

“I need to run it by Ayla first, but if she agrees then okay,” Yaz smiled, “thanks Mum.” 

They were soon interrupted by Ayla running over, Hakim following behind. Yaz chuckled at how worn out her Dad looked already and stood up. “Here sit down Dad, I’ll take over for a bit,” she chuckled and picked Ayla up. “Are you wearing Grandad out?” Ayla just giggled. “Cheeky monkey.”

She started to walk back across the playground. “Grandad says that he’s gonna look after me tonight with Nana! Are you going out with your friends again?” 

Yaz glanced back to her parents, they really had planned this out. “If you don’t mind baby?” 

Ayla shook her head, “I like Nana and Grandad. They’re funny.” 

“That they are baby girl,” she put her down. “Go on then, where are we playing?” 

* * *

**_Yaz_ ** _ [14:20] Guess who is now free tonight? ;)  _

**_Bill_ ** _ [14:24] YES YAZ! Meet at 7 in the bar _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [14:24] See you there x _

**_Amy_ ** _ [14:27] Awesome! Can’t wait.  _

**_Clara_ ** _ [14:28] You little star. See you later!  _

**_Rae_** _[16:37]_ _Oh cool! Can’t wait to see you_

**_Amy_ ** _ [16:40] Really? Two hours later?  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [16:41] I was building a mansion in Sims _

**_Amy_ ** _ [16:41] How you ever get anything done I will never know. _

**_Bill_ ** _ [16:45] Bet mine was bigger _

**_Amy_ ** _ [16:45] Really?!  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [16:47] I’ve literally never played Sims _

**_Bill_ ** _ [16:48] You’re officially uninvited.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [16:48] I agree _

**_Clara_ ** _ [16:50] Piss off you two. Do you want a lift Yaz?  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [16:50] Yeah that’d be great actually, I’ll send you my address in a bit. Text me when you’re here I’ll come down.  _

Before she left, Yaz changed her bedding and then gave Ayla a bath. They played with the bubbles, making Ayla giggle wildly. She dried her off and got her into her PJs. “Right then baby girl, you have a good evening with Grandad and Nana.” 

“I’ll be ‘kay Mummy,” Ayla smiled. “Love you lots.” 

“Love you too my darling,” she kissed her forehead and stood up. “Goodnight sweetheart.” 

Yaz made her way to the front door of the flat where Najia was waiting. “You enjoy yourself, we’ll be just fine.” 

“I’ve got my phone though, if you need me just call we aren’t far away,” Yaz told her. 

Najia rolled her eyes, “have faith in your parents Yasmin, we managed to raise you alright.” 

She smiled sheepishly, “sorry Mum. Just, two weeks in a row, and after last night-” 

“Go and have a good time Yaz,” Najia opened the door. 

Clara had text to say she was outside a couple of minutes ago, so Yaz made her way down. She spotted her parked just down the road and went to the car to meet her. “Evening, what did you manage to get out of tonight then?” Clara asked when she got in the car.

Yaz did her belt up while Clara started driving, “ah nothing too exciting, just family stuff.” She was running out of good excuses. Thankfully, Clara didn’t ask for any more information. They chatted on the drive over about work, the weather, just general small talk. Yaz had her phone in her hands and kept tapping it. She was more reluctant about tonight after the nightmare, but she knew she couldn’t let it beat her. 

They arrived at the pub. Clara parked up and they jumped out, just as Bill, Amy and Rae arrived together. “Great timing,” Amy called over. They went to join them and made their way in. 

Rae walked back with Yaz, just far enough for them to be able to talk quietly. “You got someone to look after your little girl?” 

Yaz nodded, “my parents made a surprise trip from Sheffield to visit and offered to watch Ayla while I’m out.” 

“Didn’t you want to spend time with them?” Rae asked, surprised. 

“They practically forced me to come,” Yaz rolled her eyes, “cheeky buggers planned it all.” 

Rae smiled, “well I’m glad you’re here.” 

“Me too,” Yaz returned the smile, and then they caught up with the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped the beginning, the only details you need to be aware of are that Yaz told Rae about Ayla, and she lowkey already loves her :D


	8. One day at a time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi, welcome back! I still love every single comment you post, you're the loveliest people honestly. We're building up to what you all want...

The visit from her parents and the quiz night had been exactly the lift that Yaz and Ayla had needed. The next few weeks were a lot easier. Ayla wasn’t fighting going to the childminder’s too much, and they both slept much better than they had been. Ryan came round once or twice a week, and she made lunch with the girls twice a week. She hadn’t managed to see them outside of work since, but it wasn’t as difficult. As work built up with assignments to mark, they hadn’t made too many plans. Clara had been going round to Amy and Rae’s place occasionally in the evenings or at weekends, or sometimes Bill’s which seemed to be working for her. Yaz wished she could invite her over, but until they knew about Ayla that wasn’t possible.

She was busier too, and it was becoming a bit of a balancing act to get work and home life right. She worked hard at uni to get as much as possible done. Then Ryan would usually offer to distract Ayla for an evening or half a day at the weekend so she could tidy things up. He was a lifesaver, but Yaz could also tell he secretly loved spending time with his newly adopted niece. It was a good influence on Ayla too, so there wasn't really a downside.

Rae and Yaz had also kept up their coffee on a Tuesday morning. They would talk about various things. She always ask how Ayla was doing, and let Yaz talk as usual without asking any questions. Of course once Yaz had finished, her mood would be lightened by Rae giving her various stories from work about experiments going wrong. They would laugh, and Yaz would leave the café feeling lighter and happier.

It was October half term, and Yaz was grateful that it coincided with her course's reading week, meaning she didn't have to be on campus too much. On Monday and Tuesday she'd stayed home, multitasking with entertaining a 4 year old and trying to answer emails and mark assignments. Unfortunately, Wednesday she did have to go in. She'd decided to try and get as many of the meetings with students organised for the same day, but it did mean that Ayla would be with Hayley all day. 

After the last few weeks providing easier drop offs, Yaz had hoped that today wouldn't be too bad. Unfortunately, the prospect of being at the childminders for 6 hours rather than the usual 2 before school wasn't going down too well. "Ayla you know Mummy has to work. I've managed to work from home the rest of the week, but I have to go and help some of my students today, just like your teacher helps you." 

"I don't want to go," Ayla ran away from Yaz trying to brush her hair for the third time that morning. 

Yaz sighed, standing back up and going to find her. There weren't too many places to hide in their flat, so it wasn't difficult to spot her under the table. She crouched down to talk to her. "This isn't a choice Ayla. You're going to Hayley's today and I'm going to work. I'll pick you up at 4 and if you've been good then we can have pizza for tea." 

"I don't want pizza! I want you!" Ayla started sobbing. 

"Ayla Khan I'm not having this argument again. Come out from under the table so I can get your hair done," she said firmly, despite the sight of her daughter crying silently breaking her heart. 

"NO!" Ayla screamed back. 

Yaz stood up, depositing the hair brush on top of the table. "Then I guess you're going with messy hair. I don't have time for this, I'm going to get changed," she told her and went into her own room, shutting the door. 

The thing Yaz hated more than anything in the world, was getting cross with her daughter. It hurt her to the core everytime, and today was no exception. She changed into jeans and a smart blouse, trying to take deep breaths to keep calm. She sorted her own hair into quick space buns and sprayed it to keep it tidy. After sorting that, she went back out with her bags and loaded in the laptop and books that were currently on the table. Ayla was still sulking underneath. 

It was just before half 9, and they needed to leave if Yaz was going to have any hope of getting anything done before her first student meeting at 11. "Right, we're going now," Yaz announced, finding Ayla's shoes in the cupboard. 

"No!" Came the reply.

"Ayla Umbreen Khan, I don't want to hear anymore arguments. You know if Mummy gets really cross what will happen?" She asked.

There was a small pause before she answered. "Mummy will take Teddy away," she replied quietly.

"Exactly, and do you want me to take Teddy away?" Yaz asked.

"No," she whimpered. "I love Teddy." 

"Okay, so come out from under the table and put your shoes on." Thankfully this worked, and Ayla crawled out before standing up and going over to the door to put her shoes on. Yaz helped her, then stood up and quickly pulled her hair into a simple ponytail - it would have to do. "Come on, down we go." 

There were no arguments about getting Ayla in the car. Yaz strapped her in and gave her the little rucksack containing her things to hold. The drive was fairly quiet, but being 9.30 in half term it was a fairly traffic free journey. When she arrived outside Hayley's, the mood changed a little. She opened Ayla's door, and the young girl simply turned away from her mother and screwed herself up. 

"Ayla, come on now we've been through this. Let me get you out," Yaz told her. Ayla didn't move, so she crouched into the car and managed to undo her safety belt. Unfortunately, all this achieved was Ayla climbing out and across to the other side of the car. "Ayla! Get out of this car right now. You know exactly what will happen if you don't. No Teddy tonight, and if you're not careful it'll be early to bed too." 

Still nothing. She stood up, running a hand through her hair and taking a deep breath. Just as she did, Hayley appeared beside her. "Bad day?" She asked.

Yaz nodded, "I thought she would be okay, but I think knowing she's not got school today hasn't gone down well. I'm sorry, it's not personal on your part."

"I know, you've explained enough, don't worry. Want me to have a go?" Hayley asked.

"Be my guest," Yaz moved out of her way. 

She watched as Hayley leant inside the car. "Hiya mate, Mummy tells me you're having a bad day. Would it make you feel better if I said we were making cake today? Leah and Jimmy are super excited but they wanted to wait for you before we started" she told Ayla. 

Ayla looked up slowly, "cake?" 

Hayley nodded, "but if you don't come inside nicely then we won't be able to make it. You don't want to be in time out all day do you?" She spent a minute considering this, before slowly making her way out of the car. "That's it. Say goodbye to Mummy so she can go to work." 

"Bye Mummy," she grumbled. 

"Don't worry, she'll be fine in a bit," Hayley told Yaz. She took Ayla's hand and backpack and they went inside. Yaz shut the car door and went round, getting back inside. 

She drove to work in tears for the first time in weeks. When she parked up, she immediately grabbed her phone.

**_Yaz_ ** _ [10:05] Hey, are you on campus? And free? _

**_Rae_ ** _ [10:06] Yeah, is everything okay?  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [10:06] Just need to talk.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [10:07] I'm in my office, come on over. I'll make you a cuppa x  _

She practically ran there while trying not to look too desperate. When she got inside the science building, Yaz slowed down and made her way up to Rae’s office. She didn’t even have to know, Rae opened the door to her as soon as she arrived, tea in hand. “Come in, sit down. I’ve got tea, tissues, biscuits… oh- should I have got cake?” 

Yaz half laughed, “Rae I don’t need cake, thank you,” she went inside and sat down, dropping her bag and taking the tea. “I’m sorry, I’m sure you’re busy.” 

“Don’t be daft, tell me what’s happened. You look like you’ve been crying,” Rae sat down in her chair, but wheeled it closer to her. 

She gripped the mug, “I rearranged every meeting I had this week to put them all on one day. I’ve got 7 PT meetings, 2 meetings with colleagues and a bunch of people to catch up with before 5:30pm today. I was so determined to make sure this week could be as good as it could be, and it has been. The last two days I’ve somehow managed to balance work and spending time with Ayla really well, even if it’s meant a couple of late nights, but this morning…” she let go of the mug with one hand and rubbed her forehead. “It’s the worst she’s been for weeks. Wouldn’t let me do her hair, hid under the table, screamed and shouted at me most of the morning. Managed to get her down in the car and I thought we’d be alright then, but when we arrived at the childminders she wouldn’t get out. Tried to stop me undoing her belt, and when I did she went to the other side of the car. Hayley - her childminder - she got her out in the end. I couldn’t even do it myself. And then Ayla would barely look at me,” her words cracked at the end. 

Rae reached behind her and grabbed the tissue box, handing it to her. She tentatively placed a hand on her back. “Yaz she’s a four year old girl. I’m not an expert, but I’m pretty sure four year old girls are known to misbehave sometimes. It just so happens that this one’s misbehaviour is linked to some pretty shitty stuff. That’s hard, but you told me yourself you have to work through it so she doesn’t rely on you all the time growing up. None of this is your fault, not this morning or what happened in the past. I might not know everything, but I do know that.” 

“You’re good at this,” Yaz chuckled through the tears, wiping her eyes again and sitting up again, forcing Rae to remove her hand. She kind of missed the touch. “Thanks for listening to me. Again.” 

“Anytime Yaz, honestly. Anything I can do to help,” she told her. “Speaking of which, let me grab those biscuits.” Rae stood up and went to her drawer, getting the box out and bringing it over. “I keep the good selection in this box, only for important occasions,” she took the lid off. “Go on, help yourself.” 

Yaz grabbed a custard cream, “thanks.” 

“Excellent biscuit choice,” Rae grinned and grabbed one for herself. “Anything else I can do?” 

Yaz sipped her tea, taking a bite of the biscuit and looking back up. “What are you doing at the weekend?” 

“Uh- not a lot. Amy’s going away with Rory so I’m on my own,” she shrugged. “How come?” 

“Do you want to meet Ayla on Saturday?” Yaz asked.

“Yeah! I mean, I’d love to, but are you sure?” Rae replied. 

She nodded, “I can’t hide her away from the world forever, she needs to start meeting more people, hopefully it’ll help. Obviously I’ll ask Ayla too, maybe we can meet in the park? Less threatening than coming to our place.” 

Rae smiled, “I’d be honoured. Just let me know.”

“I will, thanks,” Yaz finished the rest of her tea. “I’d better actually go and do some work now. Thank you for this, really.” 

They stood up, saying their goodbyes and then Yaz made her way back to her own office.

* * *

After a long day of meetings, Yaz was shattered. It had been really productive, but she was more than ready to get home now. She made it to Hayley's just before 6pm, yawning a little as she got out of the car. She knocked on the door, taking a step back and waiting. After a few seconds, the door opened and Hayley was standing holding a very tired looking Ayla in her arms. “Is she okay?” Yaz immediately asked, concerned.

Hayley smiled, “yeah she’s good, just tired. After you left we had an up and down morning, a couple of tantrums, but this afternoon we’ve had a great time, haven’t we Ayla?” 

The young girl made a small smile, “made cake,” she mumbled. “Mummy you came back,” she added, reaching out to her. Yaz took her from Hayley, her daughter practically falling into her arms. 

“Always baby girl,” Yaz kissed her forehead. “Thank you for this morning,” she said to Hayley.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve looked after plenty of children in my time, Ayla’s a good kid.” 

Yaz nodded gratefully. “That means a lot, truly. Thank you.” 

Hayley grabbed Ayla’s bag. “I’ll help you to the car,” she told her.

Between them they got Ayla strapped in. Hayley disappeared back inside after saying goodbye and Yaz got back in the car, driving home. 

Somehow she managed to balance Ayla and her bags in one go to get back inside the flat. She dropped the bags on the floor and grabbed her phone that had gone off on the way up. 

**_Hayley (childminder)_ ** _ [18:14] Forgot to mention, she got hungry about 5 so I gave her a sandwich. So don't worry about dinner if she's too tired. See you next week.  _

Thank goodness, because Yaz had no idea how she was gonna get food down this child now. She took Ayla into her room, laying her on the bed while she found her PJs. While she continued dozing, Yaz changed her carefully, took her hair out of the ponytail and tucked her into bed. She barely stirred the whole time. Unable to resist, Yaz snapped a picture of her curled up, hugging her Teddy and Giraffe tight. She quickly sent it to her family group chat, and to Ryan. 

**_Yaz_ ** _ [18:38] *image attached* Sleeping beauty after a busy day at the childminders :) xx  _

She tucked her phone away and crouched down, kissing her forehead. "Night baby girl." 

As she stood up, a small hand reached out for her. "Don't go Mummy," she mumbled. "Cuddles." 

Yaz considered this for a moment. She was tired, and really quite hungry, having not had much for lunch, but her daughter wanted her to stay and she really did enjoy little moments like this. Admitting she was never going to be able to refuse, Yaz carefully shifted Ayla so she could sit beside her. Once she was in, and the covers back over, Ayla turned over and put her head on Yaz's lap. Yaz put her right arm gently around her while her left played with her hair just the way Ayla liked it. It was surprisingly soothing, and Yaz didn't even realise she was drifting off herself until it was too late.

When she woke up, the clock said 20:03. 

_ Oops _

Her stomach grumbled, she definitely needed to move. Carefully, she moved Ayla off her lap so she was able to escape the bed and made her way out of the room, leaving the door open a touch just the way her daughter liked it. She went into the kitchen, settling on sticking a leftover meal in the microwave, and checked her phone while she waited. 

**_Najia_ ** _ [18:45] She looked so peaceful. Hope you had a good day x _

**_Sonya_ ** _ [18:47] she's definitely got my good looks  _

**_Hakim_ ** _ [18:48] My little princess 👸 _

**_Sonya_ ** _ [18:48] Thanks Dad, but we are talking about Ayla.  _

**_Hakim_ ** _ [18:50] Have you tidied your room yet? _

That was the last message. Yaz chuckled, her family were chaotic but she loved them. There was a message from Ryan too. 

**_Ryan_ ** _ [19:30] Just saw this - finished late. She looks beautiful. Did it go alright today? Can't wait to see my favourite girl tomorrow. (You're alright too Yaz) _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [20:10] Don't worry, I fell asleep on the bed with her! Starving now, just doing dinner. We had quite a morning, lots of arguments again, but Hayley was helpful when we arrived.  _

**_*PHONE CALL: RYAN SINCLAIR*_ **

Yaz answered. "Hey, you didn't have to call."

"I'm too lazy to text mate. What happened? Are you alright?" Ryan asked. 

"I'm alright, just tired. This morning was tough, but I had a chat with Rae before I started work and that helped," she explained. "I know it's gonna be tough, but we'll get there." 

"You're so ridiculously awesome Yaz. Not everyone could bounce back from such a situation in the way you have. You're raising the best little girl, she adores you and you'll get through it together."

Yaz smiled, she was so grateful for her friend. "I uh- I asked Rae to come and meet Ayla on Saturday," she told him.

"Shit Yaz that's huge!” Ryan replied. 

“Well yeah, I need to talk to Ayla about it first, but the plan is to meet in the park so it’s fairly unthreatening. Hopefully she’ll go for it, she needs to start being exposed to more people." 

"Yes, but that's not exactly what I meant. It's a big thing for you Yaz. I know how hard you find it to talk about Ayla to new people, let alone introducing her to them. Rae must have had quite an impact on you,” he explained. 

Yaz realised he had a point - since they’ve moved from Sheffield, she hadn’t allowed anyone to meet Ayla except for Ryan. She had sheltered her, maybe too much. Sure she saw Hayley - who Yaz had vetted closely before allowing Ayla to see her, and she went to school - which Yaz had visited alone first - but otherwise, Ayla really didn’t see anyone. “Ryan, do you think I’m hiding her away too much? Is that part of the problem?” 

“That’s not what I meant Yaz,” Ryan replied. “I completely understand why you’re being so cautious with her, but now she’s settled in school - and normally okay with Hayley, it probably is the right time.” 

Maybe she subconsciously knew that, and that’s why she’d suddenly decided to make the offer to Rae, but the thought still made her nervous. “I was thinking of finding a dance class for her.” 

“Aww mate she’d love that. Plus - super cute outfits,” he chuckled. “I’ll ask at work and see if anyone knows any good ones.” 

“Thanks Ry, you’re a star,” as she finished talking, the microwave beeped. “That’s my dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“I’ll be there about half 1, can’t wait,” he replied. “Have a good night.” 

* * *

As promised, Ryan arrived just about half 1. Ayla, who had just finished lunch and was currently running around the room pretending to be an aeroplane, stopped at the sound of the buzzer. “UNCLE RYAN’S HERE!!” she shouted. Yaz almost jumped out of her skin at the volume. 

“Alright sweetheart, calm down yeah?” she ruffled her hair a little and buzzed Ryan in. He shortly arrived at the door which Yaz allowed Ayla to open.

“Uncle Ryan!!” she jumped at him. 

Ryan chuckled, picking her up, “hello there cheeky, how are we today?” 

“Mummy says I’m eye-per,” she giggled. 

“Hyper baby,” Yaz corrected her, “and you definitely are,” she gestured to the current state of her flat.

Ryan poked Ayla in the tummy, “well little miss, I think we need to go and run some energy off. How about a trip to the park? I’ve got some toys in my car you might like.” Yaz raised an eyebrow. “My housemate’s nephew comes to visit sometimes so we have some bits in the house.” 

“Fair enough, how does that sound Ayla?” Yaz asked.

“Yes please!” she smiled widely. 

Yaz returned her smile, “awesome. Well why don’t you go and get your jumper from the bedroom quickly for me?” 

She agreed, and Ryan let her down before coming inside the flat properly. “Have you spoken to her yet?” 

“Not yet, I need her to actually sit down for 5 minutes first. Maybe later when you’ve tired her out,” Yaz chuckled. “Thanks for this.” 

Ryan shook his head, “you don’t have to thank me love, I love spending time with her. Never gonna have a biological niece am I?” he smiled. “Guess you haven’t got much done this morning?” 

“Literally nothing,” she sighed, “but I’ll get my head down working while you’re out. The mess can wait until tonight.” 

Ayla ran back with her jumper on inside out and back to front. “Ready!!” 

Both Ryan and Yaz found themselves laughing a little. “Not quite, let’s try this jumper again,” Ryan knelt down and helped her get it off, reorganising the clothing and putting it back on. “That looks better.” 

Ayla looked down at the mickey mouse on her chest, “oh yeah!” Then she turned to Yaz, “bye Mummy!” 

Yaz resisted rolling her eyes. It was so easy to get her to go out with Ryan, she barely minded leaving Yaz behind. “Don’t you need something else baby?” 

The girl looked at her, then down confused, then to Ryan and back down. Both Ryan and Yaz waited for it to click. “Oh! I need shoes!” 

“Yeah baby you need shoes,” Yaz chuckled. Ayla ran and grabbed her favourite trainers. “Other way around,” Yaz told her when she tried to put them on. Ryan chuckled and crouched down to help her. 

“Now I’m ready!” Ayla announced. “Let’s go Uncle Ryan!” She grabbed his hands. 

“I think I’m going,” Ryan chuckled. “I’ll keep in contact. See you later.” 

Yaz smiled, watching them leave.  _ “Bye Mummy, I’ll miss you Mummy,”  _ she muttered, but secretly she didn’t mind at all. Ayla was happy. 

In the silence, she managed to get loads of work done. It was a very productive afternoon, and Yaz didn’t even realise the time passing until her phone rang. “Hey! How you getting on?” 

“Great, think I’m nearly there actually,” she glanced at the time. “Oh blimey I didn’t realise how late it was, you two have been out a while.” 

Ryan chuckled, “I figured as much, given the lack of messages checking on us. We’ve had a fab time, Ayla is currently going on the slide repeatedly. I was wondering if you wanted me to grab pizza on the way home?” 

“You know I’ll never turn down pizza,” Yaz replied. “That’d be great, thank you.” 

“Alright, be back in about 40 minutes then,” Ryan told her and hung up.

Yaz finished up what she was doing, getting to the point she wanted to be at before packing up, and doing a quick sweep of the flat to tidy it a bit. Soon after, the buzzer went and she let Ryan up with Ayla. The front door was soon being banged on and she opened it to Ayla shooting at her, almost knocking Yaz over. “Still hyper then kiddo? How on earth do you have so much energy today?” 

“We had ICE CREAM!” she announced loudly. “Now we have pizza too!” 

When Yaz looked up at Ryan she noted him looking sheepish. “She’s  _ really  _ hard to say no to,” he shrugged. 

“At least we’ve clarified you’re  _ that  _ uncle,” Yaz chuckled. “Come on, let’s get this pizza out, I'm starving.” 

They sat and ate together, chatting and laughing. Yaz felt so comfortable tonight, after a difficult day yesterday, it was nice to have a laugh and a joke with her best friend and little girl. 

Ayla started to calm down a little after dinner, so the adults left her in front of a film while they took the plates out. "I'm gonna ask her about Saturday in a minute. Could you… would you mind staying while I do?" 

"Of course I will. Why don't you go talk to her while I sort everything out in here?" 

"You don't have to do that Ry," Yaz told him.

"But I'm going to. Stop delaying, go and ask her," he spun Yaz around and pushed her out of the kitchen. 

Yaz looked over her shoulder and glared at him jokingly before returning to the sofa. "Hey baby girl, can I ask you something?" Ayla turned away from the TV and looked up at her Mum, nodding. Yaz paused the film and Ayla moved to sit on her lap. "So one of Mummy's friends would really like to meet you. She's very nice, she teaches like Mummy. What about if we went to the park on Saturday and met her there?" 

Ayla didn't reply straight away, seemingly thinking about this. "What's her name?" 

"Her name is Rae. Do you want to see a picture?" Yaz asked. Ayla nodded, so Yaz grabbed her phone and opened up Rae's profile picture. It always made Yaz smile - it was a photo of Rae that apparently Amy had taken last year. She was dressed in her usual rainbow outfit, hanging upside on the sofa reading a book. 

"She's funny," Ayla giggled. "I'll draw her a picture tomorrow." 

Yaz couldn't help but smile, her daughter was so kind. "Is that a yes?" 

"Yeah! Will she play with me?" 

"I'm pretty sure she will," Yaz kissed her head. She looked over at the kitchen door where Ryan was standing looking at them, giving her his 'I told you so' look. But he had, so it was fair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HAPPENING!!! THEY'RE GONNA MEET!!! AHHH!!!


	9. Stay Safe, Up High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Tuesday, another chapter... the one you've all been waiting for: RAE AND AYLA!!!!
> 
> As always I'm so incredibly grateful for each and every comment and kudos, you're all so lovely.

Yaz didn't sleep much Friday night, and when she did it was plagued by nightmares. She gave up about 5am and got up, quietly going to the kitchen and putting the kettle on. After making a cup of tea she sat down on the sofa and got her laptop out, opening up some assignments she needed to mark. 

It passed the couple of hours before Ayla woke up and there was a pattering of small feet heading in Yaz's direction. "Good morning beautiful," she shut her laptop up. Ayla rubbed her eyes, still in the process of waking up. 

"Hi Mummy," she climbed up on the sofa, her Teddy in one hand. "Why aren't you in bed?" 

"I woke up early baby," Yaz told her. "Did you sleep well?"

Ayla nodded. "Can we have waffles for breakfast?" 

"Always thinking about food aren't you kiddo," she chuckled. "Of course we can. You want to watch some TV while I make them?" 

"Yes please Mummy," she replied. Yaz stood up, putting the TV on and loading the kids TV section before handing the remote to Ayla. She went into the kitchen and made the waffle batter, getting the maker out of the cupboard and turning it on. She yawned a little, looking out at the bright sunshine.

She was nervous about today. What if Ayla didn't take to Rae? What if Rae didn't take to Ayla? What if this was the end of their friendship? Had she screwed up? Yaz sighed, it was too late to back out now. She knew her nightmares last night had been fueled by the thoughts about today, but she couldn’t let them win. 

The waffle maker finished and she took them out, organising them on the plates and adding syrup and fruit. “Ayla, table!” she called out to her and poured her a juice before taking everything out to the table where Ayla had climbed up onto the chair, kneeling down on it and waiting patiently. She put her plate down in front of her, joining her sitting down. 

“What time are we going to the park Mummy?” Ayla asked as she ate up. 

“We’re meeting Rae at 11,” Yaz told her, “so we’ve got some time before we leave if you want to do anything.” 

Ayla considered this, “can we cuddle on the sofa?” 

Yaz smiled, “course we can baby girl. Tell you what, finish your waffles and we’ll watch some TV before we get ready to go out.” 

That’s exactly what they did. Once they’d both eaten, they cuddled up on the sofa under a blanket and watched a variety of kids TV for a couple of hours. When it got to half 9 and a show had just finished, she turned it off and got Ayla dressed and ready to go. This took some time, as it often did, but eventually they were ready to leave the house. She loaded Ayla into the car as they were meeting at a park a bit further away than their local. They drove over, Ayla singing away to the Frozen soundtrack as they drove. When they arrived, Yaz spotted Rae leaning against her car looking at her phone. “Mummy is that your friend?” Ayla asked.

Yaz turned the engine off having parked nearby. “Yes it is,” she replied.

“I like her clothes,” Ayla stated plainly.

Once again Rae had a tee on with a rainbow across it. Today it was white, with red culottes and yellow braces. Over that she wore a long coat with a rainbow lining. Yaz didn’t understand why, but she liked her clothes too. They just matched Rae’s personality - warm, open and completely crazy. “You should tell her that,” Yaz smiled and stepped out. By now Rae had spotted their arrival, but Yaz noted she was staying away for the moment and respecting their space. 

_ What a woman _

She got Ayla unbuckled and helped her out of the car, straightening her coat out. “How are you feeling baby? Still okay?” 

Ayla nodded, “let’s go Mummy we’re wasting time.” 

Yaz resisted the urge to laugh, that was a phrase she’d definitely picked up from Yaz herself. Ayla grabbed her hand and Yaz only just had enough time to lock the car before she was dragged too far away. As they got closer, Ayla slowed down a little and Yaz looked down, she could see the nerves kicking in a little. She squeezed her daughter’s hand reassuringly and approached Rae. “Morning,” Yaz smiled as they met her.

“Hey Yaz,” she returned the smile, before looking down to Ayla. “You must be Ayla, it’s very nice to meet you.” 

There wasn’t an immediate reply. Yaz let go of Ayla’s hand and instead pulled her close to her side. Once she was there, Ayla spoke. “I like your clothes.” 

Rae grinned wildly, “aww thanks! Some people say I look silly, but I like wearing them.” 

“I like the rainbows,” she replied, a slight ‘w’ sound on the ‘r’. 

“Me too, they’re very bright and shiny, and they represent me, how cool is that?” Rae asked. 

Ayla nodded, “very cool.” 

Yaz smiled at their interactions, even if Ayla was sort of clinging onto her leg. “Why don’t we head to the play park eh? You can show Rae how you go down the slide,” she gently played with Ayla’s hair. Her daughter nodded and let go of her Mum, returning to take her hand instead. Yaz looked back to Rae, “ready to go?” 

“Absolutely, the park is my favourite place,” Rae said 

“Why am I not surprised?” Yaz chuckled. “How was the rest of your week?” 

Rae nodded, “good actually. Got loads done, quite a few meetings, and built a new house on Sims so all in all not a bad week. Did things get better for you?” 

“Much, thank you. Someone was asleep when I got to the childminders,” she swung Ayla’s arm. 

“We made cake, it was yummy,” Ayla told Rae. 

“Oooo I love cake!” Rae replied excitedly. 

Ayla looked up at Rae properly for the first time since they’d walked over to her. “Me too! Cake is my favourite.” 

“Well I think you and I are going to be best friends,” she winked at the young girl. “Hey there’s a great café here and they do the  _ best  _ chocolate fudge cake. We should go for lunch later.” 

Immediately Ayla’s head shot up to her mother, “can we Mummy?! Rae likes cake too!” 

“Yeah I heard baby,” Yaz chuckled. “I don’t think I’ll have much of a choice will I?” Ayla and Rae both shook their heads. “Oh alright then I give in, we’ll get lunch at the café later.” 

Ayla jumped beside her, “yay!!” Rae put her hand up, not expecting the response, but the 4 year old did indeed high 5 her. 

“Good work mate,” Rae grinned. “Now what are we going to play on first?” 

“Swings!!” Ayla jumped into action as soon as they were through the gate and ran over to the swings. Rae followed, and Yaz walked on behind. When she caught up, she lifted Ayla onto the swing and made sure she was holding on properly before she started to push. Rae sat on the adjacent swing and started pushing herself, which made Ayla giggle. Yaz rolled her eyes behind them, but couldn’t stop herself from smiling at what was occurring in front of her. 

When she’d had enough on the swings, Ayla ran over to the slide to show Rae how she could go down on her front. It always made Yaz’s heart jump into her mouth, but Ayla loved it and Rae was merrily cheering her on. Before Yaz knew it, she was practically being left out of their play time. They jumped on the trampolines, climbed on the pirate ship and Ayla even let Rae help her on the monkey bars. When Ayla was completely distracted, Yaz moved away from the pair and sat down on a bench where she could watch them carefully. She took a couple of pictures, and a video of Ayla trying to push Rae on the roundabout. 

In fact by the time it got towards 1pm they’d been on every piece of play equipment in the park. Thankfully, there weren’t many other people about, meaning Rae could go on without any issues. Yaz was so glad they were getting on so well, not least because it meant Ayla had someone who was more than happy to be dragged around the park. 

Ayla skipped back over to Yaz once they’d finished, jumping up onto her lap. Yaz had her water bottle prepped and handed it to her. “Ready for some lunch kids?” 

“Hey! I’m not a kid,” Rae complained, sitting down on the bench beside Yaz. 

Yaz looked over to her, raising an eyebrow, “I beg to differ.” 

“You’re as bad as Amy.” 

“I like Amy.” 

Rae huffed, “Ayla you don’t think I’m a kid do you?” 

Ayla finished drinking from her bottle. “You play like me.” 

“Ha,” Yaz smirked. 

“I like it. Mummy doesn’t like going on the climbing frame,” Ayla added. 

“Ha,” Rae replied to Yaz. 

Rolling her eyes, Yaz set Ayla down on the ground and stood up. “Come on, let’s go, I need a hot drink.” 

They went into the café and ordered together. 3 toasties, 3 hot chocolates and 2 slices of chocolate fudge cake (Yaz and Ayla would share). While they waited for the food to come over, they sat huddled over their hot chocolates. Ayla had a child sized one, but she was doing a great job of giving herself a chocolate moustache. “Sorry we haven’t really had much time to talk yet,” Rae said. “Hope you didn’t mind…” 

“Honestly it was lovely to see her enjoying herself,” Yaz smiled. 

“Ah she’s ace Yaz, you’ve raised an awesome kid,” Rae told her. 

There was a warmth in her chest as Rae said that. Ayla was oblivious, enjoying her hot chocolate next to Yaz. “That means a lot,” she smiled. 

Thankfully, the toasties arrived soon after that so Yaz could recover from the moment while they ate. They ate them, and started on the cake. Rae was right - this was a really good cake. Yaz could see Ayla fighting tiredness as they were eating the dessert and she’d pretty much stopped interacting with either of them. She pulled the young girl onto her lap and she curled up, leaning against her Mum as Yaz supported her. Rae had been telling her about a class she’d taken early on that had turned into disaster with a failed experiment. Yaz enjoyed listening to her talk, something about the way she told a story so dramatically was quite something. “She okay?” Rae asked, noticing Ayla had moved.

Yaz smiled, “yeah just worn her out. She’ll nap for a bit when we get home, I’ll have to take her soon.” 

“Makes sense,” Rae nodded. “Well thanks, I’ve really enjoyed this. Been ages since I had a good excuse to run about.” 

“Thanks for wearing this one out, give me some peace for a bit,” Yaz chuckled. “This has been really great, you’ve been so supportive recently. I’m really grateful, thank you.” 

Rae shook her head, “you don’t have to thank me Yaz, it’s what friends are for.” 

“I appreciate it,” she adjusted Ayla on her lap. “Right then kiddo, home time.” There was a small squeak from her daughter, but not much else. Rae helped her to get up from the table and grabbed her bag as they went to the car. Yaz strapped Ayla into her car seat and shut the door. “Thanks again. See you at the pub Monday?” 

“Absolutely, see you there. Still up for coffee Tuesday too?” Rae asked, almost tentatively. 

Yaz nodded, “definitely. I love our chats, and it is easier to talk without a 4 year old,” she chuckled. 

“Good point, well made. See you Monday,” she smiled and then disappeared off to her car. Yaz found herself watching until she’d got inside and was out of sight before she returned to her own car and started driving home.

* * *

That Tuesday they met up as usual, ordering their drinks and sitting at what had become their table. “Ayla won’t stop talking about Saturday, she loved it,” Yaz told her. “She asked me to give you this. She made it before, but we forgot it on the day.” Reaching into her bag, she pulled out the drawing Ayla had done for Rae and handed it over. 

“Aww Yaz!! I love it,” she took it from her. “Tell Ayla I’m gonna put it up in my room.” 

Yaz smiled, “I certainly will. You’ve made quite an impression on her, and that’s difficult to do.” 

“I won’t lie, I was kinda nervous,” Rae told her. 

“Don’t worry, so was I. You’re the first person she’s really met outside of school and childminding since we moved down here. She doesn’t even like going into the supermarket with me much, so I had no idea how it was going to go, but honestly she adored you.” Yaz explained before drinking her tea. 

Rae smiled softly, “I’m really glad. What do you think it was that clicked? If you don’t mind me asking?” 

“Honestly? I think part of it is just knowing that you and I are good friends. She’s highly receptive of how I’m feeling, worried I’m going to get hurt. You also worked magic with her, she clicked onto your personality and playful nature straight away,” Yaz told her. 

"That's cool. She's a great kid," Rae sipped at her tea. "And how are you doing?" 

Yaz looked at her, confused. "Me? I'm alright." 

"I didn't want to say anything in front of Ayla, but you looked proper shattered on Saturday, I was kinda worried. Then today… well you still kind of look a little tired." Rae spoke, almost muttering with nerves. 

"I-" Yaz opened her mouth ready to reel off the whole spiel about being fine, but she'd vowed not to lie to Rae, not when she'd been so good to her. "I slept really badly Friday night - nightmares. Things were better Saturday, but then Sunday and last night things were kinda bad again." Rae gave her a sympathetic look. "Sorry can you not do the head tilt thing, it just reminds me of when it all came out at home."

Rae sat up and smiled softly, "sorry, won't do it again." Yaz smiled gratefully. "Can I ask what the nightmares are about?"

"My ex, mostly. Ayla being taken away or hating me for staying with him for so long. Various things on that theme. They used to be really bad, not so much these days, but I think it was the nerves of Saturday and then going back to the childminders yesterday," she shrugged.

"Oh Yaz mate… that's awful. Did he ever hurt you?" Rae asked cautiously. 

Yaz shook her head, "he never touched me. It was all emotional control. Not that it's better, but you know. It was always manipulation, he was clever."

Rae nodded, "I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm sorry you still do. Can I help at all?"

"This helps," Yaz gestured between them. "So do the pub lunches and everything else. Building my life here is my way of moving on, and being able to talk about it is such a relief," she told her. 

"Well I'm glad it's helping," Rae told her. 

Before Yaz could make any response to this, there was a call from behind Yaz. "Ha! I knew you guys were meeting up," Bill walked in. 

"No you didn't," Rae replied casually. 

"Alright no I didn't but I knew you were going somewhere on a Tuesday morning," Bill grabbed a chair and joined them. 

"My bad," Yaz smiled. "Rae just offered to let me get some stuff off my chest, she's been really helpful." 

Bill suddenly went to get up, "ah sorry are you in the middle of something?"

Yaz reached out, pulling her back in the chair. "You're good, honestly," she smiled. "I'm gonna grab another tea, anyone else for anything?" 

Rae wanted another tea, while Bill asked for a latte, and then offered to pay - for which Yaz told her to shut up and walked off to the counter. If she was honest, she was a little disappointed they'd been interrupted. Not because she had anything against Bill, she just enjoyed the one on one time with Rae. Maybe… maybe too much.

She shook the thought away as she reached the front of the queue and placed the order. When she glanced over at the table, Rae shot her a smile. Yaz felt herself blush a little and looked back away.

_ Get yourself under control Khan _

After that mini self lecture, the drinks arrived and she grabbed them, going back to join her friends. "How come you're here anyway?"

"Meeting Heather here for lunch, but marking was doing my head in so I thought I'd grab a coffee first," Bill explained. "Lucky coincidence really. Don't worry, I won't turn up every week." 

Yaz smiled sheepishly, "sorry, it's not like I'm trying to leave anyone out it's just-"

"Yaz, mate, don't worry about it. We all meet up separately sometimes, and it's not always easy to chat in a group. No judgement, honestly," Bill smiled reassuringly. "If you ever feel ready to chat about anything we will always listen, but there's no pressure." 

Before Yaz could reply, her phone started vibrating on the table and the school name flashed up.

_ Shit _ .

She quickly picked it up. "Hello?"

_ "Hi, is this Ayla Khan's mother?"  _ The voice on the other end asked. 

"Yes it is, is everything okay?" Yaz asked, already shaking a little. 

_ "I'm the teaching assistant in Ayla's class. She's had a bit of a tumble in the playground and hit her head, she's a little drowsy so we've had to call the ambulance. They arrived before I could call you, but she won't let them near her. Any chance you can get down here?"  _

"Yes, definitely. I'll be there as soon as I can," Yaz told her and hung up. "Shit, I need to go." 

"Yaz what's wrong? You're shaking." Rae asked, looking concerned. 

Yaz looked to Bill, then back to Rae, before deciding on her priority. "Ayla's bumped her head at school, she's drowsy but won't let the paramedics near her," she stood up and threw her coat on. "I need to get down there." 

"You can't drive like that," Rae stood up, grabbing her coat too. "I'll take you down. I'm not having you in an accident as well that won't help anything," Rae told her. 

Deciding that her friend was probably right, Yaz nodded. Bill was looking at them both, completely confused and quite concerned. "I'll explain, I promise, just… don't say anything to the others yet," Yaz told her. 

Bill nodded, "I won't. Stay safe yeah?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look... I'm sorry... I'm just gonna go hide somewhere now.


	10. Pain Is Only Temporary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright I GET IT you're mad at me for that cliffhanger. Points have been made. I hope this can make up for it in some way...   
> Also the number of comments and the kudos on this... I'm emotional guys, you're amazing.
> 
> TW// minor blood mention.

They rushed back to Amy's car, for which Rae had keys and could drive. She'd told Yaz that she did mean to get her own, but hadn't got round to it. Yaz climbed in the passenger seat, doing her belt up and holding her phone, playing nervously with it while Rae started the car. Yaz had told her where she was going, so she put the sat nav on to direct her so Yaz didn’t have to worry about that. “Do you want me to stay while you go in? I’ll stay in the car. Just… in case you need anyone,” Rae asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

“You don’t have to, you must have work to do,” Yaz replied. 

“Some stuff is more important than work Yaz,” Rae told her. “I’ll stay, then if you need any support I’m here.” 

Yaz was grateful, she really was, but her mind could only really focus on one thing. As soon as they pulled up to the school she jumped out, leaving Rae to park in the visitor’s car park as she ran in. She was met by one of the admin staff who took her through to the first aid room. There were 2 paramedics standing outside. “Are you Mum?” one of them asked.

“Yes. Sorry, I got here as soon as I could,” she told them. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m Jack, this is Joe. Her teacher said something about her not being great with men? She got quite distressed so we came out of the room for now,” he explained. 

Yaz nodded, “it’s a long story, she struggles with new people in general, but men are worse - sorry. I’ll see what I can do,” she told them.

“We have called for a female crew member to come down in an RRV, she’s on her way but it’s a bit of a distance,” Joe explained.

“Thank you,” Yaz said, before going into the room. 

Ayla immediately started calling for her. “Mummy,” she cried. Yaz went straight over to the bed she was lying on, scooping her up protectivally and holding her tight. There was a bandage on her head where the first aider had managed a makeshift dressing. She could see her eyes were a bit droopy, she definitely didn’t seem right. “Don’t make me see the mans Mummy.” 

It was hard to fight her own tears, but Yaz promised herself to stay strong for her daughter. “Baby they’re good men, they want to help. Remember like the people that came to help Grandma when she fell over? And Mummy when she was really upset?” 

There was a short pause, and Yaz thought she might have got through to her, but it wasn’t to be. “No, no mans. No mans,” Ayla repeated. Yaz kissed her head softly, not wanting to argue too hard with her.

“How does she seem to you?” Ayla’s teacher asked. She’d stepped out of the way when Yaz arrived, but was still in the room.

“Definitely not right,” Yaz replied quietly. “I could take her down to the hospital myself, that might be quicker.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay to do that?” the teacher asked, clearly concerned.

Yaz nodded, “my friend drove me down. I’ll need to check with her,” she suddenly realised she’d offered this without asking Rae at all. 

Miss French nodded, “I’ll go and speak to the paramedics,” she said and went outside, leaving Yaz with Ayla.

“Hey baby, Rae is waiting in the car outside, why don’t I get her to drive us to hospital instead? Mummy will stay with you the whole time I promise, we just need them to make sure your head is okay,” she told her, running fingers through her matted hair. 

“Mmkay,” Ayla agreed. She'd turned her face to hide in Yaz's body. She could feel her top wet from tears. She kissed her head again softly and quickly phoned Rae, who agreed to take her in. 

It was quickly agreed with the paramedics so she went out to the car. She got Ayla strapped in carefully and sat in the middle back seat beside her, letting Ayla rest against her. "Thank you so much for this," she said to Rae as she drove.

"Yaz honestly, it's fine. How's she doing back there?” Rae asked.

Yaz hadn’t taken her eyes off Ayla. The paramedics had advised her to try and keep Ayla awake, so she’d put one of her favourite shows on her phone. She was scarily quiet, but Yaz was trying not to panic just now. “I don’t really know,” Yaz answered honestly and quietly. 

“Not long now,” Rae reassured her.

Thankfully, she was correct and they arrived at the hospital about 3 minutes later. "Can you sort out my classes? I'm really sorry to ask, my schedule is on my desk-"

"Yaz it's fine, I'll sort it, you focus on Ayla," Rae told her. Yaz climbed out of the car with her, thanking Rae again before the other woman drove off. 

Yaz walked in with Ayla in her arms, giving her name at the desk. It turned out the ambulance crew had called ahead to explain the situation, and within seconds they were taken straight through. "How's she doing? The paramedics said she appeared drowsy?" the nurse asked as she took them to a room. 

"She's very quiet," Yaz sat Ayla down on the bed, but she wouldn't let go of her so Yaz ended up on the bed with Ayla curled up on her. "How are you feeling baby?" 

"Hurts," came the small whimper from her daughter. 

The nurse got down to Ayla's level. "My name is Lisa, I'm a nurse. Can you tell me where it hurts so we can make it better?" 

Ayla squeaked a disapproval and turned her face into Yaz's stomach. "Ayla baby you need to tell the nurse where it hurts. I'm not going anywhere, you're safe I promise," she told her.

"I want to go home," she started to cry. Yaz bent down and kissed her head softly. 

"I know baby girl, but we need to make sure you're okay first. Where does it hurt?" Yaz asked again. 

Ayla finally turned to look at the nurse. "My head hurts here," she put her right hand on the side of her head. "And this hurts." she held out her left arm. 

The nurse carefully took hold of her left arm, "does it hurt here?" she asked, pointing at her wrist. Ayla nodded. "Well done for telling me. I'm going to go and get the doctor and see what we need to do."

"Will the doctor be female?" Yaz asked. 

Lisa nodded, "yes, I made sure of it." 

"Thank you," Yaz smiled gratefully as she left the room to go and find the doctor. "You're being really brave you know, I'm really proud of you." 

Ayla sniffled a little, "will I be better soon Mummy?" 

"Hopefully very soon, but we need to let the doctors and nurses help you, is that okay?" Yaz stroked her hair back. Ayla nodded gently. "Good girl." 

A couple of minutes later, Lisa reappeared with a doctor, who introduced herself. "Hey Ayla, my name's Ellie and I'm a doctor. See?" She held out her stethoscope. Ayla cautiously sat up to look at it. "You want to hold it?" 

"Yes please," Ayla replied quietly. 

"Wow you're very polite Ayla," she smiled and carefully gave her the stethoscope. "While you're looking at that, do you think I can have a look at your head and wrist?" 

Ayla bit her lip a little. Yaz, who was half holding the stethoscope now so Ayla could use her good hand to inspect it, rubbed her back to reassure Ayla, who then nodded in agreement. 

Ellie smiled gratefully to Yaz, and then looked back at the 4 year old. "I'll look at your head first. Lisa tells me it's this side that hurts," she carefully tapped the right side of her head. Ayla nodded again. "Alright then, let's see." She slowly removed the bandage that was in place and had a look at the cut underneath. Ayla was so entranced by the medical equipment in front of her that she didn't resist at all. "Wow you're so brave Ayla, your Mummy must be very proud." 

Ayla looked up, "Mummy is brave too." 

Already struggling to hold it together, Yaz really had to stop herself from shedding tears at that moment. 

"That's awesome," Ellie replied. "Can I look at your wrist now?"

She was a little more hesitant on this one. Yaz suspected that now she'd calmed down the pain was getting to her more. "It hurts." 

"Lisa told me it was hurting. We're going to get you some super special medication for the pain. It's like magic," she told her, then nodded back to Lisa who left the room. “Can I have a look now?” 

Ayla carefully moved her left arm out. Ellie rested it onto one of her hands, using the other to feel around. She pressed in and Ayla quickly pulled it away. “That hurt!” she immediately cried. 

“She didn’t mean to hurt you sweetheart,” Yaz told her, wiping at her eyes. “Come on now, settle down baby, it’s okay.” 

“I’m all done now Ayla, you were really good. I’m sorry it hurt,” Ellie told her calmly. “I’ll go and see if we’ve got that medication ready, then we’re going to have to take some pictures of your head and your bones.” She stood up, leaving that one with Yaz while she went out to check on Lisa.

Once Ayla had settled a little, she got inquisitive. “How do they take pictures of inside me?” she asked, looking at her wrist. 

“They’ve got some very clever machines. One of them is like a big camera and you put your wrist on a special table to take a picture. For the head pictures you get to lie on a bed and you have to lie really really still.” 

Ayla looked up to her, “like sleeping lions?” 

“Exactly like sleeping lions,” Yaz smiled. “Mummy’s had one before, you’ll be just fine.”

At that moment, Lisa returned with some liquid painkillers for her. “These are reasonably strong and might make her sleepy. We’re hoping to get the CT scan done when she’s settled,” Lisa explained to Yaz. 

Yaz nodded, “thank you, probably wise,” she smiled. “Ayla, the nurse has a little drink for you and it’s going to make the pain go away.” 

“The magic one?” Ayla asked.

“That’s the one,” Lisa smiled and handed her the little pot. Ayla drank it. “It might make you feel tired, you can go to sleep if you want sweetheart,” she smiled and took the pot back. “Do you need anything?” she asked Yaz.

“No we’re fine, thank you,” Yaz smiled gratefully as Lisa left again. 

Very quickly, Ayla was dropping off on her. Thankfully she didn’t have to try and keep her awake this time, so Yaz let her fall asleep. Finally she had a moment to check her phone and let certain people know what was going on.

**_Bill_ ** _ [13:12] Hope everything’s okay mate.  _

Yaz smiled at the message, but she didn’t know how to reply right now - so she didn’t. Instead she decided to text her Mum, starting with a picture of Ayla in her current position (which was quite difficult to take).

**_Yaz_ ** _ [14:02] *image attached* Ayla took a tumble at school. Doing okay, just knocked her out with painkillers so they can do a CT scan. Looks like she might have broken her wrist. We’re alright, just thought you should know what was going on x _

**_Najia_ ** _ [14:05] Oh no :( my poor princess. Keep me in the loop sweetheart xxx _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [14:06] Of course. I’ll call you later xx _

She would call her when she could be sure she wouldn’t end up in tears after 30 seconds. Next up, Rae’s messages.

**_Rae_ ** _ [13:52] Classes sorted. How’s it going? x _

**_Rae_ ** _ [13:55] Sorry you don’t have to tell me. x _

**_Rae_ ** _ [13:58] Let me know if I can do anything else. x _

**_Rae_ ** _ [13:58] Sorry, too many messages. x _

Yaz chuckled.

**_Yaz_ ** _ [14:10] Thank you for sorting that. She’s still not herself, but they’re going to do a CT scan soon. Looks like she’s broken her wrist too. I’ll let you know how we get on x _

**_Rae_ ** _ [14:12] :( give her a big hug from me. x _

Then she had a message appear from Clara.

**_Clara_ ** _ [14:16] Hey, you never reappeared after lunch. Is everything okay?  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [14:17] Sorry, little emergency to deal with. I'll fill you in soon.  _

**_Clara_ ** _ [14:18] Hope you're okay _

She felt so lucky to have people who cared so much. She was smiling through slightly watery eyes when the door reopened. "Ah fab, she's out. They're ready for us in CT now so we will get her straight through. You can stay in the observation room so you're not far away while they do it," Lisa explained. A female porter also appeared behind her. Yaz carefully moved to lay Ayla down on the bed, climbing off herself. She looked so small and fragile in the large bed. They started moving straight away, wanting to get the scan done while Ayla was sleeping. When they got to the CT room, Lisa showed her where she could wait.

Through the window, Yaz watched as they moved her onto the scanning table. It was all becoming quite real now, and she was struggling to hold it together. 

"Is there anyone we can call for you love?" Lisa asked. "You look like you could do with someone." 

Oh how she wished her Mum could be here right now, but she couldn't. Rae had been amazing, Yaz kind of regretted not asking her to stay, but she was busy too. There was one person who Ayla would love to see though. "Can you call my friend Ryan? He's the only man Ayla will be around, she loves him and- well, he's like a brother to me I guess," Yaz explained, pulling her phone out and writing the number down for her. "Thank you." 

Lisa shook her head, "it's no problem. I'll be back before she's done," she smiled and left the room. 

The radiologist was lovely. They explained everything that was happening, and Yaz could see Ayla's face throughout on the screen. She slept through the whole thing. As soon as she was told it was safe, Yaz returned to her daughter's side. She started to stir as they moved her back onto the bed, and Lisa arrived back then too. "He's on the way," she told Yaz quietly. Yaz thanked her again, before they moved round to x-ray. 

By the time they arrived there Ayla was a little more awake. "Mummy?" 

"I'm here baby," she squeezed her good hand gently to get her attention. "We are going to take the picture of your arm now." 

Ayla was fascinated by the x-ray machine, she sat nice and still on Yaz's lap while they did it - the painkillers clearly still in effect as she allowed them to move her arm around. The radiographer was amazing with Ayla, telling her everything as she did it. "Can I see the picture?" the 4 year old asked when they returned her to the bed. 

"Maybe in a bit sweetheart, we are going to go back to the little room now," Yaz explained. 

Thankfully she was tired enough to accept that with no problems and they went back. Lisa smiled as they went by her, and Yaz understood why when they went back inside to find Ryan waiting there. "Uncle Ryan!" Ayla immediately perked up and Ryan went over to give her a little high 5 which had become their greeting recently. "I fell over," she told him. 

"I heard, you hit your head huh?" he pointed to the dressing. "That was very silly."

Ayla nodded and then yawned. Yaz leant over the bed sides to her. "You can go back to sleep if you need to sweetheart," she kissed her head gently. 

"But Uncle Ryan is here Mummy," she replied sleepily. 

"Ah that's alright bud, I'll have a chat with your Mummy while you're sleeping I don't mind," he smiled at her. 

Happy with that situation, Ayla quickly dropped off again. 

"They gave her some pretty strong painkillers," Yaz explained, leaning on the rails and carefully stroking Ayla's hair out of her face. 

"Yaz," Ryan said, trying to get her to look up. He could probably see the tears building in her eyes. "Yaz, mate, she's sleeping. She's okay, just come here a sec." He had walked round to her side of the bed. 

She gave in, falling into his open arms and finally letting the tears fall. Ryan just let her cry, knowing that she needed to get it out. It must have been at least 10 minutes they were standing there before Yaz settled a little. "I'm sorry, I think that has been building for a while," she stood back and wiped her eyes. "I'm so scared Ry." 

"What actually happened?" he asked. 

Yaz looked back at Ayla, making sure she was still asleep, before returning to face Ryan. She’d wrapped her arms around herself subconsciously. “She fell badly at school, hit her head hard. They managed to get the cut bandaged and called an ambulance, but it was two male paramedics. She freaked out. I was having coffee with Rae at the time, she drove me to the school, then drove us here - it seemed the best way. The whole time she was… she was so quiet,” Yaz stopped when her voice broke slightly, taking a deep breath. Ryan reached out and put a hand on her shoulder supportively. “I can’t stop thinking about everything that could happen. It’s going round and round in my head and I can’t stop it. My baby got hurt and I couldn’t stop it.”

Shaking his head, Ryan pulled her back in before Yaz started crying again. “Kids have accidents mate, you can’t protect her from everything,” he told her. “I can’t lose her Ry, I can’t.” 

“You’re not,” he carefully turned Yaz around so she could see Ayla on the bed. “Look, she’s sleeping over there. She’s not got any worse since you’ve been here right? And they’ll sort her wrist if it’s broken. She’s going to be fine.”

Yaz sniffed, a hand going to push her hair back. There’s silence between them for a moment, one which is only broken by the door opening and the same nurse and doctor - Lisa and Ellie - returning.

“She looks very peaceful,” Ellie commented, smiling. “Good news is, there’s nothing of note on the CT. Looks like it’s just a bad cut, we’ll get that all cleaned up and glued shortly. Slightly not so good news - her wrist is broken. She’ll need to go in a cast I’m afraid, but we’ll get that sorted quickly too, I know you’ll want to get home asap.” 

Letting out a breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding, Yaz felt a wash of relief. “Thank you, both of you. You’ve been really good with her.” 

“Not a problem. We’ve got some things to get sorted, do you want either of us to be here to talk to her?” Lisa asked. 

Yaz shook her head, “no it’s okay, I’ll explain.” 

“Then I’ll head out and get the bits together. Shouldn’t be long,” Lisa said before they left the room again. 

“If you say ‘I told you so’ Ryan I swear-” 

Ryan held his hands up, “didn’t even think it. I’ll nip to the vending machine and get something to eat and drink for us. You gonna wake her?” 

She nodded. “I think it’ll be best. Thanks Ry.” 

Once it was just the two of them again, Yaz put the side of the bed down and climbed back on before carefully waking Ayla. “Hey baby girl,” she moved the hair back out of her face again. 

Ayla blinked her eyes open and looked around, “did Uncle Ryan go?” 

“Charming,” Yaz chuckled softly, “he’s just nipped out baby. The doctor just came in, she told me your head is gonna be just fine. They’re going to fix the cut soon. Your arm is hurt though, they’re going to need to put a special thing on it to help it get better.” 

“Is Lisa going to do it? I like her,” she replied.

“Yes she is,” Yaz smiled. “How are you feeling, does it hurt?” 

She shook her head, “it’s okay.” 

“My big brave girl.” 

Ayla didn’t like the glue in the end, that was a bit of a struggle. The cast on her wrist was less of an issue, especially when she realised it could be any colour she wanted (she went for bright yellow). They made it out of A&E just before 5, and despite the chocolate bar Ryan had got earlier, Yaz was starving. Ayla was too - she’d mentioned it at least 3 times in the last 20 minutes. Normally Yaz would veto the ice cream parlour, it wasn’t exactly dinner, but when Ryan had suggested it and Ayla got very excited, she couldn’t say no - not today. So that’s where they went. By the time they got home and Ryan left, Ayla was a mess of ice cream, sprinkles and chocolate even ignoring the slight blood spattering and mud from the earlier fall on her clothes. After a good bath (with a cast sleeve the hospital provided) and a book (never as good when Ryan isn’t there to do the voices) Ayla was tucked up asleep in her bed. Yaz’s bed, because she didn’t want to be alone tonight, and Yaz wasn’t going to argue that either.

Once she was out, Yaz finally managed to update everyone she needed to, sending a photo of Ayla proudly holding her cast up to her family. 

The last message she sent was to Rae.

**_Yaz_ ** _ [20:13] Home, tucked up in bed and incredibly grateful. Broken wrist, but her head is fine. Thank you so much for today, I owe you more than one. xx _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [20:13] *image attached* this is her cast, by the way. She’s oddly pleased with it. xx _

Almost instantly, she received a reply.

**_Rae_ ** _ [20:14] Wow I can see why, that’s an awesome colour! xx _

**_Rae_ ** _ [20:14] So glad she’s alright Yaz, was worried. Let me know if I can do anything for you xx _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See! It's all good! Loads of cuteness.   
> I mean we're 10 chapters in and they're still only talking, but we're getting there...


	11. Childhood Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to me. As a present for you all, I give you with my least favourite chapter so far. Although on a second read it's not as bad as I remember when I wrote it! As always, thank you so much for your wonderful messages. You're all awesome.

She didn’t go in for the rest of the week. Most of her lectures she managed to teach online, promising her students extra sessions at a later date. Ayla was very good, playing in her room while her Mum was teaching. Outside of those times she was pretty clingy, usually insisting on sitting beside her Mum on the TV. Yaz tried to get her out, but she generally didn’t want to. They played games inside, and Ayla was getting used to the cast being on her wrist. 

Her Mum called a lot. She’d offered to come down, and Yaz had been so close to agreeing, but she decided she needed to handle this herself. Ayla had spent a long time chatting to her on video call however, sometimes freeing Yaz to at least tidy the place up. 

Rae had kept in close contact too. They text a lot, she often asked how Ayla was getting on. Yaz found herself smiling every time a message came through, but she told herself it was just the feeling of finally having friends around her. 

When Monday came back around, Ayla was thankfully happy to go back to school. It was a small fight to get her into Hayley’s, but ultimately not too bad considering. Yaz returned to her usual routine, her lectures went well and she’d had a fairly productive morning, so by the time Clara returned and they walked over to the pub, she was more than ready to relax for an hour, but she also had plans for this meetup.

The rest of the gang were there when she arrived with Clara, who sat down next to Bill while Yaz sat beside Rae. They quickly decided what everyone was having and Amy and Clara went up to order. 

“Good to see you back mate,” Bill commented once they’d gone. “We missed you Friday.” 

Yaz smiled, “thanks. I’m gonna talk to you all actually, explain it all once the others are back.” 

“You know you don’t have to, right?” Bill checked.

“Yeah I know,” Yaz agreed, “but I want to.” 

Rae smiled at her, a gesture that Yaz returned - grateful for the reassurance from her friend. 

When Clara and Amy returned with the drinks, they sat down and Yaz quickly got to her point. “I just wanted to explain to you guys about something,” she told her friends. 

“Is everything okay?” Clara asked. 

Yaz nodded, “yeah it is. There’s just something… someone, that I haven’t told you guys about.” She placed her pre-prepared phone on the table with the photo of Ayla asleep on her at the hospital last week. “This is where I disappeared on Tuesday. That’s my daughter, Ayla. She’s four. Had a tumble at school and hit her head, also broke her wrist,” she flicked the picture across to show her with the cast. “Had to take a few days to look after her. With my family in Sheffield and my mate Ryan working, don’t really have anyone else to call on. Plus she doesn’t take well to new people, it’s difficult.” Yaz felt herself shaking her leg with nerves as she spoke. “Her first few years have been rough, we moved here for a fresh start and Ayla’s been doing really well, but I’ve wanted to take it slow with her. Introduce people carefully and when she’s ready.” 

All three of them were looking at the photos carefully. “Is she alright?” Clara asked.

“Yeah she’s fine, back to school today and very excited to show off the bright yellow cast,” Yaz told her. “She was pretty clingy all week and didn’t really want to go out so I was nervous, but there was only a little fight at the childminder’s this morning.” 

Bill spoke up next, “I take it Rae already knows?” 

Yaz bit her lip, “yeah, sorry. She picked up on something the night we went out so we started talking.” 

“No it’s fine, don’t worry we all talk about stuff to each other individually,” Bill replied quickly. “She’s a cute kid.” 

Amy took her turn next, looking a little nervous. “Did something happen with her Dad?” she asked, then quickly added “you don’t have to answer that.” 

“It’s fine,” Yaz replied. “Yeah, some stuff happened. I don’t really want to talk about it, but he’s out of the picture now. It’s had a big effect on Ayla, she’s so nervous around people, but we’re making progress. She absolutely loves Ryan, and she hasn’t shut up about Rae since she met her last weekend.” 

Rae’s head shot to look at her, “still?” 

Yaz nodded, “yep. I got her down the park for a little bit yesterday and apparently I’m not good enough to play with anymore.” 

Immediately Amy chuckled, “I can just imagine Rae in the park with a 4 year old.” 

“It’s  _ exactly  _ what you’re thinking I assure you,” Yaz replied. 

“I really don’t know if this is a compliment or an insult,” Rae looked between her two friends. 

Yaz laughed and put a hand on her shoulder, “anyone who can keep my daughter entertained like that is in my good books I assure you.” She told her, before looking round them all. “I do want you all to meet her, but I don’t want to overwhelm her.” 

“Yaz she’s your daughter, we’ll understand whatever you need to do,” Clara told her. “And if we can do anything to help-” 

“Yeah, anything,” Amy agreed. “Thanks for telling us.” 

She shrugged, “it’s fine. I’ve realised I need to be more open myself, I’ve been a little overprotective I think.” 

“She looks  _ just  _ like you Yaz,” Bill pointed out. “Literally like you’ve just been shrunk down.” 

“I said that! She’s just a mini Yaz,” Rae chuckled. “Clever kid too.” 

“Her mother’s daughter,” Amy grinned. “Well I can’t wait to meet her when you’re both ready.” 

Yaz sat back in relief, taking her phone with her, “thanks guys. Means a lot.”

* * *

The relief of having Ayla now public knowledge among her friends was incredible. Yaz didn’t realise quite how hard she was working to hide it until she no longer had to. She could talk more about what she was doing in the group chat, and they’d often receive pictures now too. In fact today was one of those days. 

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:14] *image attached* Help!!  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [12:15] Ahahaha she got you!  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:15] Wow, I can feel the sympathy from here.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [12:16] It was my idea, to be fair.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:16] RAE!!  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [12:16] When did you get so quick on your phone Rae?  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [12:16] Yaz you appear to be covered in teddies.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:17] My daughter apparently thought it would be funny to empty the whole box on top of me.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [12:18] Did you fall asleep on the sofa? _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:18] Why? _

**_Rae_ ** _ [12:19] Well she told me you always fall asleep during films, I said she should throw something soft at you…  _

**_Bill_ ** _ [12:19] HAHAHAHAHA you’re covered.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:20] I’m starting to think you’re a bad influence on my daughter Rae.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:20] I still need help. _

**_Bill_ ** _ [12:21] They’re only teddies…  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:22] *image attached* and a 4 year old sitting on me.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [12:23] Aww she looks cute.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:23] Not quite the response I was going for. _

**_Bill_ ** _ [12:24] You and your daughter are providing us all with the entertainment needed on this shite Saturday.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:26] Thanks… I think. _

**_Amy_ ** _ [12:30] Guys I’m bored. Anyone wanna get lunch?  _

**_Bill_ ** _ [12:30] Ergh yes please, this marking is giving me a headache.  _

**_Rae_ ** _ [12:31] I’ve already said yes but… yes.  _

**_Clara_ ** _ [12:32] 100% I need to get out of this house. _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:34] Have a good time guys :) x _

“Mummyyyy stop ignoring me!” Ayla bounced on her legs. 

Yaz chuckled and put her phone down. “You gonna get off me monkey?” 

“Maybeee,” she giggled. “Were you talking to your friends Mummy?” 

She nodded, “they’re going out for lunch now, so I’m all yours,” she reached up and tickled Ayla who giggled wildly, wriggling around and eventually climbing off. “Haha! Gotcha,” Yaz sat up from her teddy trap.

“Can we go too?” Ayla asked. 

Yaz looked at her, “you want to go out for lunch?” Ayla nodded. “Alright, where do you want to go?” 

“With your friends!” she told her. “I want to see RaeRae.” 

“RaeRae?” Yaz raised an eyebrow, not having heard the nickname before. “Clara, Bill and Amy would be there too.” 

Ayla nodded, “that’s ‘kay. They’re Mummy’s friends.”

“If you’re sure then,” Yaz told her. “Better get dressed eh? Go and pick out some clothes.” Ayla ran off.

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:45] Where are you guys going? _

**_Amy_ ** _ [12:49] Usual café near ours. How come? _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:51] Ayla wants to come… is that okay? _

**_Amy_ ** _ [12:52] Definitely! We’re all meeting here and walking around.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [12:55] I’ve gotta get this one organised, we can meet you there. See you all shortly x _

They weren’t too late - Ayla was keen to go, so when they arrived at the café the others hadn’t long sat down. When they walked through the door, as Yaz had predicted, Ayla suddenly became very clingy and insisted that Yaz picked her up. “It’s alright baby girl, I’m right here,” she told her, walking over to the table. 

“Hey,” Clara greeted them, smiling. “You must be Ayla.” Ayla nodded, keeping herself close to her Mum. “I’m Clara, your Mummy and I share an office.” 

“My name’s Amy, I live with Rae,” Amy smiled. 

“I like your hair,” Ayla said quietly. 

Yaz shifted her slightly in her arms, “that’s a lovely thing to say Ayla,” she smiled. “This is Bill, she teaches the same thing as Rae.” 

Ayla looked over at Bill, “I like your hair too. It’s bouncy,” she giggled a little. 

“It is quite bouncy isn’t it?” Bill smiled. 

Yaz smiled at the small interactions between her friends and her daughter. “Shall we sit down?” she asked Ayla. She noted that they’d put the empty chairs between Rae and Clara, so Yaz walked around and with Ayla’s agreement, sat her between herself and Rae. 

“Hey buddy,” Rae grinned. “Mummy told me you emptied your teddies onto her.” 

Ayla immediately grinned back, “just like you said!” 

“Uh… yes, kinda,” Rae chuckled. “Definitely worked though.” 

“Yep! “ she giggled.

Yaz glanced over at them while vaguely paying attention to other conversations. Rae started taking Ayla through the children’s menu without being asked. Ayla listened intently to all the options, and let Rae help her make the decision. “Oi Yaz, you with us?” she jumped slightly at Clara’s words.

“Huh? Yes, sorry,” she smiled. “It’s just nice to see Ayla happy.” 

Clara nodded, “she’s a really sweet kid.” 

“When she wants to be,” Yaz chuckled. “Nah she’s so great, I’m so lucky to have her.” 

“She’s pretty lucky to have you ‘n’ all Yaz,” Bill added. “You’ve clearly brought her up well.”

“Mummy can I have ice cream?” Ayla popped up from the other side of her. 

Yaz looked round, “only if you eat your main course kiddo, you know the rules.” 

“Can I have ice cream  _ for _ my main course?” she asked.

“Rae, are you giving the child bad ideas already?” Amy raised an eyebrow at her. 

Rae shrugged, “it’s a valid question.”

Yaz rolled her eyes, “neither of you are having ice cream unless you eat your main courses - which will not be ice cream,” she said firmly. Rae sat back in a semi-fake sulk. 

On the other hand, Ayla quickly accepted her mother’s response. “Okay! I’ll have sausages please Mummy.” 

Bill chuckled, “as if the four year old took that better than you Rae.”

“You’re lucky there is a four year old here, Bill Potts,” Rae tutted. 

“It’s okay RaeRae, you can have sausages too!” Ayla smiled at her. 

They all laughed.

* * *

Lunch turned into a cuppa at Amy and Rae’s place after. They were all sitting around the kitchen table, all except Rae and Ayla who were currently running around in the garden. “It’s nice that Rae has a friend to play with now,” Bill chuckled.

Amy hit her arm, “don’t be mean. Look how happy she is.” 

Yaz smiled, “I think it’s sweet. Plus, it saves me some energy.” 

“She’s wonderful, just the livening up this group needed,” Clara joined in having just returned from the bathroom. 

“Are you calling me boring?” Bill tutted.

Clara sipped her tea innocently, shrugging. “No comment.” 

“Mummy!” Ayla came running inside, “can RaeRae draw a picture on my cast?” 

“Yeah if you want her to sweetheart,” Yaz replied. 

“Yay!” she ran back to Rae who had just made it inside. “Mummy says yes!” 

“Aww thanks Mummy, I’ll be good - promise,” Rae smiled and then guided Ayla into the lounge to find the pens. 

Yaz watched them go, a little more nervous when she could no longer see her daughter. Despite knowing Ayla was gone by choice, and completely safe with Rae, she still felt a slight hitch of breath in her chest. “You alright Yaz?” Clara asked.

“Yeah, yes fine,” she turned back. “Still getting used to letting her go sometimes.” 

Clara smiled reassuringly, “Rae’ll look after her. She might be a bad influence with food, but she’s good.” 

“The worst she’ll end up with is a sugar addiction,” Amy added, making Yaz chuckle. “Think Rae is having a great time to be honest.” 

Yaz smiled, “I’m glad. Ayla definitely is.” 

“You’re always welcome to bring her round mate, if you need a break or you can’t get a babysitter. Never feel you have to miss out on anything,” Amy told her. 

For the first time, in a very long time, Yaz felt like she was finally accepted for her - for her and her daughter.

* * *

A few hours, and quite a few cups of tea later, they were in the lounge. Ayla was curled up on Yaz, slowly falling asleep. “Think you tired her out,” she told Rae who was sitting next to her. 

“Oh, sorry,” Rae apologised.

Yaz shook her head, “I never said that was a bad thing,” she smiled. “She needed a good run around. The flat doesn’t allow for that much and she didn’t want to go to the park today.” 

“Well I really enjoyed it,” she smiled. 

“This is amazing, by the way,” she pointed to Ayla’s cast that was resting on her chest. Rae had drawn a little picture of Elsa from Frozen. “She can’t wait to show her friends at school. Didn’t know you were such a good artist.”

Rae shrugged, “I dabble. First time I’ve drawn an animated character on a plaster cast though.” 

“It’s amazing, thank you,” Yaz smiled at her. 

_ Did Rae just blush? She was probably imagining it.  _

“I’m um- just gonna go to the loo-” Rae stuttered and stood up, quickly disappearing. 

On the other side of the room, Amy and Clara shared a look, while Bill was smirking. “What?” Yaz asked.

Clara shrugged, “nothing. How’s Ayla doing?” 

“Shattered. Should probably get her home to be honest,” Yaz told them, stroking her hair. “Thank you all so much for today, we’ve both really enjoyed it.” 

Amy smiled, “like we said - anytime. You’ve got a whole group of us looking out for you now Yaz, both of you.” 

“You’ll set me off if you’re not careful,” Yaz smiled, “thank you so much.” 

"Oh no, are we doing emotion? I'm outta here," Bill joked, but did stand up and take the mugs out to the kitchen. 

Clara laughed, "she's a softie really." 

"I'll break her at some point," Yaz chuckled, and then assessed her situation. The sofa was fairly low, and Ayla was now fast asleep on top of her. "Huh, I might need a hand here."

Amy jumped up, "I got you," she went over. "Want me to take her for a sec? Is that okay?" 

Yaz smiled, appreciating that she would ask. "Yeah she's zonked out you'll be fine," she told her, helping Amy to pick Ayla up off her lap which freed her to stand up. She got her coat back on, and Amy helped her to get Ayla's on too. "Thank you so much." 

Amy shook her head as she handed Ayla back, "don't be silly it's fine. Glad to help." 

"Yeah I'm just rubbish at accepting it so you'll have to bear with me," Yaz smiled. 

She adjusted Ayla on her hip, her head resting on her Mum's shoulder. Rae came back in at that moment. "Oh you're going?" 

"Yeah, this one is shattered. It's been a lovely afternoon though, thank for looking after her," she smiled. 

"Anytime, honestly I really enjoyed myself," Rae replied, not quite making eye contact. 

"I hope you're aware you've inadvertently signed yourself up for babysitting duties," Yaz grinned.

Rae's face lit up, "I'd love that!"

"Duly noted," Yaz chuckled. "Right then gang, I'll see you Monday." 

They all said their goodbyes. Rae helped Yaz open the car door. "I'm glad everyone knows now," Yaz told her after shutting Ayla's door. "I don't like keeping secrets."

"They understand," Rae assured her. "We all do." 

"I've never felt so supported… it's strange," she bit the inside of her lip, emotion finally getting on top of her.

Rae opened her arms, "need a hug?" Yaz nodded, moving forward and accepting the gesture. "Anything you need, we are all here for you. On your terms though, always." 

She really understood, more than Jamie ever had, more than any of her old friends. Yaz didn't want to leave her hold, she felt comfort in here, but she had to leave, and eventually she gave in and stepped back. "Thanks Rae," she opened the car door. "I'll see you Monday."

When she returned home, she carried Ayla back up to the flat and lay her on the sofa. Taking the opportunity, she got some tidying done around the flat. While collecting up some of Ayla's toys, she accidentally knocked a picture over. She went back and picked it up, smiling at what she saw. It was Ayla with her parents, one of Yaz's favourite photos. She stopped at that point, grabbed her phone and called her Mum - telling her everything that happened that day. She'd finally opened up, something Yaz never thought she'd be able to do. Najia told her daughter how proud she was, and Yaz knew she meant it. This was exactly the reason she'd moved, her risk had paid off. 

She hung up from her Mum when Ayla started to stir. "Mummy?" 

"Yeah baby?" she went over and sat down beside her.

"I like your friends," she said, hugging into her Mum in her still sleepy state. "Can we see them again soon?"

Yaz smiled, "yeah of course we can."

"That's good," Ayla said, before adding, "can we have pizza for dinner?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayla <3 Food


	12. What about us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is late!! It's been written for literally ages honestly, but I just completely forgot to post it yesterday. ANYWAY thank you so much for all your lovely comments, you're all amazing.

Winter was pressing in and it was bitter this morning. Yaz pulled her coat tighter around her, fighting the wind as she made her way into work. It was Thursday and she’d just dropped Ayla off at school. This was the last teaching week before the students went home for Christmas, so she only had today and tomorrow left. Most of her deadlines were set in January, which she’d done on purpose - partly for her to free up Christmas, and partly to give her students more time on the assignments. 

She sank down into her chair, cherishing the warmth of her office when she sat down. She’d barely been there a minute when there was a knock at the door and she saw Rae standing there, grinning through the glass. Yaz gestured to her to come in and she did. “Morning, I brought coffee! Well, tea,” she handed her the cup. “How are you doing?” She sat down in Clara’s chair, spinning around. 

“I’m fine,” she smiled, “how about you?” Yaz couldn’t decide if Rae was hyper or nervous or maybe some strange mix of the two. 

“Yep! Good, all good. Very good,” she replied. 

Yaz raised an eyebrow, “are you sure? You seem very jumpy,” she questioned. 

“Huh? No, no I’m good,” Rae spun around on the chair again. “I was just wondering something... um…” 

“Rae, it’s only me. What’s up?” 

Rae had stopped spinning, and instead looked down at the floor. “Well I had this idea and you might not like it or it might be totally wrong or something, but Amy said I should ask so I’m here and I didn’t want to turn up empty handed so that’s why I got the tea but I realise you can make your own tea so maybe it was pointless but-” 

“Rae,” Yaz stopped her mid sentence. “Take a breath. The tea is lovely, thank you, what did you want to ask?” 

As instructed, Rae did take a deep breath before she started again. “I saw this even advertised at the soft play area this weekend where the kids can meet Santa and I wondered if um- if maybe we could take Ayla together on Sunday? Or you can just go on your own with her. I don’t have to be there. I just thought she would like it, but then I wondered if she would with how she doesn’t like people. Maybe it’s a rubbish idea, sorry,” she stood up. 

Yaz quickly stood up and ran around to stop her leaving, “Rae please relax, I don’t bite,” she told her. “Well, not much anyway…” she shrugged. “It’s a really lovely idea, and Ayla would love it. She might be a little nervous, one of us would need to stick with her all the time, but she would love it. She’s still a big Father Christmas fan,” Yaz smiled. “I think it would be really nice, and she’s been asking to see you again.” 

“She has?” Rae asked. Yaz smiled, she was always so surprised when she told her Ayla had been asking about her. It was sweet, they both adored each other and Yaz loved to see them together. “That’s cool. So um, that’s a yes?” 

“That’s a yes in principle, I’ll have to ask Ayla, but I don’t think she’ll say no. I’ll text you later to confirm?” Yaz suggested.

Rae’s shoulders visually relaxed as she said that. “Yeah, sounds good,” she finally smiled back at Yaz. “I’d better go… catch you later?” 

* * *

Suddenly it was Sunday, and Yaz had been trying to get her hair to go right for what felt like hours. “Mummy what’s taking so long?” Ayla huffed from behind her on the bed. 

“Just sorting my hair sweetheart,” Yaz replied, smiling at her in the mirror.

“You’re taking for _ ever, _ ” Ayla groaned and flopped dramatically back down onto the bed. 

Admittedly, Yaz had spent far longer on her hair and makeup than she really needed to when going to a soft play area. Why? That she couldn’t really put her finger on…. “I’m nearly done sweetheart, why don’t you go and get your shoes on?” 

Ayla crawled off the edge of the bed and jumped down. “Be quick Mummy, I don’t want to miss Father Christmas!” 

“I promise we won’t miss him,” Yaz assured her as she left the room. She adjusted her hair one last time and sighed.  _ “It’ll have to do.”  _

She quickly put some lipstick on and grabbed her jacket from the side. She slipped it on and went out to Ayla who was dancing by the door in her flashing trainers. “Mummy you look pretty!” she announced when she saw Yaz. 

“Aww thank you baby girl, so do you,” she smiled, slipping her own trainers on. “Come on then, let’s go.” 

They drove over to the soft play area, Ayla singing away the whole journey to Christmas songs. The moment December had hit she insisted on having them on permanently at home and in the car. Even still with her cast on, she wasn’t going to let it stop her Christmas spirit. In fact she wouldn’t let it stop anything really, Yaz was really proud. 

“Mummy look! RaeRae is here!” Ayla shouted when they turned into the car park. 

“I see darling,” Yaz smiled and parked up. “Now, remember what I said?” 

Ayla nodded, “there will be lots of people, but Mummy and RaeRae will look after me. Don’t run off and if I do get lost, go to the big door.” 

Yaz smiled, “you got it kiddo,” she told her before getting out of the car and then helping Ayla out. “Hold my hand, lots of cars around,” she told her. Ayla obediently held her hand and they walked over to meet Rae at the entrance. 

“RaeRae!” Ayla ran over to her once Yaz let her go. For some reason, Yaz noticed she didn’t immediately look down at her daughter, instead for some reason she was looking at Yaz herself, mouth half open. “I’m down here RaeRae!” 

Shaking her head back to reality, Rae looked down, “oh there you are! Couldn’t see you for a bit there,” she chuckled. “You look lovely, did you pick this out yourself?” 

Ayla nodded proudly, “then I had to wait for  _ ages  _ for Mummy to get ready.” 

Yaz rolled her eyes, “she’s exaggerating, it wasn’t that long. Come on, let’s get inside shall we? It’s freezing out here.” Keen to change the subject and her daughter outing her for taking a long time to get ready for today, they went inside to book in. 

As Rae had booked it, she went to the desk. Ayla insisted on going with her so Yaz waited at the back for them. While she was standing there, her phone vibrated in her pocket.

**_Ryan_ ** _ [15:26] Enjoy your date ;)  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [15:27] It's not a date Ryan. We are friends. Besides, soft play with a 4 year old is hardly a romantic situation. _

**_Ryan_ ** _ [15:28] Ha! So you admit you would like it to be a romantic situation then? Send me a selfie.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [15:28] NO! And why? Stalker.  _

**_Ryan_ ** _ [15:29] Just want to see if you put makeup on for your non-date to soft play with your 4 year old.  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [15:29] piss off Ryan  _

**_Ryan_ ** _ [15:30] Like I said, enjoy your date.  _

Luckily for Ryan, Rae and Ayla came back over to her. "Mummy we can go in and play!"

Yaz slipped her phone in her pocket, "awesome! Let's go and find a locker for our bags and shoes then eh?" She suggested and Ayla nodded, taking her hand as they walked through. 

"They're doing coloured bands for times to meet you know who," Rae told Yaz.

"He's called Father Christmas RaeRae!" Ayla informed her. 

Rae chuckled, "ah yes, silly me. Well we have yellow bands. Matches Ayla's cast perfectly!" Ayla held her arm up to demonstrate. "They said one of us needs to be with her at all times because of the cast, and to consider what she goes on, but otherwise she's fine." 

"Makes sense," Yaz smiled. "Thanks for sorting all this." 

"Nah don't be silly, I can't wait to get in there," she grinned. "You look lovely by the way, I like the sparkly top," Rae smiled, a little nervously. 

Yaz felt herself blushing, "thanks. You look nice too," she replied before crouching down to open the locker door, mostly to hide her reddening cheeks. "Let's get your shoes and coat off," she turned to Ayla and helped her do so, before sticking her own stuff in and Rae's when she handed it down. 

"We'll take it in turns to come in with you," Yaz told her. "Who do you want to go first?" 

Ayla looked between her Mum and Rae, clearly unsure who to go to. "I don't know." 

"Why doesn't Mummy go in first? I'll follow you two around on the outside and take some pictures?" Rae suggested.

"Yeah!" Ayla replied excitedly. "RaeRae come in a bit?" 

Rae smiled, "you try and stop me." 

Yaz smiled gratefully to her and handed Rae her phone. "Catch you in a bit," she said before being dragged off by her daughter. 

Ayla was having a great time clambering around and playing. She sat on Yaz's lap to go down the slides, Yaz helped her with some of the climbing, but most of it was just the young girl enjoying herself. As promised, Rae was following them and taking a couple of pictures where she could. They posed for a couple too and Yaz immediately told herself she was going to frame one at some point. 

Eventually Ayla wanted a drink, so they made their way down to where Rae had found them a table and already got the drinks in. "You got me a slushie!!" Ayla bounced excitedly. 

"Ah good, you're not hyper enough," Yaz commented, but smiled to show Rae she was only joking. Ayla was being spoiled today, she deserved it. Yaz flopped down in her chair, completely worn out. "I think it's RaeRae's turn next." 

"Okay!" Ayla remarked happily before continuing to slurp on her drink. Both Yaz and Rae laughed when she had a slightly colder bit and scrunched her face up. "My head feels funny." 

"I'll go in a minute baby girl," Yaz leaned over and kissed her forehead. "All better?" 

"Yep, thanks Mummy," she replied. 

After drinking about half of the slushie, the 4 year old announced she was ready to go back on. Yaz said she'd stay with the drinks, allowing Ayla and now Rae to return to the play area. 

She watched them as best she could from her position. Rae was being gentle with Ayla, making sure they took their time where it was more difficult with her arm. She would also glance to Yaz occasionally as if making sure she wasn't getting anything wrong. Yaz snapped a couple of pictures of them too, knowing Ayla would like them - at least that's how she clarified it in her head. 

About half an hour later, they returned to the table, and Yaz resisted laughing at how worn out Rae looked. “I don’t know how such a small person can have so much energy,” Rae said as she sat down. Ayla had climbed up on her chair and was continuing her now melting slushie. 

“Welcome to my world,” Yaz smiled. “You alright?” 

Rae nodded, “will be.” 

Then the announcement came.

_ “Would all Yellow wristband holders please join the queue for Santa’s grotto.”  _

“Mummy! It’s time!” Ayla bounced on the chair, and Yaz had to jump into action to stop it tipping back. 

“Yes it is baby, but we don’t jump around on chairs do we?” Yaz told her. 

“Sorry Mummy,” Ayla replied solemnly. 

Yaz smiled, “good girl. Get down nicely, we’ll go and get our things from the locker and then go to the queue.” 

Most of the parents and kids seemed to race for the queue, but Yaz purposefully took her time with Ayla so she wouldn’t be too crowded, and they actually end up at the back of their queue group. Although this would mean a longer wait, it would be more comfortable. Ayla sipped at her drink until it was finished, while Yaz and Rae chatted about various topics - mostly work related. When Ayla finished, Yaz managed to run and dispose of the cup before rejoining the queue to find Rae knelt down beside an upset looking Ayla. “Hey what’s going on here?” Yaz replaced Rae kneeling on the floor and Ayla immediately flung herself into her mother’s arms. “What’s this in aid of?” 

Getting no response from her daughter, Yaz looked up at Rae who gave her the answer. “She thought you wouldn’t make it back in time.” 

“Oh baby I’m sorry, I didn’t go far,” she hugged her tight. “I’m right here and we’re going to meet Father Christmas together. You don’t think I’d let you go without me do you?” 

Ayla shook her head, “just got scared.” 

Yaz stroked her hair gently as they hugged, “I know baby girl, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have gone. I’d never leave you even for a second if I didn’t think it was safe.” 

“I know Mummy,” Ayla replied. Yaz carefully moved away and wiped the tears away gently. “Feel better now.” 

“Good girl,” Yaz smiled and stood up properly, mouthing an apology to Rae who simply shook her head. 

The queue moved down steadily, and soon enough they were right at the front. It was all agreed - Yaz would go over with Ayla while Rae stood back taking pictures. Yaz went through everything with Ayla one more time to make sure she was happy with what was going on, and then they were called in. 

Yaz almost had her arm pulled out of her socket when Ayla dragged her over to meet Father Christmas. She didn’t want to touch him, so they stood at the side of the chair while Ayla listed off everything she wanted for Christmas and Yaz made a mental note. 

“Oh dear, what happened to your arm?!” ‘Father Christmas’ asked her.

“I fell over at school,” Ayla sighed dramatically, making Yaz chuckle slightly behind her. She was impressed the man held it together. “Mummy said I was  _ really  _ brave though, and RaeRae drew Elsa on it!”

“Well that  _ is  _ a lovely drawing, and if you were really brave then you definitely deserve a special present,” he told Ayla, who gasped and looked to Yaz who smiled at her. “One of my elves will go and get it for me, shall we take some pictures while we wait?”

“Yes please!” Ayla smiled widely. They turned around and had their picture taken by both Rae and the official photographer. Ayla wouldn’t have one by herself, but that was okay. “Mummy can we get one with RaeRae as well?” she asked politely. 

Yaz and Rae shared a look, and she wasn’t really sure what it meant. “If RaeRae doesn’t mind coming in the photo?” 

“We’ve got time,” the photographer said. “I’ll take one on your phone if you like? I’m only allowed to do the one official picture.” 

Rae nodded, “yeah okay,” she handed Yaz’s phone to the photographer and joined them. Ayla insisted on being picked up by Yaz for this photo, putting her at the same height as the two adults. They all smiled, and the picture was taken before Yaz could really consider how it looked. She took her phone back, and then an elf appeared with the present for Ayla. 

“Merry Christmas Ayla, it was lovely to meet you,” ‘Father Christmas’ said as the elf handed it over. 

“You too!” Ayla smiled and then skipped off holding her gift as they were led out of the grotto. 

Yaz kept hold her her hand as they left the building. “Well done baby girl, you did really well.” 

“I got a special present Mummy!” she smiled proudly and held it up. “I want to save it until Christmas day.” 

“Really? You’ll have lots to open on Christmas day, you can open it now if you want?” Yaz suggested in case her daughter was just trying to be good.

Ayla shook her head, “we can put it under the tree!” 

“Alright then, that’s what we’ll do,” Yaz smiled. 

They’d paused outside the exit. “Thank you so much for this, it’s been a lovely afternoon,” Yaz said to Rae.

“Thanks RaeRae!” Ayla shouted - definitely still hyper then.

“Ah it’s no problem, I’ve had a fab time,” Rae told them. 

“Well I definitely owe you one,” Yaz told her. Ayla tugged on her Mum’s arm at that point. “What’s up kiddo?” 

“Can RaeRae come for dinner Mummy?” she asked.

Yaz found herself a little shocked at the request. “Uh- well, Rae might be busy darlin’.” 

“But if she’s not?” Ayla asked, then looked to Rae. “Are you busy?” 

Rae’s eyes widened a little, “no, no I’m not, but I don’t want to intrude-” 

“You’re not! Is she Mummy? Please can she come?” 

Honestly, Yaz didn’t mind the idea at all, but even if she did - she was never going to be able to turn down that face. “Of course, you’re more than welcome,” she said to Rae. “We were going to have pizza tonight - it’s Ayla’s favourite treat meal.” 

“Perfect! I love pizza,” Rae smiled. 

* * *

They’d had pizza in front of Frozen on the TV. Towards the end, Ayla fell asleep with her head on Yaz’s lap. “Must have really tired her out - she never falls asleep while Frozen is on,” Yaz chuckled quietly. “I’m just going to take her to bed, you’re welcome to wait.” 

Rae nodded, “I’ll wait.” 

She carried Ayla through, managing to change her out of her clothes and into PJs, before tucking her up in bed with Teddy and Giraffe by her side. “Goodnight baby girl,” she whispered and kissed her forehead, leaving the room and shutting the door almost closed. When she turned back into the lounge area, she realised Rae had cleaned everything up. She followed the noise to the kitchen where she was just finishing washing up. “You didn’t have to do any of this,” Yaz said. “Thank you.” 

Rae smiled at her, “I don’t mind, saves you a job. I didn’t know where anything went so I just put it on the side.” 

“That’s completely fine,” Yaz replied, “you’ve done so much for us today, I’m really grateful.” 

“Ah, you know me by now, just a good excuse for a play around,” Rae chuckled.

Yaz shook her head, “nah, it’s not just that and you know it. Outside my parents and Ryan, nobody has done anything like this for us in years. I’ve never been able to just sit and watch Ayla play like that, interacting with someone else. She was so comfortable with you.” 

“She’s a credit to you Yaz,” Rae smiled, “she was really well behaved today.” 

Yaz nodded, “she’s a good kid, always has been. Guess I got lucky there.” 

“There’s that, but I watched the way you interact with her, how you calmed her down when she got upset, it’s special - your relationship. Maybe some of that has come out of a horrible situation, but you’ve clearly both come out of it stronger,” Rae told her. By the time she finished, Yaz felt herself tearing up. “Oh! I’ve made you cry, I didn’t mean to. Um, do you have tissues or-” 

Yaz laughed through the tears, “just give me a hug you silly fool,” she told her. 

“Hug, yes, I can do that,” Rae said, walking forward and pulling her in for a hug. 

They stood there for a few minutes. Yaz sunk into the sensation, the comfort that Rae’s arms held. She took in her scent, the way she took gentle breaths and the steady beat of her heart. Suddenly she realised how deep her thought process was going and panicked, stepping back.

Rae seemed flustered. “I’d better get home. Promised Amy I’d vacuum before she gets home from her date with Rory and- well, not much time left. So yeah, better go,” she cleared her throat and went out to stick her shoes on. 

“Yes of course, kept you long enough,” Yaz followed her out. “Have a good holiday.” 

“I’m sure we’ll see each other,” Rae replied, slipping her coat on. “Bye Yaz.” 

And just like that, Rae was gone. Yaz shut the door behind her, leaning against it when she’d gone. Had she pushed it too far? Maybe she let the hug go on too long, or Rae realised how much she enjoyed it. 

_ Pull yourself together Yaz. She’s your friend.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They went to see Father Christmas together.
> 
> That's all that matters...


	13. Merry Christmas Everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello pals! Welcome back, here we go again. It's Christmas!! Thank you again for all your wonderful comments. Much love.

Yaz knew she’d screwed up. Rae had barely text her since she’d left her flat that night, their only interactions being in the group chat, and they weren’t direct. Tonight was meant to be their group Christmas meal, but it was 5pm and Yaz was still in her PJs. Her parents and sister arrived yesterday for Christmas, they were staying nearby. They’d taken Ayla out for the day, and she was going to stay with them overnight so Yaz could go out, but right now she wasn’t feeling it. She’d been staring at her phone for about 20 minutes now, considering messaging them and cancelling. She knew it was cowardly, but she didn’t want to see that look on Rae’s face again. 

For the last couple of weeks Yaz had replayed that hug in her mind countless times. The warm comforting feeling in her chest at the time, followed by the crushing feeling as Rae rushed out of her flat. Every time she thought about it, that pain came rushing back, and today it just wouldn’t leave her. After her parents left with Ayla, she’d rooted herself on the sofa and not moved. The group chat was starting to light up with questions about what everyone was wearing and when they were starting to get ready. Clara had already started a while ago, and been through at least 3 outfits. Amy had just picked out her dress, and Bill was getting ready with Heather. Rae apparently only had one thing she could possibly wear at Christmas, and the picture of her in the sparkly suit (from last year) had only deepened the pressure on Yaz’s chest. 

She couldn’t do it.

**_Yaz_ ** _ [17:19] I’m really sorry guys, I’ve not been well all afternoon. Not going to be able to make it. Have a good time x _

It wasn’t a lie, just a small bending of the truth.

**_Clara_ ** _ [17:20] Oh no Yaz :( What rubbish timing! We’ll miss ya x _

**_Bill_ ** _ [17:20] Ah mate, gutted! Look after yourself. Do you need anything?  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [17:21] Nah I’m alright, thanks though. My parents arrived yesterday so they’ve got Ayla. Hopefully be alright in a couple of days. Don’t let it ruin your night though, you all better have one for me!  _

**_Amy_ ** _ [17:22] Consider it done. Sorry to miss you, seems like ages since we’ve seen you! Hope we can catch up soon. _

Then everything went quiet, until

**_Rae_ ** _ [17:45] Feel better soon  _

After that, she turned the notifications off.

* * *

She was awoken the next morning by a repetitive buzz from her door buzzer. “Shit,” she muttered, sitting up on the sofa where she’d fallen asleep. Yaz pushed her hair back and looked at the time, it was just after 12. Her parents weren’t due to bring Ayla back until after dinner. Yaz went over to the intercom. “Yeah?” 

“Finally, it’s freezing out here,” Bill’s voice came over the speaker. “Clara’s here too. Can we come up?” 

“Sure,” Yaz pressed the button to let them in, too tired to make any real excuses. 

She opened the door just as they got to her floor. “Geez Yaz you look like shit,” Bill said as she walked in. 

“Thanks,” Yaz replied, shutting the door behind them. “Good night?” 

“Brilliant yeah,” Clara said, looking around the flat. “We thought you might need some bits,” she held up the bag. “Everyone was gonna come, but Amy’s going to Rory’s for Christmas today and Rae made some excuse about having work to do.” 

“Isn’t Rae having Christmas with Amy and Rory?” Yaz asked. 

Bill nodded, “she’s not going until Christmas Eve though. Dunno what was up with her this morning to be honest. Anyway, that’s not why we’re here. Need a hand cleaning up in here?” 

Yaz sat on the edge of the sofa, “you don’t have to.” 

“Are you still feeling rough?” Clara asked sympathetically. “We can sort it if you need to lie down.” 

“I don’t get it, why are you here?” Yaz asked, maybe a little sharper than she meant.

Bill looked at Clara, who nodded at her. “We’re just worried mate. You’ve been kinda quiet since term ended, and then after you and Rae took Ayla out both of you have been off. Did something happen?” 

_ Damn they were observant.  _

“No, I-” she looked up at them and sighed. “I don’t know. Is Rae okay?” 

“She was on good form last night, but Amy said she’s been kinda quiet in the last couple of weeks,” Clara replied. “She wouldn’t talk to Amy.” 

“I really screwed up,” Yaz sighed and put her head in her hands. “I’m sorry.” 

Bill sat down beside her, “look I’m gonna ask you something mate, and if I’m wrong you’re welcome to throw me out, but- well- you and Rae, is there something more to it?” 

Yaz’s head shot up, “no! We’re just friends! She’s been amazing and I just… I think I went too far, took advantage, told her too much.”

Clara sat on the other side of Yaz, “Rae cares a lot about you, that much is obvious. She cares about all her friends, but she really cares about you. You’ve obviously told her a lot more than you have the rest of us - which is fine, as we’ve always said, but I know she cares a lot about you for it. This sudden change, that’s not what this is down to.” 

“Well then I don’t know what to tell you,” Yaz replied. “I’ve fucked this all up.” 

“What happened that day, Yaz? Maybe we can help you?” Bill asked.

Yaz shook her head, “I can’t. I can’t do this,” she stood up and walked over to the window so they couldn’t see her as the tears broke. “You should just go.” 

“We’re worried about you Yaz,” Clara said.

“Well don’t be!” Yaz shouted back. “I don’t deserve it.” 

“Yaz-” 

“No! Just go!” 

“Mummy don’t shout.” 

She hadn’t even heard her parents arrive back with Ayla. She’d given them her spare key. Yaz quickly wiped at her eyes and turned around. “I’m sorry baby, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to.” 

“You only shout when you’re scared,” Ayla said nervously. “Why are you scared Mummy? These are your friends.” 

Clara went over to Ayla, “it’s alright sweetheart, we’re gonna go now. Make sure you give your Mummy big hugs.” 

“Where’s RaeRae? She makes Mummy happy,” Ayla asked innocently. 

“Ah she’s a bit busy today, sent us instead, but now you’re here and you’re loads better than us so we’ll go,” Bill told her. “Go on, go and give her a hug.” Ayla ran over to Yaz who accepted her and hugged her tightly. Once they were busy, Bill turned to Yaz’s parents. “She didn’t come out last night, we came over to see how she was and… well, we’re kinda worried.” 

Najia nodded, “thank you. It’s good to know there are people looking out for her.” 

Both Bill and Clara left. Yaz was now sitting on the floor with Ayla on her lap, still hugging her. Hakim went into the kitchen, leaving Najia to go over to her daughter. “Nana Mummy’s really upset,” Ayla said to her Grandma when she came over. 

“It’s alright sweetheart, we’ll help. You go and see if Grandad needs any help,” she told Ayla who nodded, climbing reluctantly off her Mum and going to the kitchen. Najia sat down on the floor beside Yaz, who immediately rested her head on her Mum’s shoulder. “What’s happened sweetheart?”

“I messed up,” Yaz muttered. “Didn’t take long.” 

“Oi, no. Don’t go back there Yasmin,” Najia told her in a stern yet loving tone. “Your friends are worried about you, this is different to before.” 

Yaz shook her head, “they don’t know. They don’t know me.” 

Najia pulled her into a hug, “Yaz come on now, you’ve been doing so well. Tell me what’s brought this on.” 

“I got too close to Rae, pushed it too far,” Yaz played with her fingers in her lap. “I think she realised, hasn’t really talked to me since.” 

“What  _ actually  _ happened?” Najia asked. “Yaz whatever it is, I’ll understand.” 

“Don’t think you will,” Yaz sighed. 

One thing Yaz had forgotten was that her mother could read her like a book. “Do you like Rae as more than just a friend?” 

“I-” she started. “I don’t know. Maybe.” She hadn’t said that to anyone before, but the truth was, she really didn’t know. All she knew were the facts - Rae made her happy, she understood Yaz and she was amazing with Ayla, but Yaz was scared. What if she was reading it wrong? “I was trying to ignore it, but then we hugged the other night and I didn’t want to let go. Then my brain started going mad, after all the only experience I have… well it isn’t good. I panicked, kinda pushed her off and then she left.”

Najia kissed her head, the same way she did to Ayla. That’s where she’d got it from. “Have you talked to her since?” Yaz shook her head. “So you don’t know why she left like that?” 

“She looked panicked, and she hasn’t messaged me since,” Yaz replied. 

“You looked panicked too, and you haven’t messaged her either,” Najia replied.

_ Oh _

Yaz sat herself up. “There are a lot of reasons Rae could be acting like this, I think you need two need to talk.” Najia told her.

“Maybe, I could try,” Yaz replied.

“Text her now, see if she’s free. We can stay here with Ayla, Sonya’s back at the hotel she’ll amuse herself,” Najia told her. “Go on.” 

That woman was always right.

* * *

**_Yaz_ ** _ [13:20] Hey, can we talk?  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [13:20] I mean, can we meet up and talk? My parents are looking after Ayla. _

**_Rae_ ** _ [13:21] I’m starving, late lunch? Usual café at 2?  _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [13:22] I’ll be there x _

That conversation was why Yaz was now sitting in the corner of their usual café on the bench seat, waiting for Rae to arrive. Her leg was moving nervously and she could feel her chest tightening. She was fighting the urge to run out. Thankfully, Rae arrived before she could. 

“Hey,” Yaz smiled anxiously. “I ordered your favourite toastie, I hope that’s okay.” 

“Oh you’re amazing, thanks Yaz,” Rae sat down on the chair opposite her. There was a short, slightly awkward silence before Rae spoke again. “I’m glad you text.” 

“You’ve got my Mum to thank,” Yaz replied.

“Ah I like your Mum already,” Rae smiled.

At that point, Yaz decided she needed to get to the point before she wimped out. “I’m really sorry. Sorry about the hug and the ignoring you and pulling out of last night. I wasn’t ill, well, I was in a way - I’ve felt awful since you left. I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything.” 

“Wait- you freaking me out? I thought I upset you… when you pulled away suddenly I thought it was me, that’s why I left - didn’t want to upset you anymore,” Rae bit her bottom lip and looked down at the table. 

“No! No it wasn’t you, I just thought- well I don’t really know what I thought. The hug was lovely, really lovely, but I guess I haven’t felt anything like that for so long,” Yaz sighed. If she was going to do it, she might as well go all out. It was all or nothing. “I really like you Rae. I think… I think maybe more than just friends. And that scares me, a lot. I mean, if you don’t feel the same that’s fine we can just be friends.” 

Rae reached across the table and took her hand, “Yaz, hold on a sec, you really feel like that too?” 

“Too?” Yaz questioned. 

“Yes, too. Shit Yaz I never thought you would. I didn’t want to say anything, after everything that happened to you I didn’t want to push anything. I couldn’t bear to hurt you,” Rae squeezed her hand. 

Yaz felt herself tearing up again. “I cry far too much,” she sniffled. “Sorry.” 

Rae stood up and moved to sit next to her on the bench seat so she could hug her. “Don’t ever apologise Yaz. I get it, I understand why this is such a big thing for you and I’m not gonna rush you into anything, not ever. If this is a thing, we take it slow. Really slow. Like… like Bill doing the washing up slow.” She raised an eyebrow. “Bill barely ever does the washing up,” Rae clarified. “Makes more sense to take the piss outta her when she’s here really, but that’s not the point.” 

Chuckling a little, Yaz smiled. “See, this is why I like you Rae. You always know how to make me smile again.” 

As she said that, the waitress came over with their toasties. “And you always order the right food. We’re made for each other,” Rae grinned. She moved back to her chair so they could eat. “This is all on your terms Yaz.” 

They ate lunch, the conversation turning to a catch up on the last couple of weeks. It was only when they finished that Yaz continued the deeper conversation. “We’re both gonna be busy for the next week or so, with Christmas and all that. How about… how about we try a proper date in the new year?” 

“Only if I get to pick the venue,” Rae bargained. 

“Alright, deal,” Yaz smiled and they jokingly shook hands to seal it. “I should really get back home, my parents have had Ayla for well over 24 hours now, poor things.” 

“Oh yes! Ayla!” Rae suddenly reached under her chair and pulled out a bag that Yaz hadn’t even noticed when she’d walked in. “Here, it’s not a lot just… well, I wanted to get her something.” She handed the bag over. “There’s um- there’s something for you in there too,” she blushed slightly.

Yaz felt her heart swell as she took the bag, “Rae you didn’t have to. I didn’t even-” 

“You didn’t have to,” Rae stopped her before she could finish. “Trust me, just don’t open them until Christmas Day yeah?” 

“Of course. Thank you,” Yaz told her. They both stood up to head out. “See you next year then.” 

“Next year,” Rae nodded, and they both went off their separate ways.

* * *

When Christmas Day rolled around, Yaz was awoken at 6:15 by Ayla jumping on her bed. She was quite impressed the 4 year old had lasted that long. “Mummy! Mummy! Father Christmas has been! He gave me  _ even more  _ presents. And there are loads of presents from Nana and Grandad and Uncle Ryan and there’s even one from RaeRae!” 

Yaz looked up at her, “are there really?! What about anyone else?” 

“Uuuuuuum,” Ayla gave her a cheeky grin, “nope!” 

“Oi you cheeky monkey,” Yaz chuckled and tickled her, making Ayla screech a little. 

Ayla giggled wildly, and eventually gave in. “There’s some from Mummy too!” 

Yaz gasped, “is there?! Well isn’t that lucky,” she said and stopped tickling her. “Now you know what we said, we’ll wait for Nana, Grandad and Auntie Sonya to arrive to open most of the presents, but you can open a couple now.” 

“Can I open RaeRae’s? And the one from Father Christmas he gave me at the play area?” Ayla asked politely.

“Of course you can baby girl,” Yaz smiled. “Go on, go and find them and I’ll be out in a second,” she sent her out and then got up, grabbing her dressing down and putting it on before going out to join Ayla in the lounge. She was sitting on the floor with the two gifts in front of her, waiting patiently. 

Yaz made sure she had her phone so she could film this for Rae. “Go on then baby girl, you can open them,” she smiled. 

Ayla went for the present from Father Christmas first. She carefully unwrapped the paper - it amused Yaz how unlike any other child she was at times. It made the present opening take a little longer, but she didn’t mind. Eventually, the present was revealed. Ayla looked amazed as she assessed it. “Wow Mummy, I can draw, look!” Yaz moved down onto the floor to look at it. It was a little art station with a chalk side and a paper side that folded down. “That’s so cool.” 

Clearly the ‘Father Christmas’ at the soft play hadn’t been kidding when he’d said she would get a special gift. She made a mental note to send them a thank you email at some point. “That’s amazing baby, you’ll love that. Maybe we can get it out after breakfast while we’re waiting for Nana and Grandad,” she smiled. 

“Yes please!” Ayla replied happily, before turning to the present from Rae. Once again she opened it carefully and Yaz moved back to the sofa to film her. She took the box from the paper and then looked at it before gasping. “It’s a car!” she smiled widely. “A me- a memo-” 

“Remote-controlled,” Yaz corrected her, “it means you can drive it around.” 

“That’s so cool! RaeRae is amazing,” she jumped up. “Can we get this one out too?” 

Yaz chuckled, “you need to pick one for now sweetheart, but we need to have breakfast first.” 

Ayla shook her head, “you should open your present from RaeRae too!” She ran to the tree and picked up the package, running it over to Yaz. “Here you go Mummy.” 

There wasn’t really much to argue about that, “alright then, let’s have a look shall we?” She opened the present quickly, but carefully to appease her daughter. Inside she found a reasonably sized, quite funky, rucksack. There was a note attached: 

_ So you don’t drop all your things anymore x _

Yaz chuckled. 

“What does it say Mummy?” Ayla asked. “It’s so cool! I like the colour.” 

“The first time I met Rae, I dropped my bag and my stuff went  _ everywhere _ . This is so that won’t happen again,” Yaz explained. “And yes, it’s a very cool colour.” 

“RaeRae is very clever,” she said. Yaz smiled. “Okay, breakfast time!” 

**_Yaz_ ** _ [08:24] *video attached* She insisted on getting it straight out, I’m now dodging this car constantly! Thank you so much Rae, Ayla loves it. And thanks for the rucksack - very clever :’) xx _

**_Rae_ ** _ [08:32] I’m really glad. Merry Christmas Yaz xx _

**_Rae_ ** _ [08:32] And Ayla, tell her merry christmas from me xx _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [09:01] Sorry, it’s madness here as you can imagine _

**_Yaz_ ** _ [09:02] Merry Christmas Rae xx _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay it was rough, but I redeemed it right...?


	14. The First Step to Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here guys, it's first date time!! Kinda nervous about this chapter, but I hope you enjoy! Thank you all so much, as always, for your kind and wonderful comments.

Christmas came and went in a whirlwind. Ayla was hyper for 90% of the time, but with her family being around it was a lovely holiday. They left on New Years Day, so today - 2nd January - Yaz was expecting Ayla to be a bit off. When she woke at 8 and there was no sign of Ayla, she went into her bedroom to see her daughter still asleep. Yaz sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking her hair back carefully. “Hey you, good morning baby.” Ayla murmured, turning over and facing her Mum. “You’ve slept for ages sweetheart, you okay?” 

“Mmm,” Ayla flung an arm over her Mum’s lap and hugged into her. “Sleepy.” 

Yaz leant down and kissed her forehead, “I can see that. Come on, let’s get you up. How about we run a bath to wake you up eh?” 

“Yes please Mummy,” Ayla replied. 

She got the bath run and took Ayla in. She let her play a bit, washed her hair and by the time she was out of the bath, Ayla was much more awake. Yaz made her breakfast and set her up with her art station while Yaz did some housework around her. She wanted to keep busy today, take her mind off the nerves of what was happening in a couple of days. 

Rae had called to fix the date between Christmas and New Year. It had been her idea - having the date during the day while Ayla was at school, before their term started back. They’d both decided it would be better to keep it quiet from Ayla for now, work out what this was between them first before they spoke to the girl who had endless questions. 

“Mummy, can we see RaeRae today?” 

Ayla’s question made her jump, not least because she hadn’t noticed her daughter walk across the room to her, but also because Yaz was ever so slightly convinced that this 4 year old could read her mind sometimes. “I don’t know sweetheart, she might be busy.” 

“But we haven’t seen her for  _ ages.  _ Can you call her? Please?” 

Damn that face. “I’ll give her a ring and see, but no promises okay?” That appeased her, and Ayla returned to the table to do her drawing. 

Yaz went into her bedroom, having not actually looked at her phone since she got up. She found Rae’s number and called.

“Oh hey Yaz, nice surprise,” Rae answered. 

“Hey, just calling because Ayla just asked if we could see you today. I told her you might be busy, but I did promise to call,” Yaz got straight to the point. She was nervous, why was she nervous? 

“Any excuse to take a couple of hours off marking. Amy and I were talking about heading out actually, mind if she joins?” 

“No of course not, where do you want to meet?” Yaz asked.

“What about the park we first met at? Can grab lunch at the café again if you want. Say… 12?” Rae suggested.

“Perfect, see you there,” Yaz hung up and let out the breath she’d been holding. 

_ This is ridiculous Khan. It’s not even your date for 2 more days, get it together. _

She returned to the lounge area, and Ayla looked up expectantly. “We’ll meet her at the park at 12. Amy’s going to come too.” 

“Cool!” Ayla jumped up and ran over, hugging her. “Thank you Mummy.” 

Yaz smiled, crouching down to hug her back properly. It was moments like this she cherished the most. “No problem sweetheart. We’ve got a bit of time yet, so I’m going to finish off the cleaning okay?” 

“Okay! I’m going to draw RaeRae and Amy a picture!” Ayla ran back to the table enthusiastically and set herself up with crayons. Yaz smiled, returning to the hoover.

* * *

The moment they were out of the car and in a safe area, Yaz let go of Ayla’s hand and she ran to Rae. “RaeRae!!” she shouted. Rae laughed, picking her up and spinning her around. “Thank you for my present!” 

“Awh that’s okay, I’m glad,” Rae smiled. “So where are we going to play first?” 

“The slide!” Ayla announced, before adding “please.” 

Rae set her down, “alright then, slide it is. Lead the way,” she smiled and followed Ayla. 

Amy and Yaz walked behind. “Good Christmas?” Amy asked.

“Yeah it was lovely actually. Ayla was really happy and it was nice to see my parents and sister. How about you?” 

“Really good yeah, Rory proposed,” she held up her left hand.

“Oh my gosh! That ring is gorgeous, congratulations,” Yaz smiled. “I’m amazed Rae has kept that quiet.” 

Amy laughed, “yeah she’s not that good at secrets most of the time, but when it’s important… well, you know.” 

“Mmm I suppose I do,” Yaz smiled. They sat down on a bench at the edge of the play area while Rae and Ayla ran off to play. “She’s so good with Ayla.” 

“Rae is a big kid at heart, this is a great excuse for her to let it out,” Amy chuckled. “I imagine, based on what you’ve said, that it’s hard for you to introduce Ayla to new people.” 

Yaz nodded, “very. There’s the fear of how Ayla might react, and the fear of what could happen. I don’t want her to be let down again, that’s why I don’t tell people about her straight away. I want to be sure myself first. Something with Rae… I don’t know, just had a feeling she was a good one.” 

“Your instincts were correct,” Amy replied. “They don’t come much better than Rae to be honest.” 

“Can I ask how you guys met? I mean, I know it was at uni, but… well, you’re quite different,” Yaz smiled.

Amy chuckled, “yeah you don’t necessarily put us together,” she started. “We ended up in the same flat. There were 6 of us, the other 4 were proper party animals. I mean, I do like a night out, but not that much. Rae and I were often in together. Took me a long time to persuade her to talk to me properly, she kept herself to herself a lot at the start.” 

“I can imagine that,” Yaz commented, before Amy continued.

“In the end I trapped her with food - ‘accidentally’ made too much pasta so when she came into the kitchen to make dinner I offered to share.” Yaz giggled at how much like Rae that sounded. “We actually talked for hours that night - just getting to know each other, what courses we were doing and that kinda thing. We made a pact then to stick together through uni and that’s exactly what we did. Got our own flat for the rest of the time we spent at uni, barely went anywhere without each other. It was Rae that persuaded me to finally take things further with Rory actually.” 

Yaz smiled, “it’s lovely that you guys had each other through all that. Must’ve been strange when you moved away.” 

Amy nodded, “completely. I really missed her - don’t tell Rae that though - but it was strange. Rory got his job down here, and I wanted to be nearer him even if we have decided not to live together until we’re married. The job came up and it was perfect, but yeah - I missed my best mate. I guess it must be the same for you a bit, with your friends in Sheffield?” 

There was a short pause while Yaz considered her answer, looking down at the ground. “I don’t have any really,” she replied. “I did, once upon a time, but after things with Ayla’s Dad… they got lost amongst it all.” 

“Ah I’m sorry Yaz, I should’ve thought.” 

Yaz sat up, “nah, it’s fine honestly. I’ve moved on,” she smiled.

“You’ve got your mate Ryan right?” Amy asked.

“Oh yeah, he moved down here a while back, not long after I’d had Ayla. We weren’t all that close through school, more acquaintances than friends, but my Mum knows his Gran and suggested I got back in touch when I moved to London. Since then we’ve been really close, he’s great,” Yaz smiled. “Ayla absolutely adores him. It took a little while, sort of a gradual introduction, but now he’s ‘uncle Ryan’ and it’s so good for her to have that influence.” 

“It’s good for you too I imagine,” Amy suggested.

“Mmm, yeah, good to have someone who can help out with Ayla. He takes her out once a week usually, gives me a few hours to get some work done or tidy the flat up,” she replied.

Amy nodded, “that’s not really what I meant though…."

"Yeah I know," Yaz replied. "Ayla is my whole world, and after everything it's hard for me to entertain my own feelings without thinking about hers. I'm working on it," she shrugged.

“One thing at a time,” Amy replied understandingly. Yaz nodded. “Makes sense. Well, you’ve done step one anyway.” Yaz looked at her, a little confused. “You’ve found yourself some new friends,” Amy pointed out, gently nudging her. 

Yaz smiled, “yeah. I guess I have.” She looked back to where Rae and Ayla were currently on the climbing frame, possibly playing pirates, but she wasn’t too sure. “Ayla’s starting dance classes next week too.” 

“Wow, that’s a big step for both of you,” Amy replied.

“Yeah, but Ayla seems quite enthusiastic about it. We went and visited the place before Christmas, but it made sense for her to start once she was out of the cast and in a new term. I can stay for the first couple of classes, then I’ll sit outside for a couple to ease her in. Ryan asked around at his work and a couple of them have kids that go,” she explained. “Just need to allow myself to let her go more than anything, she picks up on my nerves.” 

Amy nodded, “I get that. If you ever need any support you know where we are.” 

“Absolutely… for what?” Rae commented as she appeared at their side. 

Ayla jumped up on Yaz’s lap. “I’ll tell you later,” Yaz smiled at her. “You guys had fun?” 

“Yep! But RaeRae is hungry now,” Ayla told her.

Rae gasped, “I thought we had a deal!” 

“Mummy told me I should never lie,” Ayla told her firmly. 

Amy burst out laughing, “you just got owned by a 4 year old!” 

Yaz chuckled, “good girl Ayla, I’m proud of you.” 

Sighing in defeat, Rae moved the conversation on. “Alright, now can we go and get food?” 

“Yeah yeah, come on then,” Yaz shifted Ayla off her and they all headed over to the café.

* * *

The day of the date came around fast. Yaz had taken Ayla to school that morning as usual, and then returned home to start getting ready. It was a casual day date and she should wear something warm and have sturdy shoes, that’s all the guidance Rae had given her. With nothing else to go on she went for skinny jeans, a jumper and had her walking boots ready to go along with her thick coat. She did some simple makeup and put her hair half up and half down. Just before she left, she grabbed a bobble hat too - it was cold out.

As Amy was out all day with the car, Yaz had agreed to pick up Rae. She parked up outside the house at 11am on the dot as agreed. Rae came out a couple of moments later with a big bag that she put in the boot and then climbed in the passenger seat. Suddenly Yaz felt incredibly nervous and her mouth went dry. 

“Hey,” Rae smiled.

“Hi,” Yaz replied.

Their brief greetings were followed by a period of silence, which was broken by nervous laughter from Yaz. “I don’t really know what I’m meant to do next…” 

“Oh! Yes, sorry. Have you got maps on your phone? I’ll put the postcode in,” Rae suggested. 

That wasn’t really what Yaz had meant, but it got them over the awkward moment nevertheless. Yaz unlocked her phone which was in the windscreen holder, before Rae inputted the directions and Yaz started to drive. “Thanks for this, doing it during the day I mean. I know it’s not exactly traditional.” 

“I’m not really the traditional type,” Rae shrugged. “Besides, I understand why.” Yaz smiled contentedly. “Was Ayla okay going back to school?” Rae asked. “Oh wait, do you mind talking about her on the date or should we… not?” 

Yaz chuckled a little at her concern. “How about we make a rule that once we’re out of the car we stop talking about my daughter?” 

“Oh yes, that makes sense. So… was she okay?” 

“Yeah, I mean I was taking her so that makes it better. She was excited to be fair, and tomorrow night she’s going to her first dance class which is a constant topic of conversation at the moment,” Yaz explained.

Rae nodded, “Amy mentioned something about dance classes. You okay about that?” 

Shrugging, Yaz replied. “I don’t know. I’m nervous I guess, but she will really love it. The first couple of sessions I’ll go in with her, then we’ll wind down to leaving her there. The place is just round the corner from yours actually.” 

“Well if you need something to do while she’s in there, you can always pop around,” Rae smiled and then looked back out of the window. “Ooo we’re nearly here.” 

“Where exactly are we going?” Yaz asked, still just following the directions on her phone.

“You’ll see,” Rae grinned back. 

Accepting that the other woman wasn’t going to tell her anything, Yaz continued driving. They sat in a comfortable silence for the last few minutes of the drive until Yaz pulled into a car park. It seemed to be the middle of nowhere, some kind of country park maybe. There weren’t many other cars, but that wasn’t a huge surprise given it was January, even if it was quite a nice day for the time of year. “Here we are!” Rae jumped out of the car and went to the boot, pulling out the rucksack she’d put in there and slipping it over her shoulders. 

Yaz followed her lead and got out, grabbing her phone as she did and then getting her coat out of the back seat. “Wow it’s so peaceful here, you forget how noisy the town is.” 

“I know what you mean,” Rae agreed. “So you up for a decent walk? I promise it’s worth it.” 

“Yeah definitely,” Yaz smiled and Rae started heading towards the gate out of the car park. There felt something strangely symbolic about following her through the gate into the unknown. This was the start of something terrifying, but she was fighting all her instincts to keep going - it would be worth it in the end.

They chatted as they walked along, learning little bits about each other, just the basic things they hadn’t really covered like their favourite subjects at school, favourite time of year, that kind of thing. They talked the whole time, not even realising how long they’d been out until Rae suddenly stopped at the bottom of a short but steep looking hill. “Just at the top of here is one of my favourite places ever. I discovered it by accident, was just walking, but now I come here to relax. I’ve never come here with Amy or any of the others, it’s just my peaceful place, but I thought you might like it too.” 

“Rae… you don’t have to…” Yaz was almost speechless. 

“I want to,” Rae told her firmly. “Sometimes my head gets really noisy. This is where I come to calm it down. It’s not that far from the uni either, sometimes I just nip up if I need a break. There’s actually a nearer car park that way,” she pointed, “but I wanted to show you the area today.” Yaz was tearing up. “Oh no don’t cry, that’s definitely not the point of here. Sorry, did I do something wrong? We can go-” 

Yaz grabbed Rae’s hand to stop her, “I’m not upset Rae. I’m just really touched, this is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me.” 

“Really?” Rae asked. Yaz nodded. “Need a hug?” She nodded again. Rae pulled her in and they held each other tightly for a moment. 

“Alright, let’s go up there. Show me,” Yaz stepped back and smiled. 

Rae held her hand out, “together?” 

“Together,” Yaz took it and they started walking. 

It took them about 5 minutes to get the top and as soon as they hit the peak, Yaz could see why Rae loved it here so much. For miles around all you could see were fields and forests with occasional small villages. It was wonderful. She stood for a moment, taking it all in. “Wow….” 

After a while, Rae let go of her hand. “Take your time, have a look around, I’m just gonna sort something,” she smiled. Yaz was still in too much of a shock to argue, and instead of saying something she just walked forward a bit, looking out over the edge. She lost all concept of time once more, only drawn back to the present when Rae called out. “Lunch is served!” 

Yaz turned around to see the picnic blanket on the floor, food spread out and two flasks. “Thought we might need tea to keep us warm,” Rae smiled when she saw Yaz looking at them. 

“You really thought this through didn’t you?” Yaz looked at the scene in front of her. “Quite the romantic.” 

“Never judge a book by it’s cover,” Rae smiled. “Come on, have a seat.” They both took their places on the blanket. “Help yourself to whatever really, I didn’t know exactly what you like so I went for a variety.” 

Assessing the spread in front of her, Yaz decided they could probably feed a small army with this lot. She started with a pizza slice. "This is amazing. Who knew a picnic in January could be so lovely?" Yaz smiled. 

"I'm glad you like it, I was kind of nervous whether it would work," Rae told her. 

"Well it definitely did," Yaz replied. "I haven't felt this relaxed in months." 

Rae smiled to herself, but Yaz could see that had clearly been her plan all along. This was more than just a date. Nevertheless she didn't let on that she knew, wanting to keep that smile on Rae's face. She liked looking at it. 

They kept eating and chatting, looking out at the view - both in front and beside them. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay forever - stuck with the time limit of Ayla's school day. "We should get back," Rae said what they were both thinking.

"Yeah," Yaz said, but didn't move. 

"You alright?" Rae asked. 

Yaz nodded, "fine. Just thinking," she stood up now, helping Rae to fold the blanket and pack up the leftover food. Once everything was away they started to walk back. "What are we saying to the others? You know, about this?" 

"What do you want to say?" Rae asked.

"I… I don't really want to say anything yet. Not until I've figured it all out myself. Is that okay?" Yaz asked. 

"Yaz I just want you to be happy and comfortable with this. I'll go with whatever you need," Rae told her sincerely. "I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, trusting someone this way again. I understand it's going to take time, but I'm willing to wait for that." 

Yaz slipped her hand back into Rae's and laced their fingers. "Thank you," she replied simply. 

The rest of the walk was mostly silent on Yaz's part, while Rae started telling her about the local wildlife after they'd spotted a couple of birds. She listened happily, deciding she could listen to Rae talk for hours and never get bored, regardless of the topic. 


	15. Confidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh hello everyone hi! I never got a chance to proofread this in the end so I hope it's okay!! 
> 
> As always thank you for all your gorgeous comments!

_ “Mummy?” Ayla perked up from her colouring.  _

_ Yaz, who was working on the other side of the table, looked up. “Yes baby?”  _

_ “Can I go to dance on my own tomorrow?” she asked.  _

_ In her chest, Yaz felt her heart sink, but she kept a smile on her face. “Are you sure?”  _

_ “Yep! Miss Emily is very kind and I have friends now too,” Ayla told her.  _

_ “Alright then, I won’t stay tomorrow,” Yaz told her. “I won’t go far though, so if you’ve got any problems you can get Miss Emily to give me a call.”  _

_ Ayla nodded, “thank you Mummy.”  _

_ “No problem sweetheart,” Yaz replied. _

And that conversation was why Yaz was now barely holding herself together as she walked back out of the dance building. Ayla had barely even given her a hug goodbye, instead she ran off to her friends as soon as they were through the door. Her dance teacher had come over and spoken to Yaz, who triple checked that she had her number to hand before Yaz left. 

She drove over to Rae and Amy’s place, having messaged them in the group chat last night to check it was okay to pop over during the class. Amy opened the door when she arrived. “You alright?” Amy asked.

“Yeah fine,” Yaz replied shakily. 

“Liar, come on in,” Amy moved out of the way. “I’m really sorry I’m going out to meet Rory in a minute - he had a last minute shift change, but Rae’s just making tea in the kitchen.” 

“Don’t apologise, go see your man,” Yaz told her. 

Amy smiled, “thanks. See you at the pub tomorrow?” 

“Of course,” Yaz told her and then went through to the kitchen. 

Rae took one look at Yaz before rushing over and hugging her. Immediately Yaz broke down. Rae held her, letting her cry for a few minutes before she settled. "I'm sorry, it's a huge step and I've been holding it together for Ayla." Yaz replied, taking a step back. 

Rae moved to grab the tea she'd made and handed it over, before suggesting they sit at the table. "She'll be alright Yaz. She's a brave girl. Kids are bouncy," she said, then stopped. "Wait that's not what I meant…"

"I know what you mean. They're resilient, and she is - she's doing better than me with all this," Yaz sighed. 

"You've been through a lot Yaz. I know Ayla's been affected by it a lot too, but you bore the brunt of it all. You don't have to pretend it's not there, not around me," Rae told her. 

Yaz gripped her cup, setting it down on the table. "I know, it's just… getting used to that. Showing my feelings is still new," she explained. 

Rae nodded, "I get that. I'm rubbish at it, and I'm normally pretty rubbish at reading other people's feelings, but you're different somehow. Dunno, s'like I just know how you're feeling - is that weird? It sounds weird now I've said it." 

"It's not weird," Yaz told her. "It's nice to be understood." 

"Okay that's good," Rae said, sounding a little relieved. "How can I help? I don't want to do the wrong thing." 

Yaz smiled, "you're really sweet you know that?" 

"Is that a good thing?" Rae questioned. 

That caused Yaz to giggle a little as she nodded. "Yeah it really is," she replied. "Honestly I just need distracting right now." 

"Hm. How are your painting skills?" Rae questioned.

"I'm not much of an artist," Yaz replied. 

"Can you do a wall?" 

"Oh that I can do. One block of colour," Yaz smiled. 

Rae grinned back, "excellent. We're painting the hall upstairs, I've got some overalls you can wear to save your clothes. Fancy it?" 

"Sounds good," Yaz replied. 

With that, they stood up and went upstairs. After putting the overalls on, Rae sorted the paint and then handed Yaz a roller. “Go for it,” she grinned, and they started painting. 

It turned into quite a fun hour and they managed to get a fair bit of the painting done. “Ah I’ve gotta go,” Yaz said when she spotted the time. 

“Hey, your phone didn’t even ring,” Rae pointed out. 

“And I only checked it twice. Great distraction job,” Yaz smiled and stepped out of the overalls. 

Rae took them from her, “if it works, then come over every time if you need to.” 

“Rae she goes dancing twice a week, I can’t ask that of you,” Yaz told her. “And- well, I really do want to take this slow,” she bit her lip, hoping Rae wouldn’t be offended at her saying so. 

“Oh my gosh I’m sorry, of course I didn’t even think,” Rae apologised. “But you know, Amy would normally be here, and there’s no pressure with anything. We’re still friends, just like before.” 

Yaz nodded, “that might work.” 

They made their way to the front door where Yaz slipped her shoes back on. “I’m not going to force you to do anything, I just thought… you know, for distraction.” 

“I’ll let you know - if that’s okay?” 

“Of course it is,” Rae unlocked the door for her. “In the meantime - pub tomorrow?” 

“Definitely,” Yaz smiled and picked up her coat. “See you there.” 

After their goodbyes, Yaz left and drove back around to the dance studio. She arrived in perfect time and only had to wait a couple of minutes before Ayla came running out at her, a smile on her face, and leapt into Yaz’s arms. “Mummy I did it! All on my own!” she announced proudly. 

“Yeah you did baby,” Yaz smiled. She noticed her dance teacher coming towards her now too. “Are you going to say a big thank you to Miss Emily?” 

“Thank you Miss Emily!” Ayla smiled at her teacher. 

Yaz shifted Ayla on her hip, she really was getting too big for this. She turned her focus to Miss Emily. “Thank you so much.” 

Emily shook her head, “you don’t have to thank me. Ayla’s a pleasure to have in the class and she did really well today. Only one little wobble, but she picked herself right back up,” 

"My big brave girl," Yaz smiled at Ayla who was looking very pleased with herself. "We will see you on Tuesday," she said to the teacher and then headed out to the car. 

"Are you okay Mummy?" Ayla asked while Yaz was strapping her in. 

"Course I am baby," Yaz smiled and kissed her forehead. "Why did you ask that?" 

Ayla shrugged, "you get scared sometimes." 

"We all get scared sometimes, that's okay, but I've got Uncle Ryan and all my friends to help me," Yaz told her, "and you always make me happy baby girl. You're the most important person in my life." 

"Me?" Ayla asked.

"Always," Yaz kissed her hair once more and went round to the driver's seat and got in. 

"I love you Mummy," Ayla said when she got in.

Yaz looked over at her, "love you too baby girl," she replied before driving home. 

* * *

Ayla was definitely going through an independence phase all of a sudden. She didn't even argue going to Hayley's now, and instead would insist on going inside on her own, leaving Yaz at the door. She wouldn't let Yaz help her get dressed, and sometimes even doing her hair was an argument. Little miss independent had arrived out of nowhere. 

Suddenly she was asking to go to friend's parties which before she had hidden the invitations for, and that was how Yaz was currently dropping her off at a local hall for a princess party for her best friend Lily. Ayla did hold her hand as they walked in, but she showed absolutely no signs of nerves. The Mum of the birthday girl came over to greet them, and had barely said hello when Ayla broke from Yaz's grasp to run over to her friends. “I guess that’s my goodbye then,” Yaz chuckled. 

“Kids eh?” the Mum, who Yaz was pretty sure was called Georgia, replied. “Anyway I’m Georgia,”  _ that confirms that then _ , “it’s nice to meet you properly.” 

“You too, I’m Yasmin,” she shook her hand. “Ayla talks about Lily all the time.” 

Georgia smiled, “likewise. Lily was  _ so  _ excited when I said Ayla was coming today - she was worried because she didn’t go to any of the parties last term.” 

Yaz smiled a little sadly, “yeah. To be honest I was surprised that she agreed to go, this is quite a big thing for her. She’s had a lot of separation anxiety since we moved, so if anything does happen just ring me - I won’t be far.” 

“No problem, totally understand,” Georgia replied. 

“I’ve got a present here,” Yaz held up the bag.

“That’s so lovely thank you, we’ve got a little table in the corner,” Georgia pointed to it. “I’ve got everyone’s number to hand just in case so if there are any issues I’ll give you a ring.” 

Yaz nodded, “thank you so much.” She let Georgia get on to another parent who had just arrived, dropping the present off and then glancing back over to make sure Ayla was happy. She seemed happy, so Yaz forced herself to leave without saying goodbye, knowing it would be better for her. 

It was a Saturday afternoon, and with a few hours to kill Yaz had decided to treat herself by walking down into the town nearby. This was the first time for years that she’d had time to herself, excluding the few hours Ryan would have Ayla, but then Yaz would be working. This was the first time she could really enjoy her own company. She wandered the shops for about an hour, picking up a couple of things, before retiring herself to a café a bit closer back to the party hall. Grabbing a coffee, she sat herself in a comfy corner by the window and pulled out one of the books she had bought, starting to read. Amazingly, despite her concerns, she was really enjoying just sitting with the winter sun shining in, book in hand and occasionally sipping at her coffee. Her mind had a tendency to wander when she was alone, so this was a pleasant surprise. 

It was about an hour later that her phone rang. Yaz jumped, having been so enthralled in her makeshift world that the sound of the phone was quite a shock. When she picked it up and saw the number she quickly answered. "Hello?" 

"Hi Yasmin, it's Georgia - Lily's Mum. It's nothing to worry about, just she's a little upset and wants to go home," she explained calmly. 

"Okay, I'll come straight away. Thanks for calling," Yaz hung up and packed her stuff up, trying not to panic. 

She practically ran back down the road, but straightened herself out before she went inside. When she got in, Ayla was sitting just outside the door to the main hall with Georgia watching her. The 4 year old stood up and ran to her Mummy immediately. Yaz picked her up, holding her close. "It's alright sweetheart, I'm here," she told her. Ayla buried her face into Yaz's neck, getting as close as she could. "Thank you for watching her, did anything specific happen?" 

"Not that I know of. I couldn't get much out of her, but Lily said they were just talking to the princess," Georgia gave a sympathetic smile. 

"I'll talk to her, sorry about this. Thank you for having her," Yaz said before heading out to the car. "Oh baby girl, let's get you home yeah?" 

"I'm sorry Mummy," Ayla murmured. 

Yaz stopped in place by the car. “No no no you do not have to be sorry sweetheart, it’s okay. You did so well going to the party, it’s okay that you couldn’t make it to the end, remember what I told you about little steps?” 

“The steps you take don’t have to be big, they just have to take you in the right direction,” Ayla recited - something Yaz had taught her almost from the moment she could talk. She’d started to understand it more recently. “Thank you Mummy.” 

“You’re welcome sweetheart. I love you,” she placed her down so she could open the car. 

Ayla climbed into her car seat, “love you too Mummy.” Yaz smiled, kissing her forehead and strapping her in to head home.

* * *

They were just going through their usual Sunday morning routine. A lazy breakfast, followed by setting Ayla up at the table with her choice of activity - playdough today - while Yaz caught up on some work. She was just finishing up on her marking when the door buzzer went. Ayla’s head shot up, “who is it Mummy?” 

“Not sure sweetheart,” Yaz replied, giving her a reassuring smile and went over to the phone. “Hello?” 

“Hiya Yaz! Sorry to turn up unannounced, I hadn’t planned it and I left my phone at home. Is it okay if I come up? Don’t worry if not. Oh! It’s Rae by the way, sorry,” Rae spoke quickly, almost sounding nervous. 

Yaz chuckled at her, “yeah come on up,” she pressed the button to open the door and put the phone back down. “It’s Rae,” she told Ayla.

The young girl gasped, “yay!!” She jumped down off her chair and ran to the door, waiting for the incoming knocking. Yaz chuckled quietly at how her daughter was bouncing with excitement. A few moments later, the knocks came. “RaeRae!!” Ayla jumped up and down while Yaz opened the door and released her daughter to the waiting blonde outside. 

Rae laughed as Ayla launched herself at her legs, hugging them tight. “Hello cheeky, as lovely as this hug is, I’m carrying hot drinks so you might need to let go,” she chuckled.

“Come on Ayla, let’s get Rae inside first eh?” Yaz suggested and reluctantly, Ayla let go of her Mum’s friend and went back inside the flat. Yaz moved to allow Rae in also before shutting the door behind her. “Hey,” Yaz smiled. “So what brings you here?” 

“Oh! Well, I was just in town because I needed to get some new stationery supplies and while I was there I found something that reminded me of Ayla!” she put the tray of drinks on the table and reached into her bag, handing a book to the 4 year old. 

Ayla gasped, “Mummy it’s a  _ princess  _ book!” she announced before opening it, “it’s colouring!” 

Yaz smiled, “that’s really lovely of you Rae, what do you say kiddo?” 

“Thank you RaeRae! I love it!” she smiled. 

“Oh and I didn’t know what colouring supplies you had, so I got you some new pens too,” Rae handed the packet to her. “I hope that’s okay,” she said to Yaz.

“Of course it is, thank you so much it’s really kind,” Yaz said to her.

Rae blushed a little, before continuing. “I couldn’t leave you out though, so I went to the coffee shop, but I didn’t know if you wanted coffee or hot chocolate, so I got both and you can pick one,” she explained. “And there’s a kids hot chocolate for Ayla too.” 

Another gasp from the 4 year old. “Mummy I  _ really  _ like RaeRae.” 

Yaz laughed at how her daughter’s jaw had dropped. “Let’s all have a sit down at the table to have our drinks then,” she quickly went to clear up the playdough out of the way before Ayla returned to her chair. Rae sat down next to her and Yaz sat opposite. 

“Coffee or chocolate?” Rae asked. 

“Coffee would be great,” Yaz smiled. She pretended not to notice Rae’s glimmer of excitement that she would get the hot chocolate. “Thank you so much, this is lovely,” she told her. “Oh! Hold on,” Yaz disappeared quickly into the kitchen, coming back out with the biscuit tin.

“That’s the special biscuits,” Ayla told Rae. 

“Oh well I’m honoured,” Rae smiled. 

Yaz sat herself back down and took the lid off the tin, putting it down. “Only one,” Yaz warned her daughter.

“Does that count for me too?” Rae questioned.

Rolling her eyes, Yaz chuckled. “You can have two just for bringing these,” she winked at her. 

“You’re too kind. So Mummy told me you were going to a party yesterday,” she said to Ayla. “Was it fun?” 

Ayla nodded, “it was lots of fun. I got to meet Elsa AND Anna AND Belle!” 

“Wow, that sounds amazing,” Rae told her. 

“Yeah, but then I got sad because Mummy had been gone for so long, so I had to leave early,” her smile fell a little bit talking about it, “but Mummy says it’s okay because it was hard to go to the party but I did it.” 

“Your Mummy is a very wise woman,” she told Ayla. “You should always listen to her.” 

Yaz laughed, “I wish.” 

Rae gave a look of mock shock. “Are you telling me this little angel doesn’t always do as she’s told?” 

“I do!” Ayla argued back. Raising an eyebrow, Yaz gave her a look. “Well I do most of the time.” 

Both of the women laughed at her response. “You’re a very good girl,” Yaz told her. “You make Mummy very proud.” 

Ayla smiled and went back to her hot chocolate. 

Rae smiled at both of them, “you’re a good team you two.” 

“Yeah we stick together,” Yaz replied. “Anyway, how are you doing?” she asked. 

“Good yeah, Amy’s been with Rory all weekend so I got to watch documentaries all evening yesterday,” she grinned, pleased with herself. Yaz could see a small hint of sadness in there - she definitely didn’t like being alone for so long, which was probably why she had turned up today. 

Yaz smiled, “sounds great. Did you have any desperate need to get back? You’re welcome to stay for lunch.” 

“We’re having Mummy’s curry! It’s the  _ best _ ,” Ayla perked up. 

“Oh well, I definitely can’t say no to that,” Rae smiled. “That’d be great, thank you.” 


	16. Accidents Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date number 2 time pals! Let's do this.

Yaz had been a little scared for this date. It had been a long time coming, with both of them busy and Yaz having a lot to do with Ayla. Finally they’d found a date that suited both of them where Ryan was free to look after the young girl. 

It was going to be hard to beat Rae’s first attempt, so she’d decided not to try. Instead she put that to the back of her mind and had planned it without thinking back. Once again, she had spent far too long getting herself ready, but when she looked in the mirror and actually didn’t mind what she saw, it seemed worth it. It wasn’t a really dressy date, so she’d gone for black jeans and a maroon sheer blouse with a leather jacket. She left the bedroom to where Ryan and Ayla were playing. “Mummy you look pretty!” Ayla ran over to her. Yaz smiled, ruffling her hair slightly.

“Thank you baby girl, what’re you up to in here?” she asked.

“Colouring my princess book! Uncle Ryan’s helping but he’s rubbish at keeping in the lines,” Ayla told her.

Yaz chuckled, “wow you just got owned by a 4 year old.” 

“You’re hilarious,” Ryan rolled his eyes. “What’re you all up to tonight then?” 

She’d told Ryan and Ayla she was going out with her friends. It wasn’t technically a lie, it’s just there was only one of them there. “Not sure to be honest, meeting at Amy and Rae’s so I’ll find out. Thanks for this, my phone will be on so if you need me then just call.” 

“Absolutely, but we’re gonna be fine aren’t we kiddo,” Ryan smiled at Ayla who had come back over to the table. 

“Yep!” she jumped. “Have fun Mummy!” 

“Thank you sweetheart,” Yaz went over and gave her a quick hug. “Be good for Uncle Ryan baby girl. Goodnight,” she smiled and then left.

Walking downstairs, she felt the nerves building a little more. 

_ Get a grip Yaz, it’s just a night out with a friend, you’re just seeing how things are going, it’s nothing to worry about. _

Eventually she made it to the car and drove over to meet Rae. When she pulled up outside the house, she was waiting on the doorstep and jogged down to the car and climbed in. “Great outfit choice,” Yaz greeted her. Rae had her go to culotte style trousers on with her maroon rainbow jumper and long coat - Yaz loved her style. 

Rae smiled, “thanks. I was gonna put jeans on, but they’re so restricting,” she sighed. “Oh - no offence.” 

“Don’t be silly it’s fine - I know exactly what you mean,” Yaz smiled. “Ready to go?” 

“Totally. Where exactly are we going?” Rae asked.

Yaz looked over as she started the car, raising an eyebrow, “you really think I’m going to tell you before we get there?” 

“Fair point, good move Khan,” Rae chuckled as they started driving. “What did you say to Ayla then?” 

When they’d spoken during the week, Yaz was a little stuck for what to say. “I just told them I was going out with my friends, they didn’t question it. What about Amy?” 

“Oh she thinks you’re giving me a list to a colleague’s place to organise some experiment,” Rae chuckled. “I’m terrible with excuses but she seemed to buy it.” 

They both had agreed to keep this tightly under wraps for now, especially with Yaz’s nerves about the whole situation. She was so grateful for how understanding Rae was being, but it was still hard to fight the voice telling her to get out. “Thanks. Sorry, I know it sucks lying to your best mate.” 

Rae shook her head, “don’t be silly. I’ve told you to stop apologising for it, it’s fine.” 

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, for the next 10 minutes until Yaz parked up outside their destination. She turned the engine off and looked over, “here we are.” 

As Rae realised where they were, her face lit up. Yaz was pleased about that, this was a bit of a gamble. “The arcades?! You brought me to the arcades?! Yaz you’re  _ incredible _ .” 

Yaz laughed, “I just had an instinct that you might, and I used to love going to the arcades as a kid. Mum and Dad hated them, but my Nani would bring me sometimes. I’ve got fond memories in these places, so I looked up a local one that was open in the evenings.” 

“This is amazing!” Rae grinned.

They got out of the car together and Yaz locked up. She watched Rae staring at the neon sign above the door in absolute delight and almost childlike intensity. It was a wonderful sight and Yaz lingered maybe a few seconds longer than necessary before she made a move towards the door. They walked into the darkened room with coloured lights shining around, but thankfully the music wasn’t too loud and the place was relatively calm. “I’ll just go and get some change. Have a look around, see what you want to do first,” she told her and walked over to the change machine. While she was waiting for the change she glanced around and watched as Rae was slowly walking around the area trying to pick their first machine. She was beautiful, the flow of her coat just adding to the way she looked. Eventually the machine stopped clattering about and Yaz looked back, bending down to pick up the pot of coins. She didn’t see Rae looking back and admiring how she looked in that moment.

They met back up where Rae had stopped by the 10p machines. “A classic to start,” Rae said as Yaz joined her. 

“Excellent choice, you go first then,” Yaz told her.

Rae excitedly took some 10p coins from the pot and assessed the machine before going for it. Yaz could’ve watched her play this machine all night. When she got coins out, she would jump for joy, not caring that people would look around at them. “This is great isn’t it?! You need to have a go Yaz.” 

Yaz chuckled at her enthusiasm and took over, handing Rae the pot to hold while she did. “I haven’t played this in years,” she said while she put the coins in. “My Nani would always tell me I could keep anything I got back out of the machine, and then we’d go to the sweet shop down the road and I’d get to pick something. Of course I never ended up with a lot, but it felt great at the time.” 

“Aww Yaz that’s so cute,” Rae replied, but then their conversation was broken by the game. “Hey look! You got loads!” she gasped at the mountain of 10p coins fell into the drawer at the bottom. “That’s insane.” 

“We should definitely move on at this point, don’t want to push our luck,” Yaz chuckled as they collected the coins. “Where next?” 

Rae looked around, assessing the room, “what about the air hockey. I’ll warn you, I’m a little competitive.” 

“Oh you are so on,” Yaz grinned and they immediately went off to the table, putting the change in to retrieve the pucks. “Come on then, let’s play,” she crouched down. Starting the game. 

It turned out they were both competitive, and it turned into quite the contest. They were also very equally matched and at 14 all, the next point would be the decider. “Loser buys the drinks?” Yaz suggested.

“And the food,” Rae added. 

“Deal,” Yaz smirked and started the final round. It was a long one, going back and forth for a good few minutes. Both of them jumping to each side of the table. Eventually, Rae got the goal. 

“Aha! Gotcha!” Rae grinned, doing a little victory dance. Yaz huffed, but it was short lived when the blonde danced around the table to her and pulled her into a hug. “Aww it’s alright, I’ll let you win next time.” 

“Cheeky sod,” Yaz rolled her eyes. “Come on then, I’m starving. Let’s go to the food area, we can come back after.” 

“You’re buying!” Rae winked as they started walking.

“Don’t I know it,” Yaz tutted. “Go on then, what you having?” 

Rae settled on getting cheesy chips to share and two cokes. They sat at one of the tables together and tucked in. “This is such a good date, great job Yaz,” Rae smiled as she dunked a chip in the ketchup. “How are you feeling?” 

She looked up, “yeah I’m good - why?” 

“Just checking, you know, don’t wanna push anything too far,” Rae shrugged.

“You’re sweet Rae,” Yaz told her, “I promise I’ll tell you if anything gets too much. Is that okay?” 

Rae replied, “yeah of course,” she told her. “Alright then, ask me a question.”

“A question… okay… what’s the biggest experiment that’s gone wrong in your lab?” Yaz asked.

“Oh wow,” Rae took a moment to think while she had another chip. “Well before I moved down I used to do some chem labs too. I got a bit of a reputation in there getting overenthusiastic.” 

Yaz chuckled, “you mean you blew things up?” 

“Once or… twice. May have set off the fire alarm a few times,” she said with a hint of embarrassment. 

Immediately Yaz laughed, “oh my gosh Rae, no wonder you settled back in physics.” 

“Yeah turns out chemistry with my clumsiness wasn’t a good match,” she replied. “Physics is a little safer.” 

“Remind me to keep away from your labs though, just in case.” 

Rae chuckled, “I’m not entirely sure if I should be offended or not, but I’ll take it.” 

“Take it and run with it,” Yaz grinned. “Go on then, your turn.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to ask you anything that might upset you,” Rae replied a little nervously.

Shaking her head, Yaz replied. “I’ll tell you if I don’t want to answer.” 

“Alright,” Rae said as she dunked another chip, “when was the last time you got to go on a proper date?” 

She was sipping at her coke when Rae asked, and at first her instinct was to veto the question, but then she thought about it. When was the last time she’d been on a proper date? Jamie stopped taking her out anywhere years back, they were always in the flat. “At school I guess.” 

Clearly that wasn’t the answer Rae was expecting as she sat up a little, “really?” 

“Yeah, the dates stopped when I went to uni,” she shrugged. “Just part of it all really.” 

“Geez I’m sorry Yaz,” Rae replied.

Yaz shook her head, “don’t be. I’d rather be here with you than him any day,” she gave Rae a reassuring smile.

“I’d rather you be here with anyone but him, but I am quite glad it’s me.” 

They continued eating, the conversation turning less deep for the remainder of the meal before they returned into the arcade. Rae insisted they go on the basketball nets next, which Yaz was awful at - but Rae was somehow quite the expert. After that they did a couple of racing games, before finally Yaz decided it was her turn to choose. “The dance mats.” 

“Absolutely not!” Rae protested.

Yaz put on a sulky face, “please? I let you choose all night.” 

“And I avoided them for a reason, I’ve got two left feet Yaz,” she told her.

“I’ll put it on easy for ya. Come on, just one round and then we can head home.” She kept up the soulful face.

“Damn those eyes,” Rae sighed, “fine. But on your head be it.” 

Cheery in success, Yaz jogged over and put the money in to start it up. As promised, she picked an easier song and they got into position, dropping their bags at the front of the machine and getting ready. When it started, they both were doing quite well at first. Yaz didn’t understand what Rae was getting so worried about. That was, until the chorus.

The steps got marginally faster, and the blonde was struggling to keep up. Her arms were flying around and her legs weren’t much better. Suddenly she tripped, flying towards Yaz before either of them could do much about it and they landed on the floor with a bang - Rae on top of Yaz. 

They both lay there for a few seconds as the initial shock wore off, before Rae realised what situation they were in and clambered off. “Oh my gosh Yaz I’m so sorry,” she scrambled to her feet and helped Yaz pull up. She winced as she did. “Shit, are you okay?” 

“Yeah I’ll be fine,” Yaz smiled, although there was a bit of pain in her chest she decided it would wear off and wasn’t worth Rae worrying about. “You weren’t kidding were you?” she chuckled. 

“Definitely not,” Rae blushed. “Maybe we should call it a night there?” 

Yaz nodded, “good plan.” 

They went off to the car and Yaz drove home, ignoring the throbbing around her ribs. “This has been honestly the best date I’ve had in years,” Rae smiled as they pulled up. “Thank you, and sorry about the end...” 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. Don’t worry about that Rae, it was an accident,” Yaz smiled at her. Their gaze locked for a few moments. Was something going to happen? No this was only date two, she didn’t know where this was going yet. It was too much too soon. She cleared her throat and looked down. “See you Monday?” 

“Definitely. Night Yaz,” Rae told her before leaving the car. Yaz watched her walk to the door, cursing herself for not going any further in that moment. Once Rae was inside, she drove off.

* * *

The next morning, Yaz was woken by Ayla jumping on her bed. “Mummyyyyy wake up!” she announced.

Yaz did indeed wake up, but the bouncing was very painful. “Ow, okay I’m awake I’m awake - stop bouncing sweetheart.”

Seeing her Mummy in pain, Ayla immediately stopped. “Are you okay Mummy?” 

“Yeah I’m okay baby, I fell over last night so I’m a bit sore that’s all,” she smiled and reached out to pull her in and kiss her forehead. “Did you have a nice time with Uncle Ryan yesterday?” 

“Yes! We played lots of games and he read me TWO books before bed,” she grinned widely. 

Yaz smiled, “well aren’t you a lucky girl. Go on then, you wait in the living room while Mummy gets up.” 

Ayla made her way out and Yaz sat up slowly. The pain in her ribs had clearly got worse overnight. She sat up, opening her bedside drawer and getting some painkillers out, taking them quickly before getting herself up and putting her dressing gown on. She walked slowly out into the lounge. “Okay then, what’s for breakfast?” 

“Toast please!” Ayla smiled. She’d settled at the table with the colouring book that Rae had got her. Yaz left her to it, going in to make breakfast. She put the bread in the toaster and got the butter out from the fridge. It was the chocolate spread that thwarted her. Yaz tried to reach up in the cupboard to retrieve the pout, but the pain shot through her chest and she couldn’t contain the resulting scream of pain. Ayla ran into the kitchen. “Mummy!” 

Yaz clutched at her chest with one arm. “Sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she replied, her voice strained. “I’m okay.” 

Ayla shook her head, “you’re not okay Mummy, you’re hurting,” she was tearing up. “Did someone hurt you Mummy?” 

“No! No I promise I just fell over,” Yaz was quick to reassure her. 

“I don’t like it when you’re hurting,” Ayla cried. 

Yaz carefully knelt down on the floor so she could be at Ayla’s height. “Hey, hey look at me,” she told her and waited for Ayla to look up before she continued. “I’ll be fine sweetheart, promise. I’m going to finish up your breakfast, and then I’ll give Uncle Ryan a ring to look after you while I go to the hospital.” She didn’t want to bother Ryan again, but he was the only person she trusted to leave Ayla with for so long at this point. Plus she didn’t want Rae to know she’d hurt her that badly when it wasn’t her fault.

“I want to come with you,” Ayla replied, her lip trembling. “Please Mummy, I don’t want you to be alone.” 

“Alright baby, alright, but I’m still going to call Uncle Ryan so he can help look after you while I’m in there. Is that okay?” Yaz asked, stroking her hair back and kissing her forehead to reassure her.

Ayla nodded, “okay Mummy.”

While she finished off the breakfast, Yaz gave Ryan a ring and explained the situation. He promised to be around shortly, which gave Yaz just enough time to eat with Ayla before Ryan arrived, not that she could stomach much. When Ryan arrived, Ayla jumped down and ran to let him in before Yaz could move. “Hey monkey, where’s Mummy?” 

“Over here,” she grabbed Ryan’s hand and pulled him across the room. Yaz waved with an apologetic smile. “We need to make Mummy better.” 

“We will,” Ryan told her, ruffling her hair. “Why don’t you go and pick out your clothes while I have a quick chat with your Mummy?” Ayla nodded and ran off to her bedroom while Ryan set down at the table. “What the hell happened? You didn’t say a lot on the phone. I thought something looked off when you got back, but I put it down to tiredness.” 

“That makes two of us,” Yaz replied. “Promise you won’t laugh?” 

Ryan raised an eyebrow, “now I’m intrigued,” Yaz gave him a look. “Alright I promise.” 

“It was just Rae and me last night. We’re… trying something out, seeing how things go. It’s a huge thing for me so I’m terrified and I don’t really want anyone else knowing yet,” she told him before adding, “especially Ayla.” 

“Wow Yaz that’s great, I’m really pleased for you,” Ryan smiled. “I’m still confused how that ended up with you hurting yourself though.” 

Yaz sighed, “we were on the dance mats and Rae tripped. She fell into me and we both ended up on the floor, sort of half on and half off the platform.” 

She could see how Ryan was holding in his laughter and rolled her eyes, “sorry! That’s just quite funny. Kinda romantic too.” 

“It’s definitely not like you see in the movies,” she told him. “I thought I’d be fine if I just took painkillers last night, but this morning it’s agony. Ayla spotted it and won’t let it go, I’m trying to keep her calm.” 

“Hm well for once your 4 year old has more sense than you. We definitely need to get you checked out. Family trip to the hospital it is,” he chuckled. “You need a hand getting changed?” 

Yaz shook her head, “I’ll cope, can you check on Ayla for me?” 

“Of course. Shout if you need anything.” 

Yaz nodded and slowly made her way to the bedroom. This was not how she’d planned her Sunday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay Rae is accident prone but she didn't mean it :( poor babies. The date was cute otherwise right...? 
> 
> Also small life update. I'm having kinda a shitty time mentally and finding life difficult, which includes writing. Sometimes I don't even want to write, which is very unlike me. I'll try and keep up the twice weekly updates, but I don't know how that's gonna go. Fingers crossed...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate any and every kudos and comment on my work so much, so let me know what you think! Love to you all xx
> 
> Find me on twitter: @pinkwaldd


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